ShadóRealm Inc
by Alice Celestian
Summary: Ryou starts his new job at ShadóRealm Inc. A paper company with a bad reputation in...almost everything. Inspired by The Office. U.S. version. Casteshipping, Puzzleshipping, Thiefshipping, Yami Marik x Ryou x Miho (does not exist), Ryou x Cake.
1. Chapter 1: Welcome to Shadoreálm

Oh my gods! I have wanted to do this for so long! The office and Yugioh, together! The awkwardly hilarious comedy in a paper company! It's not a crossover just based off of it with a hint of Always Sunny in Philadelphia.

* * *

"So welcome to Shadoreálm Inc. Where we deal in all things paper!"

Ryou's new boss Yami exclaimed. He seemed like a good guy. A little proud but overall nice.

"I don't usually meet my employees at the door to greet them but I'm excited we have a new face." He said, ushering him around the facility, "This is our receptionist, Mai. Mai say hello."

"Do you know how much she's makes, she's obviously sleeping with the boss- Oh, hello, sweetheart!" She smiled before jerking back to the phone.

"She's very gossipy." Yami stated.

"I see." Ryou followed.

The man led him to a cubicle, "This is your new home away from home. Your temple. The place where you come to find peace and hopefully no pranks in your seat if your neighbors are forgiving." He pointed to a tanned man, "This is Akefia and he and Mal- Where's the brat?"

"Bathroom." Akefia stated.

"So Wawa. Just have better gotten me a latte. Akefia I trust you'll be nice to Ryou."

"I might."

Yami shrugged, "Okay then! Sell paper!" He slammed Ryou in his seat, "Any questions go to the meanest salesperson ever: Akefia."

"Meanest?" Ryou mumbled.

"I'll check on you later!" He turned, "Yugi! Yugi don't run!" He chased after someone.

Ryou blinked. What a strange man?

"Um, Akefia, it's nice to-"

"No it's not."

The small man eyed him, "How so?"

Akefia looked at him with annoyance, "Really? Has the 65 seconds you've spoken to me been the least bit pleasurable? I completely doubt it. You-"

"Oh shut the bloody hell up, Akefia! Stop bothering the new guy!" A man yelled, slamming papers on Ryou's desk. Ryou didn't feel his presence at all! He almost jumped a mile high.

"Go fuck yourself, Bakura. It seems like your boyfriend- Oops I mean best friend left the office again."

"Considering you haven't dated in five years, I doubt you can talk."

"Considering I'm not forever cursed to spend eternity in the friend zone, I think I can."

The man who strangely looked like Ryou scoffed, "Hey, Creampuff, don't let him jerk you around. I got to go type the new report." Bakura walked off.

Ryou never thought that they'd be so invested in each other's personal lives. He turned to his desk to look at the files left. They were basically pricing and numbers to call. He dialed the first number.

"Hello, this is Ryou from ShadóRealm-" The person immediately hung up.

He frowned a bit, "Hm." His other attempts ended the same. He started to become a bit discouraged. Though he had to admit if he were home, he'd hang up. He sighed.

"Moshi, moshi!" Was yelled into his ear.

Ryou slowly looked up to a woman with brown hair and blue eyes greet him with a basket of muffins.

"In English, Friendship whore!"

"Baka-teme-"

"English!" Akefia yelled.

She flinched, "Well then, Hello! Nice to meet you! It's so good meeting another friendly face!" She smiled, "I'm Anzu Mazaki!"

"Tea Gardner."

"Anzu Mazaki!" Anzu? Cried out.

"Otaku." The tanned male turned back to his desk.

"Anyway, what's your name?"

"Ryou Williams..."

"Oh! That's cute!"

"If you ever need anything don't hesitate to come right over to my cubicle!" She giggled.

"Wow, Anzu, thank you so much-"

"COFFEE!" The woman from before, Mai, screeched into the room. Anzu practically trampled him over, along with a ton of other people!

"It's crunch time, Creampuff." Akefia said, standing, "Coffee is the only reason we don't kill one another. Get up and I'll show you the ropes."

Ryou wobbled to his feet, "Okay." He wasn't expecting anything like this in the office. He followed Akefia to the facility room. Everyone looked barbaric! Everyone was fighting over the coffee like it was gold yet there was a few no one would touch.

"Those," Akefia pointed to the abandoned cups, "Are decaff or soy milk."

"Why is no one fighting over them?"

"Because they are decaff or soy!"

"Oh." Ryou nodded, scared he snapped so quickly, "How do we get some?"

"Wait."

They stood there until everyone shattered like roaches out of the room. He approached the undesired coffee, handing one to Ryou.

"Um, I don't really like-"

Akefia hissed, "Drink it."

Ryou immediately gulped some down, "French vanilla!" He licked his lips.

"Yea, we label them so no one will specifically touch ours."

"Smart."

"Malik!" Akefia yelled.

"Wait!" A woman ran in from a back room with a box. She was quite beautiful to say the least.

"Meet the new guy Ryou."

She looked at him.

"Hi, I'm Ryou Williams. It's nice to meet you Ma'am."

"What?" Malik narrowed her eyes.

"Malik, here is happy to meet you, another fellow man." Akefia hinted.

Man?

Malik looked pissed, "Pleasured." He said in monotone.

"Ah! I apologize!" Ryou held his hands up in surrender.

The man seemed to calmed down with the gesture, "Welcome to the office!"

"Thanks."

The blonde opened the box, "Donut?"

Ryou practically beamed, "Thank you!"

Akefia grabbed him, "Don't."

"Akefia, if he wants a Donut, let him have one."

"No, you have this whole office in debt to you. I won't let you put another worker in your system of repayment."

"What are you talking about! I would never do that." Malik cried.

"Oh, yes you would! I've been paying you in favours for two fucking years."

"What's going on in here?" Bakura asked, walking in. He immediately headed for the counter.

"Bakura, Akefia is accusing me of wrong doings!"

"Tell your whore to stop forcing everyone in debt!"

"Whore?! Thief!"

"Thief?! Bitch."

Malik lunged at him, "WHO THE FUCK YOU THING YOU'RE TALKING TO! I'LL RIP YOU'RE FACE OFF AND USE IT AS A FRISBEE!"

"See! He is a demon in makeup!" He made a cross with his fingers.

Bakura had to grab the hissing blonde, having trouble with his flailing.

"Malik, do we need more charges. Remember last time?"

"That bitch deserved it! And I didn't rip her weave out!"

"I know," It was actually her real hair. "And as much as of a sexy little psychopath you are, No more lawsuits!"

"Yea, no more, Ishtar." Akefia mocked.

Malik kicked off his shoe, hitting him in the face, "Nice reflexes, mighty thief." Malik smirked. Both parties were royally pissed. Ryou could see a fight breaking out.

"I-I'LL JUST TAKE THE DONUT!" He yelled.

They quickly looked at him. Silence.

"Of course." Malik escaped Bakura's grasp, grabbing the box. "Here you go!" He flashed him an award winning smile.

"Thank you." He took a sprinkled donut. Akefia looked away as Bakura grinned, "May I have a napkin?"

Malik handed him the paper, Ryou grabbed it thanking him. He bit the donut and wiped his fingers. Malik snatched the 'napkin'.

"Thank you for your patronage."

Ryou blinked, staring at it. It was a contract? It's not like he could use a fingerprint. Could he?

"You, evil scheming high school looking like motherfucker."

"I forgot I went to school with you. That acne cleared up nicely, thank god."

Akefia angrily snatched the box. Ripping out a donut.

"Where are you from Ryou?"

The man blinked, "Im most familiar with Philadelphia. Well my parents are divorced so I hopped back and forth."

"Sorry to hear."

"No it was fun biking to see them."

Malik nodded, "That's good. Welcome to the office, again. I like you Ryou. Mild mannered and such you'll fit nicely in with the gang."

"Thanks."

And thus begun the strangest job Ryou would ever have. And the meeting of most crazy people he would ever know.


	2. Chapter 2: Sensitivity Training

About two years later...

"Well today we are doing some sensitivity training." Yami, the jackass of the office, said.

"Why?" Anzu asked, eagerly. She liked the idea. Finally something that brought them closer again!

Yugi, Yami's personal assistant, answered, "The complaint box is getting filled again." Last time they did Trust Exercises and Bakura was sent to the hospital after being shot with a few tranquilliser darts meant to take down a massive whale. In his defense, Anzu did not have to give him pink highlights. Especially the shade she did.

"There is a certain number of things you cannot be mocked for and those things are completely out of your power to fix. Like Bakura being gay and trying to catch a straight guy. You can't mock him about the gay part but preying on a straight guy is up for grabs."

He just shrugged, "In my defense, he is not straight, just remarkably stupid."

"I didn't know you had a love interest?" Malik gasped.

Bakura smirked. He had just proven his point.

"So who here has been the butt of a joke that has gone too far?"

Mai raised her hand, "Yami, you make fun of us every single day."

"Not true! So everyone we are going to make a Do Not Mock List." Yami said, "This means you can never be insulted on whatever you put on this list."

"Never ever?" Akefia asked.

"Never ever, ever never." He nodded, "Like under my name I would put, 'The Christmas party'."

"You mean when you got drunk and yelled you were Frank the Tank in the nude?" Ryou asked.

Joey chuckled, "We called you Dingle no Dangle for a week, didn't we?"

The man frowned, "Yes, it's on the list now. No one can discuss it or mock me."

"I want you to put my height under my name." Yugi said, looking up at Yami.

Yami wrote that on the white board too.

"I don't want anyone to mock my nose." Akefia muttered.

"Your...nose?"

"It's small in portion with my face." Everything about him was perfect but his nose.

Everyone stared at him realizing it was indeed small for his face.

Anzu looked at him, amazed, "How do you wear glasses?"

"Hey! It's on the list! I just have a very prominent Egyptian nose."

"What's an Egyptian nose? Is it a curse or something!" She bounced up and down.

"Okay, Malik want that too?"

"No, I like my nose. Let's people know they're beneath me." He stuck his nose in the air, "Plus my nose is normal. I have no idea what the hell he's talking about."

"Why else would my nose not fit my face?"

Mai rolled her eyes, "I don't know maybe genes from your family not entire nationality."

"I don't want people making fun of my sexuality or laugh." Bakura crossed his arms.

Yami frowned, "But you have the most ugly laugh-"

"Shut it, Hitachi!" Knowing he hated his real last name.

"It's like a cackle." Ryou mumbled.

"What was that, Creampuff!"

"Nothing."

Yami grumbled, "Fine. Why sexuality?"

"Because I continuously explain to you guys every other day I am not British just Gay!"

"You're not British?" Anzu dumbly asked.

"You're already on my black list Gardner. Both names."

She beamed, "Oh, I remember now! I want people to only call me Anzu Mazaki."

"We are stating things we do not want mocked not petty requests." Yami frowned.

"I don't want anyone to make fun of my petite figure." Mai stated.

Malik rolled his eyes, groaning. Joey snickered.

"I'm serious. I'm afraid to be thrown around like a football."

"Well, Mai, some of us might think you're fat so don't worry." Malik smiled at her.

Ryou fumbled with his cup of water, "Can...Can I put something on the board? I feel it will get out sooner or later so..."

"Don't put your name to it and we'll turn our heads." He handed Ryou the marker, "Everyone look away!"

Everyone just pretended like they weren't looking. Ryou quickly wrote it then scurried to his seat. Everyone looked at the board to see 'Sex with Terrorist'.

Yami's eyebrow were as high as they could go, "Um,"

"Was there consent or...?" Akefia asked.

"I didn't know. He didn't seem like a terrorist until he held me at gunpoint when the FBI raided his house."

Everyone stayed silent.

...

"Anyone else?"

"I am not a furry." Joey muttered.

"Joey, I'm sure you can help that. Plus it's our only reason for coming into work. Anyone else?" Yami asked.

Bakura nudged Malik, "Don't you have something?"

"Uh." He couldn't think of anything, "Well I'd like everyone to stop insulting my intelligence all the time."

"Okay." Yami wrote that down.

"And my exes."

Everyone gave a hearty laugh.

"Not even Carolyn?" Yami chuckled.

"No, I don't want to remember them." He pouted, embarrassed.

"But she personally drove up here to curse you out and set your car on fire."

"What about Desidera?" Akefia reminded everyone.

Malik slumped in his chair.

"She cut off his hair in his sleep!"

"Shut up! I had to wear my hair in a bob for the longest time!"

Yami laughed, "You can help dating insane chicks. Something else?"

"If I put it on the list, can I be charged with it?"

"OKAY!" Yugi yelled, "Everyone get back to work!"

Everyone got up and grumbled.

"Bakura, why didn't you tell me you were interested in someone? Tell me all about them!" Malik hugged his arm, enthusiastically.

Bakura shakily smiled, "Sure." He said through his teeth. Fucking obvious motherfucker-

Ryou and Anzu chased Akefia to put glasses on him to see if they'd stay.

"Mai, I like your petite figure."

"Can it, Bronx boy." She pushed pass him.

Yugi erased the boards, jumping to reach the top, "Yami?"

"Hm?" He collected his sheets.

"How is being tall?"

Yami looked at him, "It's beneficial. You also get a nice pair of legs."

"Oh."

"But I like your height on you." Yami ruffled his hair.

Yugi smiled, "Thanks Yami!"


	3. Segregated BathroomYami the boss

"Someone here has made some comments that the bathroom is white only," Yami announced to everyone, "Malik, you know that is simply not true."

The Egyptian looked at him from filing his nails, "Wasn't me and I'm the first to say something is racist."

"Akefia?"

He shook his head.

"Huh? Then who-"

"If not why is the man on the door white?" Joey crossed his arms.

Everyone looked at the icon. It was white. Well...

* * *

"What's it like being the boss?...It's difficult but I'm the best at what I do."

000

"I'm taking my freedom

Putting it in my song

Singing loud and strong

Grooving all day long

I'm taking freedom

Putting in my stroll

I be high-stepping y'all

Letting the joys unfold

I'm living my life like it's golden!" He sung in his car, pulling into his parking space.

Yami walked into the doors of his amazing branch, "G'morning, Mai!"

She looked up from her phone, "What hun? Oh uh hi." She jerked back to the phone, "What a man whore! That fucking scum!"

He kept on marching, "Hi, Bakura! Malik, been good?"

Malik turned around and waved to him. Bakura hissed at him, turning Malik back around to himself.

"Haha! That's good." He strutted through the hallway, "Yo Akefia!"

"Go fuck yourself."

Yami grinned, "Hah, you too bud."

I'm living my life like it's golden!

"Ryou, still stealing from the break room refrigerator?"

"Shhh!" The boy said, quickly, "Malik might-"

Yami heard a lion roar and Malik was soon pouncing on him. Yami watched for a second the blonde scratch and bite him. Then continued down the hallway.

"Hi Yami~" Tea called to him.

He kept walking, "Yo Joey!"

"Why ya walking like that Yami?"

"I'm just living my life like it's golden."

He nodded, "Cool man."

Yami sashayed into his office, slamming the door open, "Yug!"

"What."

"Let's handle the business." He put his dark sun glasses on, sitting in his spinney chair.

Yugi sighed and turned on the tv, "Pretty little liars or Orange is the New Black, sir?"

"Surprise me." He spun around.

000

"Yami is not a fucking Boss. I handle the real business while he goofs off. Occasionally he'll sign something but I don't think he's ever looked at one of the contracts he signs." Yugi shrugged, "Oh well, he signed a boost in my pay about 300 dollars so I really don't care. Yet it's funny how he calls himself a boss when I'm calling all the shots, huh?" Yugi smiled.


	4. More Bathroom Problems and Complaints

Hi, hi! New chapter pretty quick huh? Just got a couple of ideas from some from friends. My one friend, who is gay, gave me the idea for the first scene. We have weird conversations. Anyway enjoy!

* * *

A knock came to Yami's office door.

"Come in." Joey and Malik walked in very seriously. Yami turned off his Spanish soap operas, "What's the prob-"

"What the fuck is on the bathroom door." Malik tapped his foot, angrily.

"Excuse me?"

"The sign, Yami." Joey stated, "The man is rainbow now."

"I coloured him in with different colour sharpies."

Malik scowled, "So it's only gays allowed now huh!"

"Wha..." He blinked, "No, no-"

"That's the gay flag! Are you telling me it's not!"

Yami ran a hand in his hair, "Not what I'm saying but that's not the reason-"

"You should be more considered about how others might feel." Joey grumbled.

"One it's not gays only, two Malik you are gay."

"I am not!"

The man rubbed his temples, "What do you want me to do?"

"Take it down."

He sighed, "How will visitors know where it is?"

"Just put a picture of a urinal." Joey said.

"What?"

"A picture of a urinal."

Yami stared at them. If he said yes, they would leave, "Okay."

Malik and Joey high fived and ran out.

The man shook his head. He turned back to his shows. He tuned in just in time to see his favorite actress slap her cheating husband, "Oh Maria, I wish I was like you."

* * *

"You know everyone, there's been a lot of name calling about our office from one of you," Yami glanced at Yugi. "That jail is better than here. Which is simply not true but none of us have been to prison. But this is why I have someone to speak to you about prison really is." He put on a bandanna, "I'm Prison Yami!" He yelled.

"Oh lord." Yugi sighed.

Mai scowled, "You don't honestly think we believe-"

"You honestly don't think I won't push you up against a wall, Biatch!"

"Woah!" Joey yelled. Everyone voiced their disapproval too.

"Sorry, sorry. That's just how we talk...in the clink."

Akefia and Ryou looked at each other from across the room, both amused.

"There's been a lot of talk about prison here today and I'm here to scare you straight. I AM HERE TO SCARE YOU STRAIGHT!" He screamed in Anzu's face.

Bakura raised an eyebrow.

"In prison you are somebody's bitch! And you, "He points to Ryou, "Would be the main feast. Don't drop the soap." He made kissing noises.

"Yami, stop it." Yugi threatened.

"Where did you learn all of this?" Akefia asked.

"Internet."

"Uh. Not prison?"

"50-50. Both. Listen it stinks! It's not like ya can go home and recharge your batteries, come back the next day to your friends and having fun at the office."

Akefia raised his hand again, "What did you do Prison Yami?"

"...I stole and robbed. And I kidnapped the president's son and held him for ransom." Especially considering the president only has daughters.

"Wow that's quite the rap sheet-"

"I ain't get caught either."

"You're in prison so..."

Ryou grinned, "Prison Yami, what was the food like in prison?"

"It was gruel...sandwiches. Gruel omelets. Nothing but gruel."

He nodded.

"Plus you can eat your own hair."

"Wow, prison sounds horrible." Anzu said.

"Well thanks, Teá. Tanks." He rolled his eyes.

Joey raised his hand, "What's like the very very worst thing 'bout prison!"

"Don't encourage him." Mai mumbled.

Yami raised his voice, "The very worst thing was the dementors! They were scary and flew all over the place and they'd swoop down and suck the soul from your body! And it HURT!"

Bakura smirked, "Like in Harry Potter?"

"No. Not like Harry Potter. There are no movies in prison! My point is you guys got it soft and cushy! This place is freaking awesome! The people are awesome! Your boss is nice!"

Everyone looked at each other.

"You all seem to get along! The people are tolerant! People who jump to conclusions can redeem themselves," He looked at Joey, referring to the bathroom incident, "No body's no one's bitch!" He looked at Ryou, "And me, I'd just like to thank you. For accepting me here today and letting me into your life. Because ya got a good life! Ya got a good life!" Yami turned around and took off the bandana. He turned back to the group, teary-eyed.

"Thank you, uh that must have been very difficult for you...both of you." Bakura said.

Yami nodded.

Malik frowned, "I have been to jail you know." He said filing his nails, which he did a lot of in the meetings because they said he couldn't press his hair anymore in there, "At lot of what you just said is based off of movies and television. And none of it reminded me of my time in jail."

"Uh..." Yami stared at him lying on Bakura's lap like a child (or something a actual couple would do but hey).

"Actually majority of it seems like a lie." He finished.

"Nope actual factual."

"Doubt it."

"At least I'm not face first into someone's else crotch now am I!"

000

"How the fuck is the complaint box full again!" Yami screamed at his employees from his office.

"Go fuck yourself!" Akefia yelled back.

"Don't you talk! I have piles of complaints about you from customers that I'm ignoring!"

Anzu came over, "I still love you Yami."

"..." He stared at her. Who was she, "Thanks...Annie."

"Uh Anzu."

"That's great Allyson. Hey, Ryou why did ya snitch on me! You looked content with the meeting!"

"I didn't like that you said I would get raped. I take various forms of protections."

Malik made a face, "Hun, witchcraft won't work in jail, no candles."

Ryou's face dropped, "Really?"

"No they have a fucking occult store in jail, Creampuff!" Bakura yelled, sarcastically.

"Bakura, why did you file a complaint, I said nothing to you!"

"You took down the gays only sign. I liked peeing by myself."

Yami turned into his office and slammed the door. Everyone watched him scream and stomp around throwing papers around. He came back to the door, "Everyone is off this weekend."

They nodded.

"Good." He gently shut the door. He turned on his radio and sat on his desk, deeply thinking.

"Akefia, I can't believe that worked!" Joey chuckled.

"Yea!" Everyone happily clocked out that day.


	5. The Twerp and Debt

Hi, hi! Just a quick shout out to those to reviewed and followed! It really helps me out knowing what you guys think! If you want a particular scene from The Office then don't be afraid to tell me about it!

Please and Thanks!

* * *

"Okay, everyone! Rebecca from the Health department is coming here." Yami announced.

Everyone groaned.

"Why her!"

"She's the only person they'll send here. Apparently we're dangerous." Yugi stated.

"Dangerous? Us?" Joey asked, earnestly.

"Ha! We're harmless little bun-" Malik turned to see Mai with a donut, "Bitch, did you pay!" He whipped out a pocket knife. Ryou grabbed unto him, pulling him back, "I'll slit your throat." Rolling the r on throat.

Akefia nudged a smirking Bakura, "Don't look so 'pleased' with that."

"Let me enjoy my unrequited love."

"Hn."

"Malik! Mai! Cut it out! We have to prove we are harmless to the health department!" Yami yelled.

"That's not likely but let's have optimism!" Yugi said.

"Damn right!" Everyone agreed.

"If we're good at nothing else it's blind faith things will turn out good in the end!" Ryou stated.

"Yea!" They marched into the conference room, waiting for Rebecca quietly. Everyone seemed determined.

Yugi looked annoyed already. He really grew less patient with age especially with idiotic things.

Anzu glanced at him, "Don't worry Yug! She'll be gone soon."

He smiled at her gester, "Thanks Anzu."

She smiled too. At least Yugi called her Anzu! Yami saw this interaction and noisily pushed his chair in between them. The noise was so awful everyone covered their ears.

"Ow! My precious hearing!" Malik cried.

The door then slammed open, "Hmph! What an awful receptionist!" The twerp walked through the door.

Mai stomped in, shutting it behind her, "Fucking shrimp." She mumbled.

"Yami, what type of incompetent staff is this. Your receptionist didn't even greet me at the door and just buzzed me in." She walked up to him.

"We don't greet people."

"Germantown Branch did."

He raised an eyebrow, "Bitch this is not Germantown."

She scowled at him then noticed Yugi, "Hi Yugi!" She beamed.

"Good Morning, Ms. Hopkins."

"Not so formal, Yugi dear-" She took a step forward and Yami moved in front of her.

"You have something you're supposed to be showing us?"

She frowned, running to the other side of Yugi only to be blocked by Anzu. Her and Yami both smiled in her face.

"Get on with the lesson."

She absolutely fumed.

"Get on with it! Damn!" Malik yelled.

"Who the hell are you!"

"Bitch, I work here so who the fuck are you!" He always skipped when he heard there was a guest speaker but this time Yami caught him off guard, "Hmph! Asking me who I am. I'm the motherfucker actually doing my job, why don't you try it."

Yami smirked. He made Malik come for a reason. Rebecca was bitchy but Malik was the Queen Bitch especially when he had to come in on days off.

Rebecca stood shocked, "Well, I, uh...fine." She went to her bag to pull her material out.

Malik rolled his eyes, "This is the chick, you guys have problems with. Pathetic. Bakura, help me take my hair out." He took off his hat, not prepared to come in this morning.

Bakura sighed yet helped him take the knots out. Rebecca finally turned back around with the equipment a few moments later. Malik was shaking out his hair from the bantu knots and combing through it.

"Who are you!" She cried.

Malik scowled, "Same snippy bastard from before with gorgeous hair!"

She was highly pissed off anyone dared to retaliate her rudeness, "Really? To actually believe such a sailor's mouth belong to such a pretty thing."

"Heh, what's that got to say about you when you don't behold a face like mine: Expected."

Ryou giggled, "Ooo burn."

She gasped, "How dare you!"

He groaned, pulling out his Ipod, "Just start your boring lesson lady." He put his ear buds in.

Rebecca growled, "Well motherfuckers I'm teaching how to properly keep a first aid kit today."

"No cursing on the job." Yami teased knowing she was irritated.

She glared at him then at the equipment. She sighed, calming herself down, "We'll start with the first aid kit."

About an hour later of boring instructions and tips, Yami turned to Malik. The blonde took his ear piece out.

"Be annoying."

Malik rolled his eyes, "I don't feel like arguing."

"I paid you for your specialties."

"Fine." He leaned over behind Anzu's ear, "Let it go~"

"LET IT GO! CAN'T IT BACK ANYMORE!" She burst into song, standing. Malik fell out of his chair in surprise. Yami's eyebrows were raised as high as can be as he awkwardly looked into the camera.

"What the hell!" Rebecca cried.

"You sing it Teá!" Joey yelled.

"LET IT GO! LET IT GO! TURN AWAY AND SLAM THE DOOR!"

Joey stood up too, "I DON'T CARE WHAT THEY'RE GOING TO SAY! LET THE STORM RAGE ON..."

They turned to each other, "The cold never bothered me anyway!"

Ryou threw glitter around them.

Akefia crawled into a corner. "Work in an office they said. There's no musical numbers, they said. Bullshit." He rocked himself. Akefia had a deadly fear of musicals of any kind. Not after what happened at the Broadway Production of the Lion King! He shuddered.

"Frozen has a cult behind it." Bakura stated. He was one his phone checking how many days more would he stay 'sane'. He had a countdown thing and everything.

"Did someone say occult?" Ryou perked up.

"No a cult."

"Yea occult."

"No. No. A cult"

They stared at each other, "Occult." Bakura took his shoe off and threw it at his face.

Rebecca watched this madness and saw Yugi without one of his guards. She could take Yami. She ran towards them. Yami caught wind of her intention. She threw a punch at him, he dodged it barely.

"I took multiple forms of self defense from all around the world!" She bragged.

"Well I took boxing classes at the YMCA so fuck you!" He blocked her kick with his leg.

"Wow. What do you put in your hair?" Mai sat on Malik so he couldn't run away.

He groaned, "Kera Hair Care products."

"Really!"

"Yea."

"I love their products."

He looked at her hair. Eyes focusing on every split end, "Really?"

Yugi looked around the room. He started to get a bit frustrated, "Everyone please stop." He said, loudly. No one listening. Anzu and Joey got glitter everywhere, he was going to clean. Akefia was scratching at the walls, he was going to plaster it. Yami threw Rebecca into a pile of papers, he was going to organise that. Mai was bugging Malik, he was going to hear about it. He grew more impatient by the second, "CUT IT OUT!" He roared.

Everyone, in a split second, returned to their seat.

"Good." He sighed.

Rebecca continued with the lesson for about another hour. Everyone clapped for her after she finished and she left. Ryou had to escort a jittery Akefia out the room, Anzu and Joey trailed glitter, Bakura carried a sleeping Malik, Mai left on the phone.

"No Malik next time." Yugi stated.

"Got it. I'm out of 200 bucks but I smashed Rebecca's face in so win win."

"I'm glad you tried to stand up for me, in your delusional and strange way but please remember to maintain a professional attitude." He walked to the door, going to get some fresh air, "And don't punch girls."

"She came at me first!"

"I know but you take boxing classes at the YMCA. You'd destroy her."

The Y did teach him crazy moves, "I got it."

"Good...Thanks for today." He left.

Yami smiled then looked around the disgusting room. He'd let the night guy take care of it. He left.

There was no night guy. Poor Yugi.

* * *

"Akefia, ask me why I'm sad." Malik pouted. They were sitting outside during lunch break, waiting for Ryou to come with the Bag O Mystery. They did it every Thursday. Some would go to a store and buy things at random and they'd eat it. Bakura couldn't go out today much because his allergies.

"No." He resumed drinking his coffee.

"How are you even my best friend?"

"You realize we have two other best friends to discuss your problems with?"

"I want to talk to you!"

Akefia just sipped his coffee louder.

"Oh Akefia, you beautifully dream crushing little demon."

"Continue with your problem." He liked flattering.

"Well I need some money and I'm not sure who to ask."

He looked at him, dumbly, "Bakura."

"Huh? I've never asked him for money, ever. He's already letting me live with him."

"You pay rent though."

"It's his house though."

Akefia groaned, "The bastard shouldn't have bought such a big house for himself!"

Malik thought about it, "True."

"Go ask him."

"I'd feel bad though!"

The grey haired man growled, "He wouldn't mind! I think he'd be estatic you're relying on him!" That bastard would love to know Malik was depending on him somewhat heavily. Akefia couldn't understand his appeal towards the blonde but whatever floats his fucking boat.

"Really?"

He groaned, "Yea!"

Malik played with his thumbs, "Okay." He stood up, "Thank you, Kefi." He gave him a quick hug before leaving.

Akefia sighed. Damn idiots. Ryou then ran over with a big bag, "Food."

"Food."

They sat for the rest of the break eating whatever was in the bag. Ryou really ate a lot for such a skinny man. They walked into the office, going back to their desks.

Malik wobbled over and almost missed the chair as he fell.

"Did he fuck you or beat you up? Or both?" Akefia asked, working.

"Ew. Neither. I have to go on a fake date with him. Something about pissing off his ex."

"Have fun." Ryou said.

The blonde just groaned loudly.


	6. Oversleeping and Akefia's second life

Malik heard the phone ring loudly, "Whaaa?" He picked the phone, "Hello? Oh Hi, Yami!" He perked his voice up, "No, no! I'm coming, I just caught traffic on the 95. Yup, yup. Okay, see you soon." He hung up. He sighed. Dammit.

He rolled over to come face to face with his housemate, "What the fuck? Bakura!"

"Hm?" The white haired man groaned.

"Why are you in my bed?"

He shrugged. Malik scratched his head, "Well we gotta get up, we overslept."

"Noooo."

The blonde shook him, "Bakura!"

The man pushed him off the bed then turned onto his other side. Malik moaned, pained. He got up then flopped onto Bakura.

"Malik, I'll end you."

"I have the Rihanna tickets in my vault and you don't know the code."

"We share the code."

He yawned, "My other vault."

"...I'll end you after the concert but now we get ready for work."

Malik knew that would get him. They got up and walked to the window, gripping each other's hand.

"Do it." The blonde whispered. Bakura threw open the curtains. They fell to the floor.

"Ah! Fuck!" Malik yelled as the light attacked his sensitive eyes.

Bakura slumped on the wall, "Is there no god?"

000

He stared sadly into the mirror, "Bakura!" Malik pathetically whined, he couldn't put his kohl on. He kept falling asleep.

Bakura ran into a wall. He couldn't get his shirt on, "How do I get my head out!" He screamed, angrily.

"..." Malik sighed, looking back into the mirror. He looked...acceptable. He gave himself a thumbs up then fell asleep, crashing to the floor.

000

"Is that my shoe?" Bakura asked, one shoe on his foot.

Malik looked at the shoe on his foot that felt a little snug, "Yea."

"Let's call Yami."

He nodded. Bakura pulled out his phone, dialing the number. They sat on the couch.

/Hello./

"Yo."

"Hi Yami."

"Listen, Yami. Malik and I can't come in. We slept too hard. That nap fucked us up."

/...Ok. Oh well. Deuces./

"Hm. Wanna play mortal kombat?" Bakura asked.

The blonde nodded, "Ok. Our fake date is tomorrow?"

"Yea."

"Now how gay should I look?"

"Ruffled blouse."

"Dammit! I have to look like fucking Prince?!"

"You idiot!" Bakura laughed.

They laughed aloud. They stopped when they heard the doorbell ring.

"I'll get it."

"Stab them."

"K." He walked to the door to see a little girl.

"Hi." She whispered.

"Hi..." He stared at her. This was certainly surprising.

"Are you my daddy?"

He nervously grinned, "Bakura!"

"Whaaat?" He groaned.

Malik didn't know what to do, "C'mere!" The girl walked over to him. He picked her up and slammed the door, "Baaaaakuraaa!" He screamed, running into the living room.

"God Malik what?...What the fuck is that?"

"A girl!"

"Why is she here you fucking idiot!" Bakura growled.

"I'm looking for my daddy!" The girl piped up.

Bakura glared at him.

"She's not mine!"

"It's between you and a gay man! It's yours!"

"I haven't dated in a year!"

"She's clearly older than a year!"

The girl threw her arms in the arm, "No fighting."

"She's right." Malik nodded, "Hey girly, what's your name?"

"Amane."

"Amane, we're not your daddy but we'll help you look for him."

"Kay."

Malik scratched his head, "Do you want some coffee or juice?"

"A juice box." She said.

He started walking for the kitchen, "Do you like Mortal Kombat?"

"I like games with plot. Like Fable."

He nodded, "Good game series, no doubt about that."

Bakura just stared at them. Oh god, why! They should have gone to work.

* * *

"Ryou, the way you eat is disgusting." Akefia stated. They were in the break room.

"Leave him alone, grumpy puss." Mai defended him, eating her salad.

The Egyptian frowned at her, "Why do you bring salad everyday but sneak candy bars throughout the day."

She blushed, embarrassed, "How do you know that!"

"I know everything."

Ryou nodded, "He really does!" Some food fell out his mouth and popped it back in there.

Mai cringed. That was disgusting, "Akefia when are you gonna go out with my friend! She saw you at last year's cookout and said she liked you." For some strange reason.

"No thanks."

"You're gonna be single forever."

He shrugged, "I'm just fine."

She shook her head, "Anyway, did you hear that Yami's cousin is running another branch in Boston."

"Really? Is he a bastard too?" Ryou asked.

"He never talks about him but I heard he's in town." She grinned, "He talks too loud on the phone. Apparently his cousin is gay though."

"Yea, he is. Dark skin, brown eyes. Nice ass." Akefia mused, "His attitude isn't as psychotic and proud as Yami's though."

They stared at him, "What?"

"Oh yea," He pulled a necklace from his shirt, "I'm married." He dangled the chain with the ring on it.

Their jaws dropped, "YOU'RE MARRIED!"

"When did you-"

"Right out of high school." He stated.

Ryou sat down his foot long hoggie, "With Yami's cousin?"

"Yea."

"Does anyone know?"

"Malik."

They looked at each other, "Why him?"

"I've sadly known him a very long time. As well as Yami's family."

"Wow..." Ryou said with his mouth full, "No one knows much about you."

"I'm a mystery."

"Anything else?" Mai asked.

He scratched his head, "Hm. I do have three kids."

"Waaaah!" Ryou cried, excitedly. He heard a thud beside him. Mai fainted!

Akefia smirked. Surprise motherfuckers.


	7. Spa days and Breaking and Making Up

**I fucked up when I originally uploaded this chapter only putting half of the damn chapter (Smooth move).**

 **The song featured is Gold Digger by Kanye West. (I don't listen to most of his music probably older songs. I find his egotism rather assuming.)**

* * *

Malik looked at the small girl, "You're coming to work with us. Okay?"

"Ok. Where do you work?" Amane asked, wearing his oversized shirt.

"Paper Company." He said, ironing her dress.

"Seems boring."

"It's fun at times."

She kicked her legs, "Does Mr. Touzoku work there?"

"Yes."

"Is he as mean at work?"

"Oh, he's not mean!" Malik defended him, "He's grumpy. He's just surprised by this."

"Hmm...he seems mad at you."

"He's always a bit annoyed with me but he's not mad."

She smiled at him, "That's good."

"Now let's fix that bed head." He grabbed the brush off his dresser

She giggled.

000

"Hey Bakura, what's for breakfast?"

The man glared at him then exiting with his toast. Amane watched him, "He's grumpy huh?"

"Uh, we're no morning people." He shrugged.

The girl frowned, "Malik, you're not my daddy."

"Yea, I know." He was a bit surprised.

"Does he?"

Malik blinked, "Well..." Maybe Bakura didn't believe him when he said she wasn't his. Either way he's just looking out for his good friend, "He's just being protective."

"Oh ok." She nodded.

"Do you want some poptarts?"

"Brown sugar?" Amane asked.

"Strawberry tastes like dirt."

She smiled, "Right. Yes please then."

He popped the treats in the toaster, "What does your dad look like?"

"White, short hair, tall. Business man. He came to see my half brother. I'm not sure who he is though."

"Oh okay. How did you get separated?"

Amane jumped a bit, "Well...um. He didn't bring me here. I kinda...came on my own."

Malik looked at her then screamed, "You ran away?!" He ran over to her, "Are you hurt! Did anything happen!" He grabbed her face looking for wounds.

"I'm fine." She muffled out of her smooshed mouth.

"Are you crazy!" He shook her, senseless. She was flung mercilessly until he finally snapped out of it.

"Haven't you ran away before?" She asked, holding the table for support.

He stood still, "Oh god." All the 22 times of trying to run away, "I did. I had good reasons though! You would see your pops in a few days, Amane!"

She pouted, "I want to be with him now. He's all I got."

Malik looked at her knowingly, "Alright. No more running from home though. It's too dangerous out here for a small girl."

"The fact is I'm small not that I'm a girl."

"True but are you gonna tell that to those creeps out there who only want to hurt you for being a girl."

She didn't reply.

"Amane, just be safe. Please, I never want to see you hurt." He said, patting her head.

"Okay. I promise." She smiled.

The pop tarts popped out the toaster, "You're eating in the car. I really have to go or I'll be late!" He grabbed the treats, burning his hands, "Fucking hell!"

Amane raised her eyebrows.

"I mean frickle frackle!"

She nodded. He smiled then picked them up with a paper towel. He grabbed his keys, "Bakura C'mon!" He yelled, walking with Amane to the door. He opened the door to see Bakura driving down the street.

"BAKURA! BAKURAAAA!" He screamed after him.

Amane scowled, "Got tokens?"

* * *

Amane sat quietly on the bus as Malik loudly complained to someone over the phone.

"Can you believe that! I don't know what's gotten into him!"

Jealousy? Anger? Betrayal? She kicked her legs. She very much like this Bakura guy. Too grumpy and apparently temperamental. Bad combo.

"Malik, eat this." She said.

"Huh? No, no, hun. You eat your food."

She placed half of her pop tart in his hand, "You should eat too."

He brightly smiled at her, "Thanks."

* * *

"So you planning on buying your own home?"

Malik held her hand, walking into the parking lot.

"Yea, recently picking out homes in Allentown."

Amane said, sipping her juice box, "I heard there's good homes in Scraton."

He nodded opening the door to the office, "Hi, Mai."

"Uh, Malik you're an hour late."

"Uh well I had to catch the bus."

She looked at him then Amane.

"She's my buddy for the day, right?"

The silver haired girl nodded. Mai smiled, "Cute. Don't forget to deal with Yami."

"Yea." He walked to his desk with Amane. He sat her in the chair, "Akefia."

The man glared at him.

"Watch Amane."

He looked at the girl for identification. Malik nodded he was right. He shrugged in response but Malik knew he'd watch her. He walked straight into Yami's office.

"What the fuck you doin'?" He asked.

Yami was on his desk getting a massage, "Getting a massage. Why you late?"

He told him what happened.

"Damn. Massage?"

000

"You know Yami?" Malik said, soaking his hands and feet next to him. He had the typical face mask on with cucumbers over his eyes.

"Huh?" He muffled with a hot towel over his face.

"Sometimes I don't get Bakura. He's so cryptic at times."

"You guys have know each other since forever. It's just because he's worried."

Malik frowned, "He wasn't even this mad when I accidentally set the kitchen on fire."

Yami shrugged. Bakura was jealous and betrayed obviously, "Don't worry about it. The girls to nails too, want your nails done?"

"Hell yea."

000

"I want Malik." Amane said to Akefia.

"So?" He said, on the phone with a customer, "Not you so shut the fuck up."

"I want to be with him."

Bakura sat a coffee on Akefia's desk, "Get in line."

She glared at him, "You."

"What did I do?"

She stood up, pushing the chair onto the ground, "You're the reason he was so upset! You insecure bastard."

"Listen twerp, grow a few inches so I can hear you."

"I swear I'll put a curse on you!" She cried.

Ryou ran out the break room, "Someone say curse?"

Bakura took the tape dispenser and throw it at him. Amane smirked knowing he was pissed. He looked at her with fury.

"Gonna hit a child?"

"Hitting is the half of what I want to do."

She flipped her pigtails, "Try me." She coaxed.

He smirked, "Dare me?"

"Double dog dare you, dumb fuck." Her eyes turned frightening. Akefia slightly jerked. This girl was batshit crazy! He looked at Bakura who stood with the same look. Oh lord.

000

"Is this usually what you do?" Malik asked looking at his long stiletto nails with crystals.

"When Yugi's out."

Made sense. Yugi would totally not allowed this.

Yami sketched out, "This was fun. Haven't had anyone join me on one of these beauty days."

"Shit I'll join anytime."

"Good. It gets boring without Yugi."

Malik frowned, "He still ignoring you?"

"No, he's still very strong in the fact we are never getting back together but hey."

"It'll get better! Yugi can't hold grudges for long."

Yami nodded, "True."

"Good luck with him though." He said, walking to the door.

"You too."

The blonde gave a snort, "Ha, you say that like Bakura and I are a thing!"

Yami looked into the camera then back at him. He smiled, "How would I ever get an idea like that!" He humoured him.

"I don't know!" He laughed, "See ya!" He left.

The man shook his head, "That poor sexually confused boy." He turn to the masseuse, "Wanna watch some Spanish soap operas?" They looked at each other then nodded.

000

Malik walked to his desk to find no one was there. Neither Akefia, Ryou or Amane. He heard noise coming from the breakroom. He followed the commotion.

"Guys what's going on?" He asked as he opened the door.

"The world's most intense glaring contest." Joey said.

"They've been at in for a solid thirty minutes." Akefia stated.

He blinked, looking at the table where Amane and Bakura were. They were giving each other unblinking death glares.

"Bakura! Amane!" He called.

Everyone shushed him.

"Not now Malik." Bakura growled.

"Yea, but out. I'm glaring in your honour." Amane scowled.

He stared at the two idiots. Whaa...

* * *

They sat quietly in the car ride home. Malik had to jump on the hood of the car for Bakura not to speed off. Amane was asleep in the back seat.

"Ba-"

"Shut up, I'm driving."

The blonde slouched. He reached for the radio only to have his hand slapped.

"Why would you turn the radio on?"

"I need simulation."

The pale man blinked then narrowed his eyes, "If I told you to shut up then I obviously don't want noise so why?"

He shrugged, "I need noise to feel sane."

That was true about Malik. That's one reason nighttime was so difficult for him.

"Well shut up for now."

The car was silent again. Malik started to pushed on the door and Bakura's seat. He kicked his foot up, pushing the windshield.

"Malik!" Bakura yelled, angrily, "Don't start that panicking shit!" He groaned seeing he was stopping then turned on the radio.

Malik calmed down.

"Fucking idiot."

The blonde narrowed his eyes, "You know I have a phobia."

"I don't care."

Last straw. Malik slammed the gears into neutral.

"What are you-"

"I'll fucking leave."

The white haired man looked at him, "I'll should only take 20 minutes to-"

"I'll leave completely. Move out. Leave the neighborhood. You don't fucking care? Good riddance. I don't need a friend who doesn't give a shit about me."

"Wait til we get home. We're in traffic-"

"Fix your attitude."

Bakura glared at him, "Don't order me around, Malik. I'm not the one."

"Fix you shitty ass attitude." He said, venomous.

"Make me."

Malik punched him in the face. Bakura slammed him into the car door. Amane woke up, startled. They continued to punch and kick each other while she screamed. Malik accidentally kicked the volume button on the staring wheel. They stopped at the sudden song. Bakura pulling Malik's hair and Malik ripping Bakura's sleeve.

 _"She take my money when I'm in need_

 _Yeah she's a trifling friend indeed_

 _Oh, yea she's a golddigger way over town_

 _That digs on me."_

They looked at each other.

* * *

 _Malik sat on the park bench, he ran away from his foster home again. This was the third time this month. The home wouldn't even call the police, they didn't feel like having a case so they sent other kids out to find him. Brilliant._

 _Philadelphia. Some call it Filth-adelphia. The only place where you can buy a live chicken then walk down the street and get a fancy meal but that was 9th street. It was a nice place to live for lots though._

 _Akefia finally showed up, scowl on his face as usual, "I hope you know I have other friends."_

 _"Doubt they're as pretty as me."_

 _He didn't respond to that, "Get up. I have a birthday party to go to and I guess you're coming."_

 _"Alright."_

 _Akefia was a good friend despite his attitude. That was just his sucky personality._

 _"Don't over do it with the drinking." He said as they arrived at the party._

 _"No promises."_

 _He rolled his eyes. He knew it was only a joke. They walked inside. The party had already started, the music was loud, the kids were drunk and there was not a parent to be seen. Not like Malik saw them often anyway._

 _"I have to give this gift to the host. Stay here."_

 _"Don't be so worried. You have fun."_

 _"We're not staying long."_

 _"Fine. You have even more fun then." He said._

 _Akefia gave him one last look before leaving. He put his hands in his pockets. He stood there a few moments before closing his eyes. Anywhere was better than his foster home._

 _"Hey."_

 _Malik looked to his right, "Hi." It was a white haired boy. How strange but he was used to such colours after seeing Akefia with a full head of grey hair._

 _"You look quite bored for a party." He smirked._

 _"Hn. You don't look too turned up either."_

 _"Me? No, not a party person."_

 _He nodded, "You don't want to be drinking with these fools." He commented watching them play drunk twister._

 _"Hah, yeah."_

 _"Got a name?" Malik asked._

 _He sipped his drink, "Bakura."_

 _"Name's Malik. I like you Bakura. Very chill." He looked out the window to see one of the other foster kids looking for him. Damn! He grabbed Bakura's arm, "Where's the drinks?" He pulled him._

 _"Kitchen."_

 _"Smart place to put them."_

 _"I know right?"_

 _They walked into the kitchen. There was a group of kids just listening to music and rapping along. Malik walked over to the cooler and pulled out a beer. They leaned on the wall and listened._

 _"This is my song! You fuck wit this music or naw?"_

 _"Hm?" Bakura glanced at him._

 _"Or do you like rock n roll or something like that."_

 _Bakura smirked, looking at him, "_ _18 years, 18 years_ _  
_ _She got one of your kids, got you for 18 years_ _  
_ _I know somebody paying child support for one of his kids_ _  
_ _His baby mamma car and crib is bigger than his!"_

 _Malik looked shocked then laughed, "Haha! You are crazy!"_

 _"You think I can't like rap?"_

 _"I won't ever again!" He smiled, "C'mon." They finished the song together and Malik forgot about his god awful foster home._

* * *

They stared at each other.

"Do you remember-" Malik asked.

"Yea." Bakura said, not blinking. He let go of Malik and Malik let go of him.

"I'm sorry." The blonde said, sullen.

"Should be."

He pinched him.

"Ow dammit! Fine me too, I'm sorry."

"You forgive me?"

"No- Ow! Stop pinching me with your talons! Yes, I forgive you."

"I forgive you too." Malik said, opening his arms, "Come on."

"What, no."

"Bring it in here."

"Malik no!"

"Shut up. You know you want this good loving! Stop playing."

Bakura crossed his arms, "I'm not playing."

The blonde rolled his body in a wiggling motion, "Gimme some huUUUGGGSSS!" He poorly tried to hit a high note like Mariah Carey or Sia.

The albino busted out into laughter, "Oh god, let's go home!"

"Wait, I can hit it!"

He rolled his eyes and pulled off, finally letting traffic through properly.

"Now that gay marriage is legal in the states, do you think Kayne West will finally marry himself?"

Bakura smirked, "Shut up, Malik. You're trying to make me laugh and crash this car."

"Buddy I love you more than Kanye loves Kayne!"


	8. Sleepovers and Hospital Visits

**Hi, hi! Thank you to everyone who reviewed! It's nice knowing that this silly story is making you laugh and smile! I think that's the best part.**

 **Warning for this chapter: FLUFF! AND MORTAL KOMBAT! With pillows.**

* * *

Ryou, you sing opera?" Bakura asked, getting more snacks.

"Yup." He nodded, proudly.

"He's like legit! In one of those fancy joints downtown!" Malik smiled, "LalalalalalLA!"

Ryou laughed, "Yea like that!"

"Malik, never be a singer." Akefia grumbled, eating pop corn.

"Well-"

"Aren't you guys too old to be having a sleepover?" Amane said, coming downstairs.

"It's called Guy's Night!" Malik cried.

"It looks like a group of grown men dressed in onesies about to have a pillow fight."

They sat silently. Ryou hung his head, "Wanna watch?"

000

"On the left we have the undisputed champ Captain Catnip!" Bakura lifted up his boxing gloves (oven mittens), "And on the right we have-" Malik stared at the card, "No, you can't use this name."

"Why not?" Akefia asked.

The blonde hit him with a pillow, "Pick up an AMERICAN history book! Better yet an AFRICAN AMERICAN history book! You cannot use the name Black Panther! Dumbass."

Amane shook her head.

"Fine then. I'm-"

"You're the Egyptian Affliction!" Ryou cried.

"Okay!" Malik yelled, "I want a clean fit! No hitting in the crotch or face! Go!"

Akefia just whacked Bakura with the pillow extremely quick and he went down.

"Ah! Bakura! You killed my housemate!" Malik cried.

Amane raised her eyebrows and Ryou just laughed his ass off.

"Hah! He fucking died!" He cackled, falling off the couch. He really needed to get a grip on when he laughed. Bakura sat up and threw his pillow intensely at Ryou's face with all his might. The pillow slowly fell from his face, revealing a red mark.

"Cheap shot." Ryou mumbled.

Malik blinked then perked up, "Round 2! Ding ding!"

Akefia swung at Bakura. He dodged it barely, grabbing a pillow as he leaned back. He swung his leg out and tripped Akefia. The dark skinned man dodged as he tried to punch, rolling over then kicking him in the chest.

Amane watched with interest.

"Go! Go! Go!" Ryou yelled eating popcorn.

Bakura and Akefia clashed pillows. Akefia delivered blow after blow after blow. Bakura was about to fall out the ring, he needed to act. As soon as the taller man reeled his pillow in for another strike, the albino swung his pillow, knocking the pillow out his hands. Akefia fell backwards, defenseless.

"FINISH HIM!" Malik yelled.

Bakura nodded. He slammed his fist into his chest with the pillow and ripped out the fluff!

"Fatality! Captain Catnip wins!" Malik said, dramatically.

Ryou and Amane cheered and clapped. Amane saw nothing like that at a sleepover!

"Bravo!"

000

"Ryou this ain't gonna work." Malik frowned. They were sitting on a pentagram with a ouiji board.

"Shut up. Recite these ancient words after me. Asmeraza Es Pertutaz." (Not real cult words)

"I don't know Spanish." Akefia groaned.

"I didn't pay attention to Spanish class either." Bakura admitted.

"They're cult words!"

Malik lied on his back, "Spanish is an important language to learn though!"

"You know that bitch would go on and on without explaining."

"Oh yea. She sucked."

Ryou moaned, "Guys~" He whined.

"Oops. Esmeralda es Putin." Bakura said.

"That sounds like a ship." Malik laughed.

"Who would ship that-" Ryou cried.

Everyone raised their hands.

"Guys!"

"Okay okay! Spirit! Tell us your name!" Amane said.

The piece on the board moved, "A C-"

"AC?! Turn up the air! The ghost is hot!" Malik cried.

"Shut up...ACKERMAN-"

"Mikasa go home! Stop haunting us, how did you get to this dimension! Why are you a ghost! Go home to Eren!" He kicked and screamed.

Bakura grabbed him, "Cut it out! Ghosts aren't going to get you!"

Ryou shrugged, "They might." He blurted out and immediately regretted.

"AH!" Malik sobbed

"Shh! Shh! You want a dollar?" Bakura asked, rocking him like a child.

He nodded still screaming.

"Want me to go get you a dollar?"

He shook his head, "I don't want your dollar!"

"Who's dollar then?"

He pointed to Akefia.

"No."

"Akefia, give him the dollar!" Amane yelled.

He groaned, mumbling under his breath. He dug in his pocket as slowly as he could, "Here."

Malik snatched it, "Thank you. Bakura let go of me."

He gripped tighter, "No, five more minutes." He mumbled with a slight huff.

Akefia was still grumbling but stop and stared at him, "Oh hell, no you're not!" He tackle them.

"Ha! Dog pile!" Malik laughed

Ryou sighed then shrugged, jumping onto Akefia's back. Amane got on top, "Yay!"

Bakura groaned being crush to death.

"Bakura, get your phone out your pockets. It's poking me all weird." Malik said.

He opened his eyes to come face to face with Akefia. He was glaring intensely at him.

"Thanks, Kura!" The blonde laughed. They sat there like that a long time, "What next?"

000

"Go!Go! Go!" They chanted as Ryou quickly ate the bag of huge marshmallows. His stomach was a bottomless pit of nothingness.

"Wow! How's he not choking!" Amane marveled.

"The will of a hungry ass bastard is stronger than anything man could conceive." Akefia said, "Quote me on that."

She nodded, rubbing her eyes.

"Twenty marshmallows in a minute!" Malik cried.

Ryou looked bored, "Anything else?"

"Drink a gallon of milk." Bakura suggested.

"Okay." He got the carton of milk.

"Do you want a countdown?" Malik asked.

He shrugged, "Naw." He immediately started drinking.

Everyone looked clearly disgusted. In a few moments he held the carton over his head then belched.

"You disgust me more everyday." Akefia mumbled, amazed.

"That was under a minute." The blonde whispered.

"Ew." Bakura and Amane put it simply.

"Got any chips?" Ryou scratched his stomach.

"NO!"

000

"Is this going to hurt!" Ryou cried.

"No, there's cushions at the end of the stair case." Malik frowned.

Bakura rolled his eyes, "Better not damage my hard word floors."

"No one told you to have a fancy house in the suburbs." Akefia said, sitting in a clothes container preparing to slide down the steps.

"What if he dies?"

"Ryou, shut up. You'd enjoy him better as a ghost." Bakura stated.

The man suddenly beamed, "Let's do it!

"Akefia, dont wake up my darling Amane," Malik smiled, "Or I'll kill you." Ryou flinched.

He grunted in acknowledgement. He had kids of course, he'd done it before just not from so many stairs and a spiral staircase.

"Preparing for launch!" Bakura spoke in an imaginary wokky talky.

Akefia put his helmet and goggles on.

"In 3...2."

"He was so young and such a great friend!" Ryou cried.

"He was an asshole with a terrible ego." Malik mumbled.

"...1!" Bakura pushed him off the top step.

000

"Sorry Akefia." The three apologized next to the hospital bed.

"Screw you guys." He mumbled.

Malik lowered his head, "Who knew falling down spiral stairs could almost kill a guy?"

Akefia sprung up, grabbing his throat, "Ryou did!" He gasped then glared at Ryou, "You knew I could die and let them?!" He let go of Malik for Ryou's throat, "I'll kill you!"

Bakura tried to make the man lay back down, "Come on before you hurt yourself some more!"

Yami walked in, "Heeeey!" He smiled.

"Wassup!" Malik yelled on impulse then regretted when Akefia glared at him again.

"What the fuck do you want!" He snapped at their boss.

"I came for moral support. My cousin is filling out your papers now."

"How mad is he?"

Yami smirked.

The door slammed open, "Husband!"

"Hello, dearest," Akefia sunk into the bed, spiteful.

"Do you remember those things we're raising? What are they called- Oh yea, CHILDREN! AND I CAN'T RAISE THEM BY MYSELF!"

"I know, listen-"

"LISTEN?" Atem stomped towards the bed. Bakura, Malik and Ryou jumped out of the way. He grabbed the collar of his gown, "NO, AKEFIA QUERSHI YOU LISTEN, YOU BASTARD! IMAGINE GETTING A PHONE CALL FROM THE HOSPITAL AT MIDNIGHT SAYING YOUR HUSBAND WAS BEING A DUMBASS AND HAS MULTIPLE CASTS!"

"Atem-"

"SHUT UP AKEFIA! I'M TALKING! AND YOU HAD TO WAKE OUR KIDS AND GET THEM UP! AMMON BIT ME!"

He was a bad motherfucker.

"NUBIA WOULDN'T STOP CRYING!"

His little girl?

"AND CAI- well Cai has always been quiet."

Akefia sighed, "I'm sor-so-sorry."

Ryou almost fainted, falling on Malik for support.

"You better be. KIDS!"

Three kids in their pajamas ran into the room.

"Daddy is dying!" The little girl sobbed. She had a slight tan, black hair and Hazel eyes. She was their adopted child.

"No I'm not sweetheart." He said, pulling her on the bed.

"Yes you are!"

He sighed in amusement, "No, daddy is alive and healthy."

"You're dead!" She sobbed on his chest. He rubbed her back with his still working hand.

Ammon looked at Malik and smirked, "Excuse me, Madame? Don't you think hospital is a bad place for your selling? A street corner would be more appropriate." He was from Akefia's old relationship so he mostly looked like his father expect for his hair which was a closer to lavender than grey.

"Screw you, Ammon. Get out my face." He said, sitting Ryou in a chair. This was all a shock to him.

"What the hell are those things on your fingers?" He scowled.

"Nails."

"They look like claws."

"Claws covered in crystal." Malik flipped his hair.

Cai hugged Atem's leg. Atem picked him up. Yami saw as Bakura quietly, leaned on the wall.

"Do you ever plan on kids?" He asked.

"Never."

Yami looked over to Malik letting Ammon touch his nails, "Malik want kids?"

The blonde glanced at him, "Huh. Oh, yea I do. Eight kids."

Everyone looked shocked. Him and kids. Eight of them?

"I actually want to run an orphanage, ya know? I like the thought of caring for a ton of kids. Especially ones who need a warm home."

"...You're actually a caring warm hearted person underneath all that loudness and attitude..." Ryou concluded.

"Isn't everyone?" He blinked.

Everyone looked away in disagreement.

"Let's get going." Bakura said. Ryou stood up and stretched.

"Get better Akefia." They said together.

Akefia growled, "Get out."

They left, walking towards the exit.

"I forgot my hat!" Ryou said.

"Go get it, we'll wait for you in the car." Malik shooed him. He jogged back to the room. He peek in the window to make sure he wasn't sleeping.

Atem said something then gave Akefia a hug. And the man who never really showed emotion, hugged him back, follow by each of their children joining in.

Ryou sniffled, teary-eyed. His mom and dad used to hug him like that. It was so warm and loving. He smiled then decided his hat wasn't worth it. He walked to the car outside.

"Where's your hat, Creampuff?" Bakura asked as he got in the car.

"Huh? Wasn't there. Must have lost it somewhere else!" He laughed.

Malik turned around and looked at him, "Aw, I liked that hat too. Here!" He took his own off his hat and put it on him, "Fits good enough." He said, fixing it a bit to make it comfortable, "It's getting chilly out. Fall is coming soon."

Ryou blinked, "Yea." He said with a slow smile.

Malik smiled back at him with a nervous grin, "Don't be creepy Ryou. And don't use my hat during any dark arts. I don't want that shit tracing back to me."

Ryou really did have good friends even if his family ignored the hell out of him. They were kind of like his family.

"Malik, stop trying to get the other people driving to sing Rihanna with you!" Bakura hit the man while trying to focus on the road. Malik was half out the car, "Bitch better have my money!"

Ryou had a beautiful, deranged family. He started to giggle.

"Shut the fuck up!" Bakura screamed at both of them.


	9. CPR with Rebecca and Organ Harvesting

"Hello everyone." Yami said in the meeting.

"Fuck you!" Akefia yelled.

"Nice to see you. And also," He opened the door, "Ms. Rebecca Hopkins."

The girl walked in, "Good morning-"

"Oh fucking hell!"

"Her again!"

"Kill it with fire!" Mai yelled, smirking. Her and Bakura high fived.

"Uh, Yami. I'm still here so should I go?" Malik asked.

Yami shook his head, "No, no. Just sit back and relax. Rebecca is giving us instructions on CPR."

"Ooo! Free kisses!" Anzu smiled.

Yami laughed, "Only if you're dying, horribly choking."

Everyone flinched at his happy tone. It was more peppy than usual and showing up in wrong topics. He hated Rebecca why was he so excited.

"It's...great to be back." Rebecca lied.

Yami nodded, "Go, go, please start." He said taking a seat next to Yugi.

"Uh ok." She smiled, pulling out her equipment.

Yugi turned to Yami, "What's going on? You're so happy."

The man bent over and whispered into his ear, "Health department got free coupons for Six Flags. We get some with the lesson. Every person in the room gets one."

Yugi beamed, "Six Fla-"

Yami covered his mouth, "Shh!" He grinned, "No spoil secret."

He nodded, "Okay!"

Malik played with Ryou's hair, "How am I going to find Amane's dad? Don't say magic."

"...then I have nothing. Maybe Google."

The blonde blinked then hugged him, "Of course! I can Google him and get his contact info! Ryou you're a genius! I could kiss you!"

Bakura flipped Ryou's chair, "Oops my arms slipped."

"Damn you to hell." The young man groaned out on the floor.

"Excuse me, can everyone put their chairs in a circle so everyone can see." Rebecca announced.

'Kill it with fire!"

She scowled, "Get in the fucking circle!"

Everyone hatefully did as she said

"Okay, this is our choking dummy, Thomas."

"Shout out to Tommy!" Joey yelled.

Rebecca rolled her blue eyes, "Yami, as the boss would you like to be the assistant or rather," She gave a dreamy sigh, "Or Yugi~"

"I'll do it and look good doing it." The boss stood up and plopped down next to her.

"Okay! We're going to pretend this man is choking! Go!"

Yami blinked, "Wha?" He didn't know what to do.

Rebecca continued, "First step: Is they breathing?"

"No, Rebecca. He is not."

"Yami, use they as a pronoun. I didn't say a gender and we don't discriminate."

He marveled at her, "You said his name was Thomas!"

"A girl can be named Thomas."

"If her parents wanted her have gender issues or be bullied." (I have a boy name. And as a little girl I wanted to be a boy because my name felt wrong.)

"Just use they!" She yelled.

"Know what? Imma just use 'It'."

"That's rude."

He looked at her, "Thomas isn't real. And he has no arms or legs. Where are they?"

"That's not what we're focusing on-"

"Yet," Yami looked at his employees, "If we come across someone with no arms or legs, do we bother resuscitating them? I mean what kind of quality of life do you have there?"

"I would want to live with no legs. Handicap spaces are always free around here and no walking." Mai said.

"What about no arms?" She frowned, not liking that part, "That's basically how you exist now. What the hell do you do around here?"

"I'm the receptionist!" She cried, angrily.

"I literally get no calls!"

"I put everyone on hold."

Yami pulled his hair in frustration, "That's not how that works, Valentine! I knew I should have got it automated!"

Mai flipped her hair, "Well you have 56 people on hold now. And 124 people left messages this month. I kept track because I do my job."

"You wouldn't have to keep track if you did your job right!"

Ryou covered his mouth from laughing.

"Ryou, I think you have a serious problem. You can't control that laughter of yours. It's batshit crazy."

"I laugh when heat arguing or see violence. It stops when something hurts me."

Malik frowned, pinching his arm, "Get that checked out."

He sighed out, "Thanks, I will." He turned to come face to face with an identical man.

Bakura growled at him.

Ryou slapped him, "Overprotective cat." He huffed, getting up to sit inbetween Akefia and Malik instead.

Rebecca took the floor again, "Pump his chest at 100 beats per minute."

Yami scratched his head, "How many is that per hour?"

Joey raised an eyebrow, "Why?"

"Because I will divide then count to it."

"That's not how math works."

The man just shrugged and pumped the man's chest as fast as he could.

"No! Too fast!" Rebecca cried, "The best way to pump to 100 beats per minute is to pump to Staying Alive by the Bee Gees."

Yami nodded, "At first I was afraid, I was petrified~" He sung off key.

"No...wrong song. It's ah, ah, ah, ah, Stayin Alive, Stayin Alive."

"Oh, Ah ah ah ah staying alive, staying alive

Ah, ah ah ah ah stayin alive staying alive~"

"Well you can by the way I use my walk

I'm a woman's man, no time to talk!" Malik sung.

Tea got up and started dancing.

"Music loud and women warm

Been kicked around since I was born!" Everyone clapped to the beat.

Yami got up and joined in, "It's alright, it's ok. You may look the other way. Ra Dadoow! Ra Dadoow! Mm mm mm mm. Na na na na na na, Staying Alive, Staying Alive!" They all danced in a circle around Thomas.

"HEY!" Rebecca screamed, "You didn't fucking stay at 100 beats per minute and no one called an ambulance so you lost him."

Joey stood up, "Who knows what we do next?"

Ryou raised his hand, "Perform dark arts?"

"No."

"Stash the body beneath the floorboards." Bakura stated.

The New Yorker shook his head, "No. Rebecca?"

"No clue." She admitted. No one actually lost the dummy before!

"We have 5 minutes to perform a organ harvest." He snatched Bakura's pocket knife from it's casement on his leg and stabbed the dummy in chest. Everyone screamed.

He dug in the chest, "Give me the sweet, sweet heart."

Akefia who just got out out the hospital almost fainted, "I think I gonna be..." He turned pale.

"AKEFIA!" Ryou and Malik cried, helping him stay up.

"AHH!" Mai screamed, looking in Joey's direction. Everyone looked to see Joey with the plastic doll face as a mask. Rebecca fainted, Anzu and Yugi sobbed, and Yami stared, shakily into the camera.

"AHHHHH!"

* * *

"Why did you cut the face off the dummy?" Yami's bosses from corperate asked.

"I didn't think it was very realistic in movies but it turns out it was." Joey said with a smile.

"You do realize we're out of 35, 000 dollars."

"Listen, we're sorry about the 5,000 dollar doll."

"35,000."

"That's what I said." He was really bad with money, "But this was a learning experience. Now, Joey knows not to cut the face off a real person." He said, seriously.

The men looked at each other, frowning.


	10. Pepe Silvia and Fighting

**Hi, Hi! So the scene below when Ryou has a flashback is from Always Sunny in philadelphia. (One of my favourites bc it's humour and I'm from Philly.) You can probably find the scene on YouTube just type in Pepe Silvia.**

 **Disclaimer: I do not own Yugioh, The Office or Always Sunny in philadelphia. Though I wish I did because I'd love being tied to them.**

* * *

"Is that Teà walking home by herself?" Malik blinked as him and Bakura were getting burgers with Amane.

"Don't know. Don't care. Get in."

"GARDNER!" He screamed.

Bakura and Amane jolted back. The woman poked her head up then waved at them.

Malik motioned for her to come over. Bakura groaned.

"Hey guys!" She greeted.

"Hey Gardner!" Malik smiled, "What are you doing walking home all by yourself?"

"My car broke down. The mechanic said it'd take awhile to fix it."

"That sucks ass." He flipped his blonde hair in thought, "Hmm. Want a ride?"

"..." She glanced at Bakura, "N-no I'm fine."

Malik blinked, "Hn. Come on, I insist." He flashed her an award-winning smile.

She blushed, "O-okay!"

He opened the door for her, sending Bakura a look to be on his best behaviour. He closed the door, "Buckle Amane in."

"She can do it herself. She pretends she can't so you do it." He grumbled.

She kicked him in shin, getting in the car. Mad having her cover blown.

They got in.

000

"HAHAHA!" Anzu laughed loudly as Malik told her one of his crazy stories. They had been laughing and joking the whole time.

"Then he fucking pulled the dude off the clown and we took the parakeet and ran-"

"Looks like we're there!" Bakura said loudly, stopping the car.

Anzu blinked then smiled "Thank you very much! It was a lot of fun!"

"Yea, it was!" Malik said, "If you need a ride again, just ask."

"Okay, I might take you up on that! Thanks! Have a great night, Malik. You too, Bakura and Amane."

Bakura showed off his fangs. She shuttered at bit but kept smiling, "See you at work, guys!" She walked to her apartment building.

"Nice girl." Malik said, digging into his burger.

"I hate you so much."

"Baby, don't be like that! We have burgers in the car, your mood will make them upset."

Bakura punched him in the arm, "Stop being sweet to every pretty girl you see in your line of vision!"

"Is this about me taking in Amane?" Malik rolled his eyes.

"At least he said I'm pretty."

"Cus you are, princess. Listen, B Man," He used his Harley Quinn inspired nickname, "I was raised to always treat women with respect and like queens."

"You hate Mai."

"Her gossip pisses me off! You know she's be telling people I'm gay for years!"

Bakura rolled his eyes, "Whatever."

Malik pouted, pinching his nose, "You're like one of my closest friends, B-man. Where would I be without you!"

"Lonely."

"And broke and homeless! I need you."

Bakura felt quite satisfied with that, "Okay." He drove off.

"You're so insecure." The blonde mumbled, looking out the window.

"Huh?"

"When are we going on that fake date?"

"Need a sitter."

"I'll ask Ryou then. He seems to like kids." He pulled out his phone.

* * *

Ryou sat up in his bed, he threw the covers off the bed.

"God, Ryou." His girlfriend groaned, reaching for the covers.

"Such a light sleeper." His boyfriend mumbled.

He softly smiled, "Sorry, guys."

"Mhm."

He picked up the phone, "Hello?"

/RyRy-chan!/

"I told you no more favours after the last incident."

* * *

 _"Ryou, I need legit help in the mail room. Yami is forcing me to work in there for using the work computer to send porn."_

 _"What kind of porn?"_

 _"The type with bad acting. You see, Bakura and I like to comment on the acting and role playing in porn for shit and giggles."_

 _"Wow. You two watch porn together?"_

 _"After a few glasses of wine on a Friday night: yes."_

 _Ryou blinked, "Is it gay porn?"_

 _"Sometimes. Whatever pops up really."_

 _"Are you sure you're not gay?"_

 _"No, I'm not."_

 _"You're definitely not straight. What are you-"_

 _"The mail room! Mail room!"_

 _"Fine! Geez!"_

 _They worked in the mail room for a week. Ryou would pop in for an hour and organize and deliver. Yet it was so much mail, they fell behind quickly. And those days became ones of insanity and sleep deprivation._

 _"Malik, I swear everyone's going insane over the mail! These are backed up over weeks and now they're blaming us for this mess that already happened!"_

 _"I don't want to talk about it," He lit a cigarette, "Grab a cup of coffee and chill."_

 _"No! The mail is going to drive me crazy!"_

 _"You wanna talk about the mail Ryou! Let's talk about the fucking mail!"_

 _The blonde stomped over to the wall with letters and mail pinned to them. Ryou gasped. What did he do to the mail! He jabbed his finger on the name, " Pepe Silvia, this name keeps coming up over and over again. Every day Pepe's mail is getting sent back to me. Pepe Silvia! Pepe Silvia! I look in the mail, and this whole box is Pepe Silvia! So I say to myself, "I gotta find this guy! I gotta go up to his office and put his mail in the guy's goddamn hands! Otherwise, he's never going to get it and he's going to keep coming back down here." So I go up to Pepe's office and what do I find out, Ryou!"_

 _He looked him shakily in the eye, taking a slow drag, "What do I fucking find out?! THERE IS NO PEPE SILVIA! The man does not exist, okay? So I decide, "Oh shit, buddy, I gotta dig a little deeper." There's no Pepe Silvia? You gotta be kidding me! I got boxes full of Pepe!" He threw the box to the ground, "So I start marchin' my way down to Carol in HR and I knock on her door and I say, "Carol! Carol! I gotta talk to you about Pepe!" And when I open the door what do I find? There's not a single goddamn desk in that office! There…is…no…Carol in HR." He gripped his hair, "It's a conspiracy! HALF OF THE WORKERS HERE DON'T EXIST! IT'S A FUCKING GHOST TOWN!"_

 _Ryou stared at him, "Malik...not only do those people exist, they want they're fucking mail too! We have other departments, you're just used to the office!" He screamed, "We're in so much trouble! So much!"_

 _"Well," He put the cigarette to his lips, "They're not gonna dock our pay."_

 _"Why not?"_

 _Malik grinned, "They already have three days ago! But I sent that shit all the way to fucking Siberia!"_

 _"Gods, we can't keep this up! I have rent to pay! We're just scapegoats! We're pawns in their corrupt game!" Ryou started to hyperventilate._

 _"Ryou, will you calm the fuck down and have another cup of coffee!"_

 _He sipped the drink, "I am! I am!"_

 _"Know what," Malik turned to his side, "Barney, give this guy a cigarette. He's freaking the fuck out."_

 _"Who? Who the heck is Barney?"_

 _"Barney the detective guy right here. He gave me the tip about Pepe." He pointed to him._

 _"There is no one there, Malik..."_

 _He sighed, "Ryou, he is right-" He blinked. He wasn't there anymore, "The fuck..."_

 _"...YOU'RE FUCKING INSANE!" Ryou slapped him then gripped his collar._

* * *

It took a week and a half in a mental institution to get right.

/Oh yea...Please, I just need you to watch Amane for a few hours on Friday night. That's all. I'll even buy you-/

"Say creampuff and I'll hang up."

/I was going to say cookies but whatever./

"Snicker doodle."

/I know, Ryou. You're like my bestie, of course I know your favourite cookies./

He smiled at that, "Fine then."

/Okay, we'll talk about it tomorrow at lunch./

"Okay. Bye, bye." He said. He looked at the phone. Babysitting wasn't so bad.

* * *

"Akefia." Atem spoke.

Akefia rubbed his eyes, "Yea?" He was falling asleep.

"I want to get married."

"We are-"

"I mean like with a wedding."

The grey haired man rolled onto his back, "We can't afford something big."

"We could ask her."

"NO! NO! NO!"

"Please Akefia!" Atem cried, grabbing his shirt.

"I don't trust that witch!" He crawled away from his grip, falling on the floor.

"Akefia!"

"No!"

"We'll settle this the old fashioned way."

* * *

"We're here today in the parking lot of our establishment of work to witness the COUPLE RUMBLE!" Malik announced, "We have the Egyptian Affliction and Pipsqueak McGee in the ring! With delightful fighting commentary from Mutt Madness," Joey waved his hand, "And Creampuff Magoo." Ryou sighed at being called Creampuff, "And myself, Honeydew."

Everyone stood outside the office watching the commotion.

"Boys, I want a clean fight!"

"No, let's make it to the death!" Joey yelled.

Malik shook his head, "We all know how that ended Joey! Poor Jonathan..."

Everyone bowed their heads in shame and remembrance.

"So I want a clean fight! Since I've been told this is a serious matter, it's less rules yet I suggest no low blows! I'm looking at you Porcupine hair." Atem scowled, "Make it a good one boys!" He backed away, "Fight!"

The couple circled around each other, boxing gloves held close.

"I want that wedding." Atem growled.

Akefia glared at him, "It'll be a cold day in hell then."

"Lots of tension here today folks." Joey said.

"I don't know if they're going to fuck or fight." Ryou shook his head.

Yami had a sign made with crayon with Atem's name on it, "Throw a punch!"

Atem jabbed Akefia in the stomach, leaving his face open for a blow. They both stumbled back.

Malik put in his ear buds, not really caring if they killed each other. (He already knew he was in Akefia's will.)

"Give me a wedding you piece of shit!"

"Hell no! We can't afford it and we're practically married!"

They threw hard punches at each other. Akefia was at a bit of a disadvantage. His arm had just gotten it's cast off but his leg was still wrapped up.

"Will ya look at this folks! They seemed riled up now!" Joey yelled, excited.

Ryou smiled, "You haven't been this happy since Mai told you you didn't smell like a homeless man. This fight is really something special, right Malik?"

"Give it to me, I'm worth it! Baby, I'm worth it! Uh huh, I'm worth it. Gimme gimme, I'm worth it." He sung, shaking his hips.

Ryou nodded, "Yes you are. And if I had a dollar bill, it'd be in your pants. Back to the fight."

Atem uppercut Akefia, making him stumble. Akefia growled, punching him in the face.

Daddy is going to kill Papa!"

They blinked, "Nubia?" They turned to see Bakura with their kids.

"I asked you to take them to school."

"They almost killed me to bring them here." He glared at Ammon

The little girl sobbed, "Daddy was already dead and now you're killing him again!"

Atem dropped his boxing gloves, "Not I'm not, sweetheart."

"Yes you are! Daddy is dead!" She cried. Akefia sighed and picked her up.

"I'm not dead!"

"Yes you are! You're a zombie!"

He patted her back, "You're a crybaby."

"No I'm not!" She bawled her eyes out.

"You're my crybaby though."

"And you're dead, daddy." She said, snippy.

He frowned, "Smartass."

Ammon rolled his eyes, "Damn brat." He grumbled, "Mal!" He walked over to the blonde, "Huh so you can dance without a pole."

"Fuck you Ammon! Shut up and dance with me."

"...fine."

They held hands slow dancing.

"Aw!" Ryou watched, taking a picture.

Akefia looked at Cai running to Atem, hugging him. He sighed, putting an arm around his lover, "I'll ask her."

Atem blinked and smiled, "Thanks."

* * *

"So you see Ishizu-"

"Where's my brother?" She said, seriously. She only meant business. She had her silky black hair pent up in a bun. Her tan business suit pressed.

Akefia sighed and picked up a tied up Malik on her desk. He squirmed and glared at Akefia. He looked away, guiltily.

"Thank you." She pulled him behind her onto the floor and rolled him under her desk, "So, you need money?" She kicked her feet up on the desk, not forgetting to cross her legs like a lady, "Why should I lend you this?"

"Well, we want to get married. You'll get your money back of course."

She tapped his fingers on the table, "I got one better. I plan your wedding and I don't add interest to the money you owe me."

Akefia blinked, "You? Plan our wedding?" He rolled his eyes.

"I'm a classy woman. As you can see. I'll plan it."

"Hell n-"

"Alright." Atem said.

"What?"

"She is a wedding planner, Akefia. And a famous one at that." She seemed more like a mobster.

He slouched in his seat, "Fine."

"Good." Ishizu cracked her neck, "Now get the fuck out of my office. I have real paying clients, you know."

Akefia heard Malik's muffled yelling. Maybe if he'd visit her more, this wouldn't happen. Someone shouldn't have to kidnap you to get you to see your family. The blonde glared daggers at him, knowing what he was thinking. He knew Malik was going to be mad. Oh well, what's done is done. It's in the past now. He left.

And Malik was planning the perfect way to get back at him.

* * *

 **Hope you liked this chapter! It was fun to write! Don't forget to review and follow! And check out some other stories I did but I assure you they are definitely not as funny as this.**

 **Bye-bye, see ya next time!**


	11. Many meetings and Anzu taking contol

**Hi, hi! I realized it sounded like this was over with the way I ended it. It's not over I just decided to talk a bit more. XD**

 **Thanks to everyone who reviewed and enjoy reading this crazy story!**

 **Warning: sexual language and as usual foul language**

 **Disclaimer: I do not own Yugioh or any of the characters of Yugioh.**

* * *

They were sitting in the break room. Mai looked at Joey he seemed a bit down. Maybe she was ignoring him too much, "What's wrong, Jo?"

Joey sighed, "Bakura's been giving me weird looks all day! I'm flattered but I can't say I like it at all." He said, lowly.

Bakura stopped walking then rolled his eyes, "There's a pimple the size of Texas on your face. It's pissing me off rather than turning me on."

Mai handed him her compact mirror.

"Holy cow! How the hell did that get there!"

"Poor skin care." Malik stated, drinking his coffee, "Want concealer?" He dug in his bag. The New Yorker nodded. He took the makeup and smeared it over his face.

"Pfft!" Mai put a hand over her mouth. Malik stared at him shocked and disgusted.

Joey blinked, "What?" He looked in the mirror, "AH! I'M BLACK!"

Malik immediately wiped his face with the scarf around Mai's neck, "You're not making me go to jail for kicking your ass for black face!"

"I didn't mean it!"

"I know, why do you think I'm not killing you!" He wiped it all off, "There."

Mai scowled, "Now how the fuck am I getting this out my scarf."

"You should have burned that ugly thing the moment you saw it."

She glared at him, "Brucia all'inferno."

Malik looked him her, "Cazzo si cagna!"

Mai gasped.

"So you thought I couldn't speak Italian, bitch? Guess what, if you know Spanish, Italian takes two days to learn tops."

"Why the hell do you know-"

"Just in case a bitch wanna talk shit, plus my high school girlfriend was Italian and her family hardly knew English. Or just refused to speak. A very stubborn household, they were."

She frowned, "Well, that's a bit surprising."

"I'm a very well rounded person. So fuck your perception of me."

"Fine, I apologize for offending you."

Malik huffed, "Damn right."

"Aren't you going to apologize to me too?"

"Hell no." Malik stood up and left.

Mai's eye twitched.

"Don't worry 'bout it Mai!" Joey grinned, "He has to warm up to you."

"It's been six years. Six years! He's going to like me, one way or another! He'll even want to be best friends after I get started.

"Mai, ya can't force someone to like ya."

"I can and will." She flipped her gorgeous blonde hair.

"I already like ya."

"You never disliked me so you don't count."

His friendship didn't count?

"I got calls to put on hold. See you Jo. Put that coffee cup in the trash for me? Thanks hun." She left.

He looked at the cup and frowned at a bit. That hurt a bit.

* * *

"Good morning." Yugi said to the room.

"Good morning, Yugi!" Everyone smiled.

"Okay, good morning everyone!" Yami greeted.

"Fuck you!" Akefia yelled. The room went back to it's natural moody atmosphere.

The man shook his head, "Listen Akefia, I know you like the men in our family a lot but you have to stay loyal. I know I'm probably the sexiest but please I'm your boss."

Mai rolled her eyes, "And what a great boss you are."

"Thanks! Today we are talking about sexual harassment in the office and how to avoid it."

"Alright, which one of you bastards finally squeezed Mai's boobs." Bakura rolled his eyes.

"No one, I filed a sexual harassment complaint against Yami." Yugi stated.

"Oh." Everyone nodded, knowingly.

Yami clapped his hands together, "So we're going to watch a video. It's a bit older so be prepared." He turned on the projector.

The first minute was very serious scenarios but after that.

"HAHAHAHA!" Malik cackled, "D-did just ask him if he had a fat c*ck!" He was on the floor wheezing. Though he wasn't as bad as Ryou who had to be excused.

"Malik, this is serious." Yami said, trying to hold his amusement down.

"Who goes into a room saying 'It smells like fresh v*gina in here'?"

Anzu covered her mouth, giggling, "Why show us such an old tape?"

"Last minute." Yami mumbled.

Mai smirked, "Hey Yugi. Did he ask for a power fuck too."

"Shut up, Mai." He groaned, head in his hands. He knew he should have checked the tape first. Yami was so incompetent at his job.

"Guys, there's still more to the lesson."

Malik panted, "Oh please do continue!" He cried, holding his stomach.

Akefia groaned, "Why are we all doing training! Yami did it."

Everyone nodded in agreement.

"We're a team, Akefia!" Yami yelled.

"Like hell! We didn't stick our fingers up Yugi's butt! You did! I'm leaving." He said, standing.

"Meetings are mandatory."

"Malik skips them all the time!"

Yami looked him in the eye, "You know Malik. He's a special exception. You know how he gets around strangers. When you start taking as many psychotics as he does, get back to me!"

"I'm a fucking liability!" Malik exclaimed. Bakura nodded in agreement.

Akefia growled, sitting down.

"Now, what is a safe touch children?"

Anzu raised, "A comfortable, appropriate touch. Like a high five or pat on the shoulder."

"Correct Annie!"

"Uh, Anzu."

"Yea, sure, Ashley. Always aim for safe touches! Bakura that's not a safe touch."

He blinked, "Huh?"

"Your arm is around the back of Malik's chair."

"I always sit like this."

"He just likes to stretch his arms out." Malik stated.

"It's possessive."

The blonde blinked, "It is?"

"No it isn't, I just like stretching."

"He's trying to own you."

Malik furrowed his brows, "Own me?"

"Yami, stop fucking with his head." Akefia warned.

"He wants to control you."

"C-control me?" He whispered. Then suddenly grabbed Bakura's throat.

Yami looked into the camera. Not planning on murder.

"You idiot!" Akefia yelled at Yami, "Malik get off him!" He grabbed him, ripping him off Bakura.

"I'm free! I'm a free man!"

"Free as a bird! Kacaw!"

"Free as bird." He repeated. Bakura stood up, rubbing his neck. Malik jumped and clung to him like a child.

"Yami, we're leaving. You asshole." He said, carrying him out the room.

Akefia looked at the seat, "Oh Bakura left his bag." He grabbed it, leaving.

"We already lost four people." Yugi sighed.

"We'll be fine without em!" Yami said, "Now I'm going to play the sounds of whales mating. Whenever you think of sexually harassing someone think of this." He played it.

"...What the fuck?" Mai looked disgusted. It sounded like humans.

Anzu started to cry, "It sounds like rape."

"Yami, is this porn!" Joey yelled.

Yami looked at the soundtrack, "Yup. Of the rough variety. My bad."

"You asshole!"

Yugi clenched his fists, "Why do you have that! Who is that!"

"I don't know who it is. I let my neighbour use my phone. Now I know why he needed it. Huh." He said, indifferently.

"TURN IT OFF!"

"The screen is malfunctioning. Can't turn it off."

Yugi looked around then ripped the speakers out, "Meeting over!"

Everyone ran out. Yugi glared at Yami, "What did I do?"

"More what didn't you do: grow up! Geez Yami, one of these days corporate is going-"

"Fuck corporate! I'll take the higher ups on one day."

* * *

Yugi sighed in the camera, "Yami doesn't understand that he IS A FUCKING HIGHER UP! HE'S FUCKING UPPER LEVEL MANAGEMENT!"

* * *

Malik and Bakura grinned from his motorcycle, "Great plan Kefi!"

"Yup," He reved his bike.

They looked over to Ryou, sadly.

"What the fuck is that?" Malik asked.

"A vespa!" Ryou cried.

"Whaaa?"

"Ryou how they fuck are we supposed to be a biker gang with you on a vespa!" Akefia sighed.

"Vespas are cool!"

Malik scowled, "For an attractive Italian man with his pants too tight in Milan! But not a skinny pale ass British - American who quite frankly at the moment, looks gayer than Elton John at Pride and Bakura had a baby."

The man glared at him, "I do not look that gay!"

"Why am I the gayest person on the planet to you?"

"Firstly, Ryou stopped fucking lying to yourself and me! Secondly, Bakura. You're definitely not the gayest. I've seen Maximilian Pegasus."

Bakura shook his head, "No, I think he's straight."

"Like hell."

"Yea, he had a wife. Lemme Google it-"

Ryou groaned, "Can we ride already!"

"Fine." Malik grumbled. They rode off onto the horizon.

Later Akefia fell over because his foot was still broken. And had to ride on the back of Ryou's vespa, which earned a lot a whistles from passerbyers.

"Are you related to Elton John!" Some guy yelled.

"Go fuck yourself! Malik stop laughing!" Ryou screamed.

* * *

~the next day~

"The economy sucks ass." Joey said.

"I know right! But that's not the point of this meeting! Today we have a serious topic, Ageism in the office."

"The fuck is that?" Malik asked.

"Well, it's the prejudice and discrimination of someone because of their age." Yugi stated.

"...Is that a real thing?"

"Yes. It's like stereotypes about generations."

"Oh. Like how 90s kids are weird as fuck?"

"Exactly. Those stereotypes."

Malik nodded.

"Why do you guys think we, as a society, hate old people so much." Yami asked.

Joey shrugged, "Because they're lame."

"No, Joseph! No they are not. In fact, many cultures revere old people! Because of their storytelling ability like the old lady in Titanic. Or the funny things they can do like 'Where's the beef?'."

"You do realize you still have the Madonna picture up from the last talk about no randomly kissing people." Bakura asked.

"Uh, yea. But she brings up a point in this too. Is it wrong for Madonna to go around kissing people just because she's 56."

"You're not supposed to kiss anyone randomly. That's how you get...the herp." Ryou whispered the last part.

Yami shuddered, "Exactly, good point Ryou. Yet focus on age."

"She's 56 and that's a little off putting. She could be someone's grandma."

Malik turned pale and covered his mouth.

"What's wrong?" Everyone turned to him.

"I...I just imagined Akefia's grandma in lingerie." He gaged.

Akefia scowled, "Why my grandmother!"

"Because she's like my grandma too!" He sobbed.

Joey screamed, "I'm starting to think about my gran-gran too! Make it stop!"

"Ahh! Grandma Helen!" Anzu cried.

Everyone screamed and shouted as images of their grandmothers popped into their heads.

Yugi frowned, "GUYS! CALM DOWN! Your grannies are still perfect cinnamon rolls too pure for this world."

"R-really?" Mai asked, lip trembling.

"Of course."

The screaming stopped and the room went quiet.

"What was the topic again?" Yami asked.

"Uhhh. Ageism." He flipped through his notes.

The man scratched his head, "Hm...oh yea! We have a special guest to show us how awesome old people can be!" He went to the door, "Meet Solomon Muto!"

Yugi blinked, "What?"

The old man walked in, "Where am I?"

"And I know you guys are wondering why this old fart is here. He's the co-founder of ShadóRealm Inc."

"Wow!" Everyone voiced their curiosity.

Yugi looked concerned, "Yami, what is he doing here?" His grandfather was a bit...delusional now.

"I said that already Yug! He's going to show us how awesome old people are! Ready, Grandpa?"

He put on his helmet, "Totally dude. Let's get jiggy with it."

Yami threw the skateboard down.

"See ya later, losers." He slowly inched onto the skateboard. He took nearly an eternity. Yami helped him onto it after forever. He just stood on the board.

"Uh...you have to push yourself off..." Yami said. The man just stood still.

"Where am I again?"

"..." Their boss gave him a nudge with his foot and he rolled out the room, "Whoa! So cool! Thanks grandpa!" He closed the door, "See everyone! Ageism is a lie, old and young can get along fine-"

A crashing noise came from outside and loud raspy groaning. Yugi looked like he was going to cry, "Grandpa!" He ran out into the workplace. His grandpa was on the floor. He apparently crashed into someone's desk. Everyone was stared at them from out the conference room window. Yami slowly walked to him.

"YOU BASTARD!"

Yami blinked and looked in a circle for who he was yelling at.

"Yea, you Yami!" Malik yelled.

"Oh. Yugi, I didn't mean for this-"

"BURN IN HELL!"

"Whoa. Calm down a bit-"

"I HATE YOU AND WILL ALWAYS HATE YOU! YOU EGOTISTICAL, ARROGANT ASSHOLE!"

Mai was recording the whole thing, "Hit the nail right on the head."

"Yugi-" He reached for the man.

Yugi slapped his hand away and kicked him where the sun doesn't shine, "Stay the hell away from me." He stomped off to go call an ambulance.

* * *

"I think he's sulking in the bathroom." Joey came back into the conference room.

"I have to pee!" Ryou groaned, glancing at Mai's waterbottle. She glared at him, "No."

Akefia lied on the floor, stretching out.

Malik poked him with his foot, "How's wedding planning?" He said in a sing song manner.

"I'm got bills coming out of my ass."

"Ooo, sounds exciting!"

"Malik, I'm going to have a psychotic episode."

He frowned, "I hate going to the therapist with you, you always snap at me Akefia-"

"I only have a discount for couples therapy so stop being a little bitch and do it!"

"See! You always do that!"

"Shut the fuck up and get me help!"

The blonde crossed his arms, "You are just stressed and nervous about the wedding."

"It's the debt not the wedding! You don't listen at all!"

"Fine! Fine!" Malik yelled, rubbing his temples, "I'll do it."

Ryou gripped himself, "Someone pull him out of there! Or we're going to have a hell of a mess!"

"You're a grown man, don't pee yourself!" Bakura groaned.

The young man gripped his collar, "I drank a whole gallon of mountain dew on my way to work today just to keep myself up! All that sugar and shit is making my bladder burn like holy hell! Oh it's coming out, one way or another!" He screamed.

Joey knocked on the bathroom door, "Yami? Buddy?

"Go away."

"Bud ya gotta come out."

"Why should I?"

"Uh, Ryou has to pee really bad. And with the amount of mountain dew it was, I don't think you want to be in there."

The door cracked and keys flew out, "Use my bathroom in my office. The entrance looks like a locker but inside is a spacious bathroom."

Mai growled, "You have a private bathroom and I'm peeing on these toilets with idiots who can't aim!"

"I resent that!" Joey said, "Us idiots aim just fine. I have never seen pee on the toilet."

"I think it's that delivery guy who came in the morning. He smells funny." Anzu frowned.

"Oh gods, don't remind me!" Malik shuddered.

Joey shook his head, "Yami, listen. It ain't that bad, man! I know Yugi, he don't hate ya!"

"Yes he does."

"Aw, Yami no he don't! Just give em time!"

"He wants me dead."

Akefia rolled his eyes, "Who doesn't." He kicked the door in, "Alright asshole, get up."

"No. Go away." He leaned against the sink counter.

Anzu blinked then walked towards, "Yami."

"Go away!"

Her brow furrowed. She turned around to walk away but she didn't move. She glanced back at him in his pathetic state. She had to do something about it. She turned back to him, walking up to again.

"Go-"

She grabbed his collar, roughly. She pinned him into the wall, "Stop being a bitch."

Everyone gasped.

"What are-"

She slapped him, "Shut up! Yugi is a dear friend of mine! And you hurt him but you have the audacity to cry about it! Guess what, you fucked up! Like always, you fucking idiot!" She glared at him, "Now fix it. Be a fucking man and not a coward." She let him go, dropping him to the ground.

He stared at her, "You're...right." He mumbled, "Thank you."

She showed no emotion, "Want him back? Prove it."

Yami stood up. He nodded in her direction, leaving.

"Anzu?" Mai asked.

Malik pushed Mai into the wall, going to Anzu. He grabbed her hand. She looked defeated. Looks like she finally got over her hope for a relationship with Yami. She'd finally given him up after so many years and it hurt.

Bakura frowned, "Gardner." He sighed.

She took her hand from Malik's, "I know the drill."

"No, actually. I'm asking do you want some ice cream."

"What?" She lifted her head.

"This new ice joint opened on Main St. My treat."

Anzu stared at him wide eyed and so did everyone else, "I...I'd love to."

"Good. Everyone grab your coat, we're getting ice cream."

The young woman smiled, "Thank you." She was happy to be surrounded by such kindhearted (yet quite frankly insane) people.

...

That work day ended on a very bitter sweet note.

...And Ryou was left in the office overnight.

* * *

 ***gasp* Bakura being nice for once?! How out of character!**

 **XD sorry if this story is really OOC**

 **And that sexual harassment clip exists. It's from the 80's and is horrible. Everything was awful. I found it on YouTube while searching for real examples and found that monstrosity. It was probably supposed to be serious but with the bad acting and awful examples.**

 **Sexual harassment actually not a joke though.**

 **Remember, if there's any episodes or scenes from the office you think will fit, don't afraid to say em! And don't forget to review, follow and fave**


	12. Date Night and Mafia Families

**Warnings: Thiefshipping! And lots of Rihanna songs!**

* * *

"Gods, B-man, that was embarrassing." Malik frowned, brushing his teeth, coming downstairs.

Bakura shrugged, "Everyone knows Yugi loves his grandpa even though he's a bit delusional." He said, flipping through the channels.

"Shameful. And it happened in front of everyone. We at least argue in private."

"I know right. We're classy."

"Damn right! Your turn for the shower."

Bakura stood up to go upstairs. He stop when he saw Malik with a towel, "Do you think God is an artist?"

"Huh? You know I'm pagan."

"Oh yea." He mumbled, distracted.

"Yet I suppose the gods do make beautiful creations."

He nodded, staring at him, "For sure."

"What's wrong?" He cracked his back.

"Nothing. Nothing."

Malik raised an eyebrow, "Then go take a shower. You're going to make us late!" He walked into the kitchen.

Bakura sighed, walking upwards.

"You looked up where he was right?" The blonde yelled.

"Yeah. Some fancy restaurant."

"Ok"

* * *

"You were rushing me! Malik, come on!"

"Fine, Bakura, geez! If I look awful, it's your fault!"

He groaned. He turned as he finally heard footsteps from the staircase. "Thank god-" He stopped mid sentence. Malik was wearing a formal black suit. His hair brush back in a ponytail. He was wearing diamond studs instead of his gold ones.

"How do I look?"

"Sexy." He stated in awe. Malik had a thing against formality. He hated business like attire. Said he felt suffocated in it and he wanted to be buried in his teddy bear hoodie and sweatpants.

"You look dashing yourself. Making me feel like the whore of a mob boss." He grabbed his sunglasses and placed Bakura's fedora on his head, "Lets go break some hearts!" He walked out the door.

Bakura locked up.

"B-man! Let's take the Audi A5!"

"Why?"

"Because it's hot. And we're making your ex jealous."

"Oh, guess so then."

Malik frowned, "You're not pumped like I am." He looked over his best friend, "Here." He unbuttoned his top buttons.

"Malik, what are you-"

"Shush. I'm making magic." He loosened his tie some. Then started to shake hair.

"What the hell are you-"

"It's the I just had amazing sex look. And he smirked digging in his messanger, "Christmas came early B-man!"

"You like calling me B-man."

"You're close to Batman. Dark, brooding. Not rich enough though, we'll work on it. Looky looky, kitten!" He pulled a trench coat out his bag. Bakura took it from him with wide eyes, "It's Croc, hun! I hate animal skin but you love it. Plus I don't think Crocodiles are going extinct."

The white haired man stared at the coat, "How much did this cost?"

"Oh it was nothing. That's why I borrowed the money from you! I bought my sister a dress as a bribe and she said she'd buy the coat for me." He dug in his pocket, "Here's your money too." He handed it to him.

"Wow...I really don't know what to say."

"I'll take that as a thank you and a let's go. I'm blasting Nicki Minaj in the car though!

* * *

"So...got any juice..." Amane looked around.

"Yea, I'll go get you one. Make yourself at home." He left for the kitchen.

"So Ryou what do you do for fun?"

"Uh..." Channeling the dark arts wasn't really family oriented, "I sing at the opera."

"Really?"

"Yup."

She nodded, "That's pretty cool."

"I really like it, it's something different." He came back with her juice.

She took the cup, "Thanks." She looked at the mantle, "Who are those people?"

"Huh?" He looked at the picture, "Oh those are my...uh roommates."

"Oh ok. They look nice."

"That was Christmas so we were excited to open gifts. Though only Miho celebrates Christmas as a religious thing. Kek and I just go along with it as a general holiday.

"What are you and him?"

He sat down, "Well I'm Wiccan and he is Pantheistic."

"Cool, cool." She had no idea what the hell those were but they sounded interesting.

"Do you want to go through the photo album? I have pictures of Malik when he younger."

"Sure!"

He smiled, "We all made it last year. And decorated it really nice." He went through the books underneath the coffee table. He pulled out a book drenched in glitter.

"Uh...who put the glitter?'

"Akefia knocked the bottle over while Malik was adding glue for a piece of wallpaper. It was supposed to be sophisticated at first but..."

She smiled, "I get it."

He opened it, "Here's Akefia and Malik in Preschool." The two boys were playing in the park covered in dirt. Akefia looked happy for once, Malik was crying, "They were playing and Akefia pushed him into the lake while rough housing. Malik dragged him down too. Malik wouldn't stop crying until Akefia found a frog that they took home."

"They'll always be like that huh?"

"Like what?"

"They like messing with each other but they care."

Ryou smiled, "Teasing is sometimes an expression of love." He turned the page, "Here's them lying on the couch with their legs open, watching tv."

Amane laughed.

* * *

"Theme music?" Malik asked.

"Something Rihanna." Bakura stated.

"Got it." He went through their downloads.

They got out the car.

 _Feel it coming in the air_

 _Hear the screams from every where_

Bakura threw the keys towards the vallet. Everyone stared at them. Malik put his sunglasses onto his head. He wrapped his arm around Bakura's. They strode towards the door.

 _I'm addicted to the thrill_

 _It's a dangerous love affair_

A man quickly opened the door for them, awe struck. They entered the restaurant with a loud slam of the door. Everyone's heads turned to them. Malik gave the crowd a dangerous yet entrancing look.

 _Can't be scared when it goes down_

 _Got a problem? Tell me now_

A waiter quickly escorted them, not even asking for reservations. They walked up a set of mahogany stairs.

 _The only thing that's on my mind_

 _Is who gonna run this town tonight?_

 _Who gonna run this town tonight?_

Making their way to the table dead at the center of attention, sitting beneath the grand chandelier.

 _We gonna run this town_

Malik and Bakura sat down, glancing at Bakura's ex, who was shocked to say the least. They smirked, waving at him. They looked at each other then laughed.

* * *

"This is when Bakura joined the gang." He pointed to the picture of Akefia, Malik and Bakura sitting on a stoop. Bakura looked quite different. His pants hung low on his waist, wearing a wife beater and a backwards cap. Malik was wearing a sleeveless jersey and oversized pants too, smoking. Akefia just wore a white tee and jeans.

"They look..." She looked for the word.

"Rough? Yea, not the best childhood. They're good people now but they were really bad back then back you can't be held accountable now."

"I guess so."

"How sad, children can't help the circumstances they're born in. So they go with the flow." He flipped the page to Akefia, Malik and Bakura were sitting on the couch legs open like the one before.

Amane smiled.

* * *

"Hey, Bakura. Is that you? It's been a while, how are you?" His ex and his date stood at their table.

"Just fine. Great actually. Why don't you meet my partner? Malik."

Malik shook his hand.

"Pleasure to meet you."

The blonde smirked, confident, "Charmed I'm sure. Why don't you both sit with us?"

Bakura chuckled, "Sounds good, we'll catch up on old times."

They nodded, pulling up their chairs.

"Waiter, your finest bottle of Champagne." He pulled the waiter to his level, "And it to our colleagues tab."

* * *

"Ishizu, I hate birds. No doves." Akefia growled.

"I hate you but I'm not kicking you out the wedding am I."

"I'm the groom."

"And?" She rolled her eyes, "I'm thinking a Winter Wonderland."

"I hate the cold."

"What about spring?"

"Bakura has allergies."

"It's not Bakura's wedding! Are you talking about that pale ass bastard you and Malik used to hang with?"

"Yea."

The woman went through the decor ideas, "How is he? You guys were close."

"Fine. Malik didn't tell you anything?"

"He doesn't call unless he wants something. Ungrateful brat."

Akefia grunted, "He's living with him."

"Huh? For how long?"

"Six years or so."

"Six years!"

He nodded, "Yea, they're on good terms. Argue a bit."

She frowned, "Where is Malik anyway?"

"On a date."

Ishizu groaned, "Another bitch! I always warn him about dating!"

"Calm down it's just Bakura."

The raven haired woman looked at him, "My brother is on a date with whom?"

"Bakura. His roommate. We just talked about him-"

She scowled, "My brother isn't gay."

Akefia laughed extremely hard.

"I'm serious. He's always been a bit androgynous, I admit. But he hasn't dated a guy in his life."

"Like you'd know. You don't even know where he lives. Let alone his love life."

She growled at that, picking up her telephone on her desk, "Lenny. I need you to go retrieve my brother. Take everyone."

/Boss, what do you mean everyone?/

She inhaled, "EVERYONE!" She screamed into the phone. She hung up, panting.

Akefia stared at her.

"Now about the doves. I think they add an elegant touch-"

"What the hell was that..."

"Don't ask questions."

He stood up, "I...I have to go."

"You're going to warn my brother!"

"Uhhh...I no speak da English!"

She shoot up from her desk, "Akefia!"

"Nooo. My name is...Tom." He blurted out the first name that came to mind then ran

* * *

"Yahtzee!" Malik exclaimed as he opened the bottle of champagne with a knife.

The crowd around him and Bakura clapped.

Bakura put his arm around his shoulders, "Malik, we're really pulling this shit off."

"I know Bakura. I'm the most interesting date anyone could have. I speak four languages, studied European and ancient Egyptian history, not to mention drop dead gorgeous. I should start selling my expertise."

"You better not."

"I won't. I'll only whore myself out on occasion."

"Only to me." Bakura put on a smile as they poured everyone a glass.

"No promises, hun." He pecked his pale cheek. He lifted his glass, "Cheers to us!" He laughed.

Bakura noticed a couple of guys enter in all black, "Where's the funneral, boys?"

They looked at him then Malik.

"Ishtar."

The blonde looked up, confused. He stared at them.

"Malik? You know these guys?"

He glanced at Bakura then ran away.

"Malik!" He ran after him.

One of the men pulled out a gun and shot the ceiling, "Hold it!"

"Fuck that!" Malik yelled, "I'm telling my sister if you shoot me!"

The men chased after him and Bakura.

"Malik, who are they!"

"My sister's goons! She's very prelevent in dealings with the mafia."

"What?"

They ran out the back door, going into the alleyway.

"I never told you because I knew you'd freak out! I thought you wouldn't be my friend anymore!"

"Malik, that is the least of my concerns! We could be shot!"

They looked around the street for a taxi or something to get them away. A black van drove in front of them. Two men got out the car, "Malik, ya know Boss Lady wants cha. Jus get in the damn van."

"Lenny, kiss my ass." The blonde growled, backing away.

"Give it up then."

Bakura glared at him, pulling Malik closer to him, "Malik." He whispered.

"What?"

"Run to your right."

Sensing he had a plan, he nodded. Bakura dug in his pocket. His fingers latched onto the cold wooden handle of his pocket knife. He quickly pulled it out threw it upwards into the street light, making the street go black.

"Fuck dammit, Malik!" Then man yelled.

Malik and Bakura ran as far as they could run to light. They ran into the nearest shop to hide.

"Malik? Bakura?"

They turned around, "Akefia?"

"I was just coming to warn you guys. Ishizu sent her cronies after you two." He said, eating a donut.

"And you stopped for a tasty treat?" Bakura asked.

He shrugged, "I was pretty low on energy."

"Why does she want me?"

"I dunno. She got mad after I told her you were on a date with Tony Montana over here." He joked looking at Bakura's outfit, "Were you on a date or reenacting the Godfather!" He laughed.

The white haired man glared at him along with Malik, "You do realize, you can't make Scarface references without backlash. You do have a scar. On your face."

Akefia growled, "And you know I'm sensitive about it."

"Yea, I tried to put it lightly."

Malik interupted, "Why does she care?"

The dark skinned man shrugged. The blonde sighed, "Alright. Let's go tell Ryou to keep Amane. His phone stopped working awhile ago."

They nodded. Akefia led them to his minivan.

"Soccer mom." Bakura blurted out.

Malik laughed extremely hard at that. Akefia glared at them

"My kids play football."

"That's the same as soccer."

"North American Football. Really Malik, you take one class of Spanish and-"

A motorcycle pulled up next to them. The driver stared at them.

"Take a picture, Buddy. It'll last longer " Akefia growled.

The man just stared at him then moved his gaze to Malik.

"My picture cost money."

They heard a chuckle from the helmet, "Why would I pay?" He grabbed his helmet, "When I could look in the mirror?" He pulled the helmet off. Blonde hair, lavender eyes, dark skin. Huh, familiar.

"Malik, am I seeing double?" Bakura marveled at the two men.

"Oh lord, we've made it into Bakura's subconscious! I gotta get outta here before the threesome starts! Why am I here in the first place...unless..." He glared at Bakura, "I'm married, you pervert."

The man scowled, "Let me ensure you no good dream I've had involves you at all."

"Good...wait-"

"Kek." Malik frowned.

"Brother." He ran a hand through his hair, making it stand up, spiky.

"How qaint, seeing you after so many years."

"I'm not thrilled either. Let's go. Boss lady wants you."

Malik shrugged, "So?"

"Get on the bike."

"No, I'm busy. Fuck off. If I get that close the you, I'll kill you."

Kek laughed, "Same here but let's get over our differences for-"

"Fuck. Off. Ass Muncher."

The brothers glared at each other. Why would they hate each other so much?

Kek pulled out a gun slowly. Malik smirked, "Really? Ok. Do it!"

"Malik," Akefia warned, holding his hands up from instinct.

"No! Do it. Do it, baby brother! Shot me. Right between the eyes." He pointed between his temples, "I dare you." Kek definitely moved his finger onto the trigger then.

Akefia looked to Bakura to stop him but the white haired bastard was nowhere to be found.

"C'mon. Do it. I fucking dare you because you're nothing but a bitch wit too much bite." He step closer, "And honestly," He leaned in slowly, "You don't have the balls." He smirked, whispering.

A dangerous look flashed through his brother's eyes. He angrily raised the gun to his head not not the pull the trigger.

Bakura jolted the minivan into the motorbike, making Kek fall off. Malik smirked, "B-man saves the day!" He swooped down and grabbed the gun, "My hero!"

"Get in the fucking car." Bakura growled.

Him and Akefia quickly got in the car.

"We shouldn't go to Ryou's house with all these goons chasing us. He'd pee himself." Akefia stated.

The nodded in agreement. Everyone knew Ryou had a weak bladder.

"Let's go to the Boss herself."

* * *

"Why is he not picking up?" Was he hurt? Was he busy?

"Ryou, you okay?" Amane asked, walking into the kitchen.

He put the house phone back, "Huh? I'm just checking on my housemate. One of them is coming back though. You'll like her, she's nice."

"Okay."

"Let's finish going through the album."

They walked back to the couch. Ryou flipped through the book., "These are recent pictures when I joined the gang. He pointed to a picture clearly from Halloween. He, himself, wore a white suit with a blue dress shirt. Akefia frowned as usual wearing a brown suit and top hat. Malik was grinning holding up playing cards wearing a decorative costume. A ruffled blouse, black pants with gold vertical strips, two hearts below his eye, and a big crown. Bakura smirked in the picture, wearing a dark blue tailcoat, holding a clock.

"We were Alice in Wonderland themed. I was Alice, Akefia was the mad hatter, Malik was the Queen of hearts and Bakura was the white rabbit."

"That's so cool!"

He smiled, flipping the page. It was all four of them sitting on the couch, legs open, beer in hand. Amane laughed.

* * *

The gang walked up to the warehouse, covering in blood and ash.

"Where did you learn to drive like that?" Akefia said, wiping dirt from his face.

"Grand theft auto." Bakura spit out some blood.

"Malik, you got better at shooting."

"Fucking 360 No Scope MLG Halo 2 bitches."

"...What?"

The blonde shook his head, "Still fucked up from the crazy car fight. I shot a man."

Bakura and he smirked, "Momma, momma, momma, I just shot a man down. I never thought I do it. Never I'd do it. Oh gosh. Whatever happened to me? Whatever to me. Why did I pull the trigger? Pull the trigger. Pull da trigger. BOOM!" They sung.

Akefia stared at them, "Really?"

"I got like twenty more songs about shooting someone."

"Can we go in please?"

Bakura examined the door, "Looks locked."

Malik shot the lock and kicked open the door. Akefia shook his head, "What are you doing! She'll kill you!"

"Fuck death!" He growled, stomping into the building.

"Well, I'm hot and bothered now." Bakura stated.

Akefia frowned, "How is that a turn on!" He stomped inside too.

Malik kicked open another door, "Hey! Come out to play!" He snarled, ripping the shotgun from under the table, "Shizu! Hey! Come on out! You got me here so bring it on!" He shot the head off the statue, "You know how many motherfuckers we had to outsmart! I'm a highschool drop out and you want me to outsmart someone? You inconsiderate bitch!"

The woman herself walked down the warehouse stairs, "What are you doing? This is my bridal warehouse Malik! I bring customers here!"

"Fuck your warehouse and your customers."

Akefia growled, being a forced customer.

"Cut the crap Shizu! Why the fuck did you send your bastards after me!"

"Malik." She strolled towards him, bodyguards beside her, "Did you go on a date tonight?"

"Yea, so? Why?"

She stopped in front of him, "With a man?"

"So?"

"Are you gay?"

He blinked, "Huh? No."

"But you went out with a man?"

"Hn...got me there!" He laughed, "Why does it matter?"

"You never came out to me."

"I'm not gay."

"Malik! Just confess!"

"Confess?"

"Admit you are fucking-"

"Pansexual?"

Everyone was taken aback.

"Cus I am. Is that what you wanted?"

"What the fuck is that?" She asked.

Akefia scratched his head, "It's were you're open to all types of people for no other reason but personality."

"...Well this is news..." She said, awkwardly, "...uh congratulations on coming out the closet."

He still looked pissed the hell off, "Thanks~"

"Malik, I want to more about your life. You're my brother and I hardly know about you."

"So? I don't have to share every damn detail with you."

"We're family, Malik!"

"Don't pull that bullshit with me! Growing up you only cared about getting ahead in life and you did. Congrats on leaving everything else behind but hey? At least you're successful."

Ishizu stared at him, "I understand. Just try to keep in touch, I worry."

"Don't. I can handle myself fine."

"So...do you want a coming out party or something-"

"I want to go home, eat Chinese food on the roof of my house and drink a bottle of tequila with my Harley Quinn pajamas. Good night." He turned to the door, "Tell Lenny, I'm sorry for shooting him."

"Okay."

He walked out. The room went silent. Bakura went open the door open til Malik came running through the door, flying kicking a guarding the chest. He stood up looking Ishizu in the eye, "Next you send yo bastards after me, this will be you and we will fight."

"Keep me informed and I won't need to." She narrowed her eyes, not phased in the slightest.

He gave her a curt nod, leaving. Akefia and Bakura walked to the door.

"Pale bastard."

Bakura glanced back at Ishizu, "What?"

"Take care of my idiot brother. He has issues you know. He doesn't like talking to me at all, thinks I'm some type of threat or untrustworthy. You lived with him for awhile right?"

"Yea."

"Then he must trust you. Be proud of that at least. Keep me informed." She waved, slightly.

Akefia blinked, "Da fuck?...That bitch...that bitch actually likes you?"

"No where in that sentence-"

"She actually likes a perverted fool like you..."

"Fool?!"

The tall, dark skinned man shook his head, "Wow. It must be your lucky day, Bakura."

* * *

Bakura strummed his guitar on the roof. Malik lied down on the tiles, sipping tequila. He twirled the chopsticks he just ate with in the air.

"I think I've had enough~" He glanced at Bakura with a grin, "I might get a little drunk

"I say what's on my mind

I might do a little time," He took a swig

"Cus all of my kindness is taken for weakness

Now I'm Four Five Seconds from wildin'

And we got three more days 'til Friday

I'm just tryna make it back home by Monday, mornin'

I swear I wish somebody would tell me

Ooh thats all I want."

Bakura sighed, "Woke up an optimist, sun was shining I'm positive

Then I heard you was talkin' trash

Hold me back I'm bout' to spaz..."

They took a breath, "Now I'm Four Five Seconds from wildin'

And we got three more days 'til Friday

I'm just tryna make it back home by Monday, mornin'

I swear I wish somebody would tell me

Ooh thats all I want."

Malik flopped on his side, "And I know that you're up tonight

Thinkin' how could I be so selfish

But you called bout a thousand times wondering where I been

Now I know that your up tonight

Thinkin' how could I be so reckless

But I just can't apologize, I hope you can understaaand!"

"If I go to jail tonight, promise you'll pay my bail." Bakura nudged Malik, earning an Of course..

"See they want to buy my pride, but that just ain't up for sale

See all of my kindness, is taken for weakness..."

They laughed, "Now I'm Four Five Seconds from wildin'

And we got three more days 'til Friday

I'm just tryna make it back home by Monday, mornin'

I swear I wish somebody would tell me

Ooh thats all I want." They repeated.

"...Bakura?"

"Huh?"

"I'm drunk."

The white haired man laughed, tipsy himself, "Wow. I never knew!"

Malik smirked, "Psst! Bakura! Pssst, I got something to tell you."

"What?"

"Closer!"

He leaned over, on his elbow.

"I'm Pansexual."

"I know."

"Whoa, you're psychic."

"Duh."

"Well, I got something else to tell you! I really, really had fun tonight. It was great." He grinned.

"Really?" He asked.

The blonde nodded, "Yea, best fake date ever. So fun..." He yawned, "Thanks."

"No problem."

"Heh, you look like a mobster."

"I bought this suit for a funeral but they thought I was going to hold up the place."

Malik laughed, loudly, "I see it in my head! Oh man!" He sighed, "You're crazy."

"You love it." Bakura joked.

The blonde thought about it, "Huh...guess I do...Hey, Bakura?"

He looked over to him, "Huh-mmph!" Did Malik just...

As soon as he felt the warmth of his lips, it was ripped away. And he felt himself falling.

Not a metaphor, he accidentally fell off the roof, breaking his arm.

* * *

 **Hi, hi. Hope you enjoyed the chapter. Just started school again in late August so slower updates for everything. Sorry.**

 **I might be adding some 'Malik's Story Time: With Guests' to this because...Idk seems fun to tell stories with commentary. It's still a maybe.**


	13. Couples therapy and Pinics

**Hello. Uh, warnings for this chapter. I kinda wrote majority of it while taking pretty strong medication for my pneumonia. The drugs the doctor gave me were rather, uh, well they were pretty hallucinogenic. Made me loopy for days. Take that into account because this chapter went strange places. I mean I wasn't that out of it I couldn't write, obviously but man did it get weird. I read over it and only remember 25% of writing it. Oh well, enjoy!**

* * *

How have you two been since last time I saw you?"

"Well last time you said I was slightly Schizofrenic sooo...still going to psychotherapy." Malik flipped his hair.

Akefia glared at him to stop talking.

"He asked us both, Akefia! I was only going to say one or two things-"

"Malik, I swear you'd be of more use to me if I skinned you alive and used that skin to make a lampshade. Or a piece of high end luggage. Ha, I could even add you to my collection!"

The blonde stared at him with wide eyes along with the therapist, "...You have a collection of faces?"

"Of course not, Malik." He shook his head, "Think of the smell...YOU HAVEN'T THOUGHT OF THE SMELL YOU BITCH!"

Malik fell out of his chair, scared.

"Now Doctor. Let's get back to me."

"...I think you two need a divorce."

"Me too. Akefia, I'm leaving you."

"What?"

"I've found a new man. One who can provide for me a lot better than you."

Ryou rolled in on a scooter with sunglasses and gold chains. Malik hopped on the back of the scooter. The albino lowered his glasses down the bridge of his nose.

"Ryou-"

"It's Mr. Steal yo girl." He flipped his hair over his shoulder, rolling out the room.

"...are you two really married?"

"No. I only have a coupon for couples therapy."

"I'll do this one for free but I want that man to never step foot in here again."

"Deal."

* * *

"So, we have to compete against the Boston Branch?" Anzu asked.

"Yea. It's the picnic like every year but this year we have have to go up against them." Yugi stated.

"What happened to the Germantown branch?" Bakura asked.

"Not competing against us since someone," He glared at Yami, "Set the damn park on fire."

He shrugged, "Flare guns are to be shot in the air so excuse me for not aiming it."

"It went into a tree." Yugi said, "Here." He slid the envelope across the room.

Joey blinked "Why are you too so far apart? Still mad?"

"No, we're not upset with each other." Yami smiled.

"I wouldn't quite say that but this is court ordered. I got a restraining order against him."

"For the first month I have to wear an ankle bracelet. If I get within five feet of Yugi the police will come."

Malik frowned, "Ah. The restraining order," He mused, "Ain't worth shit when a bitch can hack the private setting to your social media and look at your pictures, sending threats. Bitches keep stalking my page!" He threw his head back in agony.

"I had to get an retraining order." Ryou smiled, "It was the priest at my Catholic school."

Everyone jerked away from him. Malik put a gentle hand on his shoulder, "Did he...touch you?"

"Huh? No, he's a priest...OOOH you thought I meant- No! He put the restraining on me! He was too cute to let slip through my fingers. Ahh...crosses aren't just for praying." He smirked.

Joey ripped the rosary beads from around neck and threw them across the room. Everyone sat disgusted.

"Well...back to the topic at hand. We need to decide who is doing what."

"Can I wave the flag before the game starts?" Malik asked.

"Can you wear the ceremonial bikini?" Yami asked, waving the two piece.

"I could but I doubt you'd want me to. Looks too small, I'd be better off naked."

The boss nodded, "True but let's keep it in your pants, sailor. There might be kids."

Malik shrugged, "Sure, whatever."

"Who's going to do the obstacle course?"

Joey raised his hand.

"Race too?"

"Italian American? Why does it matter?" He asked.

"No, Joey. Do you want to run in the race this year too?"

"Oh. Nope, I'm good."

"I'll do it." Akefia grunted.

Yugi wrote it down, "Pie Eating-"

"Ryou." Everyone said.

"I like pie." The young man grinned.

"Sack Race?"

Anzu raised her hand.

"Croquet?"

Bakura raised his hand.

"Oh they just added Javelin throwing. Malik want to do that one?"

He nodded.

"Ok. So, thanks everyone. I think that's all we need til the games."

* * *

Atem sighed, "I know the Scranton Branch is a joke guys but it's an easy win."

"It's insulting to even think about being near them." Duke frowned.

"Yea, they're a couple of fools." Mahad said.

Everyone nodded in argreement.

Vivian laughed, "This is definitely an easy win, Atem!"

"Either way it will be fun!" Tristan grinned.

"Right!" Serenity smiled.

Noah frowned, "Shame though, I'll miss the Manhattan Branch."

Mana smiled, "The games will be fine either way! It's not just about winning."

"But we're definitely not going to lose to those idiots." Atem smirked.

Everyone silently agreed.

* * *

"Hello, ladies and gents to the annual company picnic!"

"What the hell are those people doing here?" Akefia scowled at the crowd watching their every movement.

Yugi grunted, "Someone recorded last year's event and posted it. Apparently we're famous."

"Huh? Who know we'd get famous for something so earnest like a simple competition."

"They must be boring people to find interesting in watching business people play games."

"We're rather normal people to say the least." Bakura stated.

"Hey Scraton branch! Ready to lose?" Tristan grinned.

Joey smirked, "Nope but I think you're old enough for your balls to drop by now, buddy!"

They laughed.

"What a sausage fest?" Mai rolled her eyes.

Anzu smiled, "It's not all bad! It's not sexist at least like the urinal pic on the bathroom door."

"Right about that."

Bakura walked Amane to the picnic, "You fucking run away, I fucking hunt you down then we send you home in a box."

She glared at him but nodded. He dropped a juice box and sandwich in front of her then left.

The announcers, Yami and Atem, grinned, "For the first game. Sack Race!"

"Good luck, Scraton! You'll need it."

"Ha! Annie, is the best dang hopper this side of the Mississippi! With a bit of inspiration."

Anzu almost threw up from all the sugar sticks, "I'm gonna-'

"Let It Go." Joey stated.

She tensed, "Exactly." She went to the starting line.

Vivian scoffed, "You don't stand a chance, weeaboo."

"The pain you just made me feel...Imma let that shit go like Elsa." She stayed determined.

"Hmph! You like that children's movie, are you a fool! You are not some type of baby!"

Yami stood up with the air horn.

"Why don't you grow up!"

Anzu smiled.

"GOOOO!"

"Let it go, let it gooooo!" She hopped off into hyper drive, "CAN'T HOLD IT BACK ANYMORE! LET IT GO! LET IT GO! TURN AWAY AND SLAM THE DOOR! I DON'T CARE WANT THEIR GOING TO SAY SAAAY! LET THE STORM RAGE OOOON!"

"You are the Queen now!" Mai yelled.

She jumped into the air, falling face first into the ribbon, "The cold never bothered me anyway." She sung with a serious face.

"What the fuck..." The Boston Branch shuddered. Serenity giggled, "Good job, Anzu!" She clapped.

"What type of demonic fuckery..." Atem mumbled.

"It's called Frozen, bitch. And it is Anzu's ride 'n die. You will lose your first competition to us, the worst branch in ShadóRealm Inc."

* * *

"Bakura!"

He turned around only to be jumped on. He almost fell over with the added weight.

Malik clung onto him, "Look at my nails. The lady was like since you really like stiletto nails let me hook you up! And she put lace in my nails! Lace!"

"You can't put- Oh shit! There's lace in your nails."

"I know Bakura!"

"Malik, Bakura! I told you keep it pg! Get off one another!" Yami yelled into the bullhorn.

The blonde rolled his eyes, "I got lace in my nails!"

"Oooo!"

"What are you doing?" Malik asked.

"In the middle of croquet."

The blonde frowned, "Boring. After this let's go get ice cream. I heard this new joint opened on-"

"Hey! You just hopped in here in the middle of a game-"

Malik blinked then frowned. Maybe the person didn't notice how gorgeous he was? He flipped his hair over his shoulder, looking back at him, "Excuse me?"

Duke crossed his arms, "I've seen better."

He gripped Bakura's arm, "He bout to get it."

"Don't make a scene."

"I'm bout to cause a scene."

"Malik, no."

"He askin' for it. He don't know who I am. I'm an Ishtar. I will fucking show him my final form. He not ready for it either."

"No one is Malik."

"You better tell him, Bakura."

The man groaned, "Listen uh. Dukey, please apologize. You do not know the shit storm you are about to unleash."

"The name's Duke."

"That's what I fucking said, Dante. That man is not to be taken lightly as a sexy icon. He will rain hell. Uncomfortable erection inducing hell upon you. Now, just tell em he's pretty and we'll move on."

Duke narrowed his eyes, "You couldn't pay me."

Yami almost fainted, "Cousin, get that man! Get him now!"

Atem scowled, "It's not that bad."

He flipped the table, "Its a code magenta with a splash of brown everyone! RUN!"

"Magenta with a splash of brown!" Ryou screamed, sobbing.

"Man the hatches, men! We have a shit storm coming!" Akefia yelled. The Scraton branch quickly created a fort out of picnic tables. created Ryou grabbed all the snacks he could, squeezing them in their bomb shelter.

They sat in a large high tech room.

Mai monitored the radar, "Sir, the target is aquired. Waiting for briefing."

Yami looked into a pair of binoculars, "Target is sizing up the enemy. He's preparing to Sass Attack."

Akefia grunted, "Wait!" He stole the binoculars, "We have a straggler!"

"A what!"

"Bakura is still out there!" The grey haired man clenched his fist, "Send out the rescue team!"

Mai immediately connected them. They pair entered the large double doors.

" Anzu, Joey, do your best!"

Joey pulled out his nunchucks, "Looks like a tough mission, boss man. We got you though."

"No mission we can't handle!" Anzu loaded her shot gun.

They ran out the fort onto the battlefield. The field was grey and cracked from years of neglect. The air was crisp and dry. The sun refused to shine. They quickly set on their journey.

Malik flipped his hair over his shoulder. The ground shook.

"He's releasing energy! The blast of insults could possibly destroy our base and eradicate everyone on the field!"

"We have to get them out of there soon! It's not safe."

Joey took slow steps as they neared the danger zone, "Bakura! You have to come with us!"

Bakura shakily looked at him, "Run..."

Malik lifted his finger to point his long nails at Duke, "..."

"RUN!" Bakura yelled as they ran in the opposite direction. The ground already started to give way.

The blonde man scowled, "What's-"

No. They weren't ready.

"Good."

Anzu fell with the blast of his attitude as the ground shook. She tumbled to the ground, beat and bruised. Joey turned around, "Nooo!" He fell to his knees, "Anzu Moneyball!" He cried, beating the ground.

She groaned, "I won't make it. Go on. Finish the mission, Mutt Madness. Remember me after it's all over."

"Nooo! I'm staying."

"No. Get outta here kid. I didn't have much time anyway." She opened her jacket revealing a empty bag of sugar. She was a ticking time bomb, "This was my end either way."

He gripped her hand, "This isn't over. I will avenge you."

She smirked, "Make sugary love to the night, baby. Cacaw." She closed her eyes.

"Let it go~" He whispered to her, gently. He grabbed Bakura, running.

"You listen here you, scrawny playboy looking ass motherfucker. You Justin Bieber without photoshop looking like motherfucker!"

Joey groaned out, "It hurts!"

"Apparently you don't know who the fuck I am! I'm motherfucking Malik Ishtar. Sexiest creature in existence and I don't tolerate blunt ignorance of that fact. Women want me, men wanna be me. Hell, even men want to fuck me too! It's the natural law of all things logical! And for you to deny that law is simply not an option. But before I educate you, I got one question for you."

Joey and Bakura slid into the fort. Yami closed the door quickly.

"Captain, we won't survive the impact!" Mai cried out, "The magnitude is so strong...there's no way the block it."

He sighed, putting on a brave face, "You men were brave in the face of danger." They saluted him, "Before I die, tell my Yugi, I love him."

Yugi flushed a bit, "If it means anything, I don't completely hate you."

Ryou whipped a tear from his eye, "Akefia, you're like the father I never had!"

"Ryou, I quite frankly am scared of you but consider you a loyal friend and amazing level 72 spellcaster."

The young man sobbed, "That's the sweetest thing anyone's told me! Bakura, I love you too, man!"

He scowled, "You also scare me."

Joey leaned against the fort, holding his wound, "May they remember us for ions from now."

They bowed their heads.

Malik clenched his fist, "WHAT ARE THOSE!"

KABOOOOOM!

And it all came to an end... The universe could not handle the intense spirit bomb and simply collapsed on itself. Existence no longer...existed.

[Crédits roll]

* * *

"And that was our entry for the movie making competition!" Yami smirked at the crowd.

The Boston Branch was in shock.

"Turn up!" Joey yelled, laughing. Their branch was extremely proud of their movie.

"How much did that cost?"

"A whole week's salary and a half naked car wash calendar. Thanks Mr. August, you bumped up sales a lot!"

Malik laughed, "No problem!"

"I still have mixed emotions about that." Bakura covered his chest, feeling exposed.

Atem blinked, "You...win...again!"

"Woah awesome!" Anzu smiled.

Serenity giggled, "That was so cool! You even hired look alikes for us!"

"Sis, Scraton Branch is thorough in execution." Joey boasted.

Yami grinned, "We only do the best!"

* * *

Ryou slid his 47th slice of pie in his mouth into his bottomless pit of a stomach.

"I'M GOING TO THROW UP LOOKING AT HIM!" Mai screamed.

"Ryou, you can stop eating. The contest ending 30 minutes ago, Mana already puked."

He blinked, "Huh? Oh, I know but I skipped breakfast." He said fitting an entire slice in his mouth.

Yugi's eye twitched, "Malik!"

The blonde marched right over to him, "What did I tell you about binge eating!" He yelled, pulling his ear.

The albino pouted, "Not to binge eat."

"What are you doing?"

"...Binge eating."

He slapped the back of his head, "Now put the pie down."

"Yes sir." He stood up, sullen.

Yami looked up from his barf bag, "Uh, next competition." He whipped his mouth.

* * *

The day had went well for both sides and now had come to a draw.

"And for the last event of the day, the big Race!"

"Ready, Kefi?" Ryou patted him on the back.

He shrugged, indifferently. His kids were holding signs, screaming go daddy, "As good as I'll get."

"Atem." Mahaad said.

"I know." The man glared at his husband from a distance, "If we don't win this, we'll lose...to the Scraton Branch."

Vivian scoffed, "Then what are we going to do about it!"

"Duke, bring out the sandwich."

"The sandwich!" They cried.

"Drastic measures."

Duke slowly handed him the sandwich. Atem took and walked over to his husband, "Hey, hun."

The man glanced up, "Hey." He said.

"Brought you a quick snack. I know we didn't really eat lunch with getting the kids dressed and everything."

"Huh? Oh, thanks." He took the sandwich.

The shorter man smirked as he bit into it. That sandwich was packed with hallucinogenic mushrooms. He'd be too fucked to run the race.

"You know, Atem. I'm really grateful for you being here. Even if it's for such a short time. I feel bad shipping the kids back and forth for work but I'm happy we get to be together like this...Or some shit like that." He shoved the sandwich in his mouth.

Atem stiffened, "Wait, what?"

"I'm happy for having a family. Don't make me say it again."

He grabbed his chest, "That's the second sweetest thing you've ever said to me. " The first being that he loved him more than the Broadway show of the Lion King, the one that gave him a phobia of musicals, burned down. After that they immediately got married.

He clenched his fists, "I'm so sorry for hurting you!"

"Huh?" Akefia asked before being kicked in the stomach.

"Throw up, you gorgeous bastard, throw the hell up!" Atem kicked him in the stomach over and over and over again.

Yami sighed, watching from the bleachers, "Ahhh...love is something special."

"He tried to basically drug him for a childish competition." Yugi raised an eyebrow.

"He tried to make it up though. In a stupid way but it's the thought that counts. Love just makes us into strange and deranged barbarians."

The man blinked then stared at him, "...guess you have a point on deranged..." He scratched his head. He glanced at him, "Hey...Yami, I want you to know-"

"Yami, why is Akefia getting naked? Is it apart of the race?" Ryou asked.

"Huh?" They looked back over to the other side of the park.

"Akefia stop stripping!" Atem cried.

"It's too hot for clothes, talking porcupine! Too hot!" He yelled, ripping the clothes off.

"Go dad!" Ammon cheered.

"Why is daddy naked!" Nubia cried, bawling her eyes.

"Don't cry little chinchilla girl! Kefi's bringing home the gold and return the land of Oz to it's former glory!" The man ran to the starting line.

The referee blinked then screamed, shooting the starting gun in shock. Akefia ran down the track which looked like a candy Wonderland.

"Malik?" Amane dropped her sandwich.

"What hun?"

She pointed to the track. He glanced over, lowering his sunglasses down the bridge of his nose, "Oh." He tilted his head, "I don't remember that mole being there before." He shrugged then went back to his magazine.

Amane screamed, covering her eyes.

Bakura growled, covering her eyes too, "Shut up! You were made with one of those!"

She screamed louder.

Mai tried not to faint, leaning on Ryou. Ryou was taking pictures, "Sweet sweet memories." And blackmail.

Akefia ran next to Noah, reaching the finish line.

"Noah! Destroy him!" Vivian screamed. Their reputation was at stake!

Joey sat at the finish line with a tranquilising gun.

Anzu nudged him, "Shoot him already!"

"Moving targets are hard!"

"We play too much Call of Duty for this!" She snatched the gun.

"It's not a game controller!"

She aimed it at the running Akefia. Joey fell over off his feet from kneeling for so long. She shot a stray dart.

"Bakura!" Malik yelled.

The man ripped the dart out his neck. He looked up to find Anzu holding a gun. The woman shakily smiled at him, "H-hey now, it was an accident-"

"Run."

She threw the gun and immediately hauled ass in the opposite direction. He slowly stalked after her because when he caught up, she was dead.

Atem held a blanket to cover Akefia up, chasing after him, "AKEFIA, COME HERE!"

He glanced behind him, "Porcupine King? You will follow me into battle?" He gave a determined nod, "God bless you and may the battle mold us into Heroes! Onwards, to FREEDOM!" He leap into the air like a mighty lion, crossing the finished line.

* * *

"So...who won?" Yami asked. The park around was on fire, children sat around them crying. The ambulance had to come. The police filed many reports.

The referee watched the chaotic tapes over, "...Looks like a tie at first but...technically his ding Dong won the race."

"Wow...ya could say we won by six inches!" He joked, "Right guys!" He laughed.

"Go hang yourself." Atem said, climbing into the ambulance truck as they hoisted up his husband.

"How much damage this year Yugi?"

He looked at his clipboard, "Enough to make corporate cry and lawsuits coming from every direction."

"Haha! Another year, another reason to do it all again!" He gave a hardy laugh, "Man, I love my job!"

Yugi rubbed his temples, "I know you do, Yami. I know you do."

* * *

 **Wasn't too bad, eh? Rather strange though XD**

 **See ya next time. Remember to review, fav and follow!**


	14. Thanksgiving and Black Friday

**Happy Thanksgiving!...Yes I know it's Black Friday, give me I break. I was planning something for Halloween that never happened but don't worry I got Christmas on lock down! I also have another chapter planned too featuring one of Malik's many ex girlfriends. Also the Christmas one is going to be following Anzu or Joey's day and perspective. Not sure which character though.**

 **Warning this chapter is not as funny as the rest. Sorry.**

* * *

Thanksgiving Day~

Bakura rolled his eyes, "Cook a little more furiously Malik, I'm sure the food will taste better with your rage."

Malik pointed the wooden spoon at him, "Do you want to cook?"

"Do you want a meal or a disaster? I can only do the latter of the two."

"Hmph! I am the master chef in this house."

"Fuck you, my grilled cheese is better than yours!" He cried, indignantly.

"I put bacon in mine."

"Fine, you win. Show off."

Ryou walked into the kitchen in his underwear, "Guys, is there- Nooo it smells so good."

"I do not want you in here. You'll eat everything."

"True. I have to go talk to my dad anyway. He lost my baby sister like a dingus!"

Bakura shrugged, "Children tend to wander off. I wish all were like that." He glared sideways at the girl invading his home. Amane glared at him.

Ryou walked out.

Malik put the tray of stuffing in the oven, "Bakura my family is coming."

He spit out his juice, "What?"

"Ishizu wants to see the house and she's forcing my brothers to come too. She also wanted to wish you happy holidays."

"Ishizu?" He raised an eyebrow.

"Yes."

"The mob boss?"

"Yes."

This was going to be a hell of a thanksgiving.

* * *

Malik smirked, opening the door, "Happy Thanksgiving!"

"You really made us wait outside for an hour in the cold." Kek scowled, pushing past his brother.

"Heh, the table had to be set since SOMEONE didn't do it right!"

Bakura groaned.

Ishizu walked in, "Hello brother."

"Hey Malik!" His coworkers screamed.

Yami grinned, "I missed your big ass house! And your big ass."

"Tell me something I don't know."

Kek looked around, "I think you designed this room brother?"

"Yes."

"Pathetic."

"Who the fuck are you, mother fucking Martha Stewart! Shut the fuck up and talk to everyone here!"

"Don't raise your fucking voice at me!"

"Go fuck yourself in hell."

"Ha, I'll probably see you there giving Satan a BJ!"

Malik fumed. He was going to fucking kill that oversized- Amane walked over to him, pulling at his pant leg. He looked down at her then picked her up, walking into the kitchen.

...

"I'll be out with the food soon. Everyone just merrily chat til dinner!"

Bakura sat back in his chair, "Y'all heard em."

* * *

"I think twerking should be banned." Akefia stated.

"Fuck you!" Joey groaned, "Twerk is an art form! Have you seen Anaconda!"

"That video was fucking disgusting!"

"It was art, Akefia." Yami frowned.

Mai flipped her hair, "It was awful. Women shouldn't parade around like horny beasts."

"Hey women have just as much right as men! Showing skin isn't wrong!" Anzu pouted.

"What about you Ishizu?" Bakura asked.

The woman blinked, "Hm? Well," She thought, "I could honestly give 0 fucks. These are very petty topics. Now if it were more realistic topics such as money management, dealing with competing businesses, handling dirty fucking rats who go snitching to the cops without an ounce of loyalty and expect to be forgiven because oh no baby! I'm the boss that you crossed and you dare commit blasphemy against me, your god, your saviour! Heh honey you dug yourself a deep ass grave-...What why are you looking at me like that?"

...

* * *

"I think we are going to have an ass ton of meetings next week."

"On what?" Akefia asked.

"Office efficiency, computer appropriation because people are using the computers for dumb shit, PDA, overtime-"

Mai blinked, "PDA? Why?"

"Too much sexual tension in the office."

"What? No one in the office is dating or anything. I mean you and Yugi had that thing which...ended."

"We are getting through it and are almost back together, right Yug?"

"Burn in hell."

"Ha classic Yugi!" He laughed, sadly, "The PDA meeting is not only dating yet just the aura we have in the office. It's very sexual. I even brought in a psychic to read the aura and man did she fucking give me the lay down! It's only a matter of time before Kaboom! Fucking office orgy."

Joey nodded, "Let's gave that prevention meeting then! There is way too many men in the office for that!"

"Agreed. I'm married, no group office sex." Akefia stated.

"I want everyone there next week." Yami sipped his beer.

"Fine!" Everyone agreed.

* * *

Ryou ran in, "Malik! I'm starving!" He screamed, "My awful daddy had me all over town searching for that girl!"

Kek jolted up, "...Ryou?"

"Kek? You came!" He smiled.

The man stood up and hugged him.

Yami raised an eyebrow, "Ooo, spicy plot twist."

Yugi shook his head, "You are a fool."

"Why are you here Kek?"

"I could ask you the same-"

"I don't care much for you molesting my baby boy in my own house." Malik growled in Kek's ear, holding the butcher knife to his throat.

"Mom- I mean Malik! It's fine!"

"How you don't even know him!"

"He's my boyfriend! He's only here because I asked him!"

"You asked him? He's here because of family obligation! I'm his brother!"

Yami sipped his juice, loudly, "Oooo spice."

Yugi elbowed him.

"Kek?"

He stared at him, "Ryou, how do you know him?"

"He's one of my best friends."

"Ryou, you've been fucking my brother?"

"He's my boyfriend! I don't even know you two were related."

"They look pretty similar." Yami smirked.

"Shut up!" Yugi punched him.

Malik let go of Kek, heading for the kitchen, "The food is ready, everyone. Come eat." He mumbled, trying to hide his anger.

* * *

The table was silent. Bakura stood up walking into the kitchen, "You're being an awful host."

"Sorry." Malik frowned, holding his head in his hands.

"Don't apologize to me. I'm not a guest." He stated, "Now shut up and drink a glass of wine."

"I don't want a drink."

The albino grinned, "Malik Ishtar not wanting a drink? The world has gone mad."

Lavender eyes glared at him.

"Oh C'mon."

"I know you are trying your best to cheer me up but stop."

"No." He pushed a glass of wine in front of him, "Cheers."

Malik tried to return it.

"Just a sip. It's your favourite."

"Why?"

"Just a petty request."

He sighed, taking a sip.

"Good right?"

"I suppose."

"So," He began, "Why are you in here sulking?"

The blonde brushed his hair behind his ear, "I'm a bit upset."

"A bit?"

"Fine. Just upset."

"About?" He chugged down his glass of wine.

He sighed, "Ryou dating my brother. I hate my brother so much. I voiced that hatred to Ryou many times yet I guess now I know he's always been on his side."

"Betrayed?"

"I suppose. I...I just really put a lot of trust in him and then I find he loves the man I hate."

"Do you hate Ryou?"

"Course not. He knew nothing about us being related.

"Then why do you doubt your trust in him?" Malik looked at Bakura, "I'm just saying. He never mixed the two parts of his life. Him dating Kek and being friends with you were completely separate things. He is Kek's boyfriend and your best friend, that would not change even if they weren't really separate." He stated, "Or maybe I'm fucking drunk. This is my fourth glass of wine!" He laughed.

Malik nodded, "You're right."

"Hey I'm not that drunk you ass."

"Not that, dumbass. About Ryou. What you said makes since."

Bakura shrugged, "I'm pretty smart."

"You are extremely smart."

He blinked, "Really?"

"Yea." He kissed his cheek, "Thanks." He stood up. Bakura grabbed his arm, pulling him down.

"Malik..."

"..." He leaned closer, closing the space between them. Bakura slowly brought his arms around his neck.

"Woah there kiddies. Congratulations!"

Malik immediately pulled away, looking up to see Yami.

"Oops my bad. Ruined the moment. My apologies to the blushing bride."

The blonde glanced at Bakura. He was bright red.

"Anyway, Malik, your guests miss you. You are the host of this soiree."

"You're right."

"Go get em tiger."

He grabbed a pie, sashaying in the dining room, "Hey!"

Everyone jolted up at the silence being broken.

"I finally finished the pie! Sorry it took so long. Why's everyone so dead?" He sat the pie on the table.

...

"So boring. I didn't invite you guys here to sulk. Fine, I'll lighten the mood. Joey explain to us The Other Guys."

The young man slammed his fist on the table, "I'm a peacock, ya gotta let me fly!"

"Good job!"

Anzu smiled, "I love peacocks! Birds are great!"

"I hate birds they shit on your car and feel no shame in it!" Akefia grunted.

"They do make eggs. I like an omelet in the morning." Ishizu stated.

"Scrambled eggs are way better." Mai claimed.

"Ew they are supposed to be sunny side up!" Yugi pouted.

Malik smiled at his handy work, "Anyone want pie?"

"Of course I fucking want pie!" Everyone screamed at him.

He happily cut the pie giving everyone a piece. He noticed Ryou and Kek were not at the table. He looked at Ishizu. She seemed to have caught his drift, "Outside."

He grabbed a plate of pie, heading to the door, "Ryou?" He shut the door behind him.

"Hey, Malik."

"Why are you out here in the cold? You should be eating my food inside."

He looked up, "Sorry about all of this."

Malik sat down next to him, "What are you sorry for? It doesn't matter! How could you have known, I never speak my siblings' names. Shut up and eat this pie."

"Not hungry."

"Fucking liar." Malik stabbed a piece of the pie on the fork, shoving it in his mouth.

Tears came to Ryou's eyes, "So good!" He took the pie, devouring it.

"Where did the wiener go?"

"Hm? Work. He only came because Ishizu made him."

"...Does he treat you good?"

"Yea. I know you hate him but I've never seen the side of him you describe."

He shrugged, "So? That's good. He treats you and your girlfriend right and that's all that matters. So what if I hate him, that's me. You like him so don't mind my constant talk of his flaws."

Ryou laughed, "It's a sibling thing."

"Yea, it is. Don't worry about it."

"Heh, you really were scary when you held that knife to his neck."

"He'll get over it. We've done worse to each other."

He smiled, "It's should have known you were related."

"Why? The blonde hair and dark skin?"

"That too but you curse the same way!"

Malik frowned, "He always was a little copycat! Fucking parrot motherfucker!"

Ryou just laughed harder.

"Heh, now let's go take a shot!"

"I can't hold my liquor though."

"So, you're at my house, I got you." He stood up, grinning.

Ryou nodded. They were best friends afterall.

* * *

"The next day, Black Friday, Malik and Ryou ended up being arrested for assault. Malik was verbally fighting with a man for a tv yet the fight turned physical shortly after Malik was called a...fruit. Ryou kindly punched the mam in the face and continued to do so until apprehended. Malik was given the charge of assault too for stepping on the man to make his way to the cashier. Yet they did it together as friends." Anzu smiled, "Like I always say, Friendship is pretty fucking great."

She picked something up below her, "Plus they bought everyone cool gifts." She held up the box, "Fucking blender! Smoothies all day everyday now!" She winked to the camera, "They couldn't be here to tell the story, community service."

"But kiddies remember, Ya gotta have friends! Or else you're gonna be really fucking bored! See ya next time!" She smiled.

...

"Thank god that's over. I hate cameras. Who watches this show? It's weird. A reality show on business people! Ha, this show is for weirdos!"

Joey blinked from across the room, "Camera is still rolling!"

"GAH! Fuck, I mean I love this show and viewers! Uh Joey save me!"

He sat on her lap, "Distraction plan B." He started to interpretive dance, "The river! Flows!" He wiggled his body, "Like Honey! Bubble Bee! Yet Bubble will never bee me!"

Anzu clapped loudly, "Yes! Preach!"

"I will always be a bird!" He flapped his arms, "Can I get a Cacaw!"

"Cacaw!"

"Yes, I will forever be a bird. A peacock."

Anzu nodded, "That's a pretty ass bird!"

"Thank you. A peacock ready to take flight!"

"Wait, peacocks do not fly."

"A motherfucking peacock. Flying into a rainbow."

"That's some beautiful ass imagery."

"Damn right, and you know what?"

"What, Joe?"

He nodded, solemnly, "Ya gotta let me fly."

"Amen."

They looked into the camera, "Have a good ass night and happy holidays."


	15. Computers and Awful Day

**Hey everybody welcome back! Christmas is coming up and so excited. I love the giving season, not religiously but it has a peppy, cheery aura.**

 **Ready for a new chapter? Oh, well then. New chapter anyway! Woo!**

* * *

"Hey everybody!" Yami greeted.

"Eat shit and die!" Akefia yelled.

"Good seeing you too, Akefia. How's the wedding going?"

He scowled, "Awful."

"Just like everything else in your life. Boom! Roasted!" He clapped his hands, "Guys, let's talk about computer appropriation! Stop watching porn!"

Joey shook his fist in the air, "Why should we?"

"At work you are supposed to do work not get off!"

Yugi shook his head, "It's really getting out of control with the dumb stuff people are doing."

"Mai!"

She jumped out of her sleep, "What did I do?!"

Yami put a hand on his hip, "Running a gossip blog, online shopping, and Match Dating Site. Come on, bitch, get it together!"

She blushed, "You don't have to call me out!"

"Oh you're not the only one." Yami pointed to Ryou, "You!"

The man slouched in his seat.

"Food porn? Really? Ryou?"

"I find food sexier than people at times."

Yami growled, "Don't jerk off to cake!"

"Don't kink shame me!"

"Malik!"

He threw his head back, groaning, "Bitch, whaat?"

"Instagram? All fucking day!

"I have followers to keep!"

"You are whoring yourself out! Bakura!"

"Huh?"

"Stop ordering shit! That fucking hat you just bought, it's fucking disgusting."

"It's eccentric."

"Lady Gaga is eccentric! You are plain ridiculous!"

Bakura fumed, "She wore a meat dress for fucks sake!"

"I recall you wanting that dress!"

"To eat it!"

Ryou smiled, "Same."

"Whatever! Akefia, mind cutting down on the hate mail!"

"I refuse to stop. It's my only joy in life except for setting fires."

"Annie- Alea- Annamaria- fuck it you know I'm talking to you, otaku! Stop buying figurines."

Anzu shook her head, "I have a problem!"

"Look me in the fucking eyes, stop. Buying. Anime. Merch. It's too damn expensive." He sighed, "Joey."

"No."

"No more looking up how to drive a tank, no how to load a gun, no how to defuse a bomb. The government is watching and is probably very suspicious! You're insane. Get help."

Yugi shook his head, twirling two metal balls in his hands, "Yami, let's not forget you! Five hours of Spanish soap operas everyday is not productive in the least."

"I need them though. I work hard-"

"No, I work hard. So everyone here can work on something. Right guys?"

Everyone grumpily nodded.

"So just try your best. See you guys tomorrow."

* * *

Ryou sat at the dinner table. Kek plopped a plate in front of him, "You're going to a party tomorrow right?"

"You're coming aren't you?"

"Can't. Working in the cemetery this week."

"What? We talked about this! Those people will hit you for scaring them." He stabbed his pancakes.

"You hit me for scaring you."

"I'm special!"

Kek grinned, "Hey, at least ya got Miho."

"No you don't." She walked in, "Sorry guys. I'm staying home to handle the bills."

"Nooo! You're both standing me up!"

Miho leaned down and kissed his forehead.

Kek rolled his eyes, "Introduce us to your parents. Not your stupid friends."

"What about your siblings?"

"Touché."

The woman looked over at the clock, "Whoa! Time to go!" She cried, put on her coat and left. Kek stood up and grabbed his coat, "Listen Ryou, we'll celebrate Christmas together like always: the day after. And be happy! I got a new painting I'm working on that will go in a museum. Ooo, public art. So professional."

"You're so pretentious."

"Save the pillow talk for later." He winked, leaning down to kiss him.

"No tongue."

"No fun."

He pecked him goodbye and was off. He really wished they could all plan something together but they all had different work schedules and commitments.

"I wish we could all make time for each other."

Ryou had a bad attitude. Setting the stage for disaster. Yet he wasn't the only one.

* * *

Malik went outside to get the mail which was odd to him that any neighborhood still had it delivered. He noticed something on the lawn. A medium sized cross.

He took a deep breath then walked to his next door neighbor's house, knocking on the door. The man opened the door.

"Good morning and God bless, Mr. Ishtar."

Malik scowled, "Cut the crap, Frank. Keep your shit off my lawn."

"Excuse me."

"I know it was you, you Christian extremist. Put another fuck damn cross on my property and I will murder you."

"Violence is never the answer, Mr. Ishtar."

"Bullshit. Just keep your shit off my lawn."

Frank shook his head, "It's not my property."

Malik gave him an exasperated look, "Oh really? Who's is it then?"

"God's."

"Well, Frank. I'd like him to remove it. I exchanged emails with Jesus a while back but I heard heaven has awful wifi so give him a call for me and ask him. Thanks." He turned to leave.

"I hope you'll attend church soon, Mr. Ishtar. I worry for your salvation."

"I worry for your sexless marriage and future divorce. I hate the way your wife stares at him with such lust." He slammed the door, "Fucking bastard."

* * *

Bakura growled waking up. He sat up groggy. He woke up on the left side of the bed. The wrong side of the bed.

He rolled out the bed, shuffling into his bathroom. He started the shower and got in. He went through the routine. He grabbed the shampoo and washed the ends of his end before he went to the rest. It felt weird, sticky. His eyes widened as he tried to move his hand and it wouldn't budge.

"The hell."

He sniffed his hair, realizing immediately that it was gorilla glue.

"MALIK!" He screamed.

000

Amane giggled hearing his outburst then went back to watching tv.

* * *

Akefia deleted all 125 messages on his answering machine.

"Akefia, this is Ms. Ishtar. Call me back-" Deleted.

"Akefia, this is Ishizu, pick up it's about my money-" Deleted.

"Listen you fucking cunt! It's the bitch who owns your soul! I want the next installment of my fucking money or else I will fucking send my goons to handle you! Don't play with the Boss-" Deleted.

He sighed. Damn Atem and his wedding to hell. He didn't have her money and couldn't pay it soon. Fuuuck.

* * *

Ryou was pulled over by a cop for speeding and destroying a fire hydrant, receiving a ticket and court hearing. He stomped to his desk.

"Fuck traffic laws." He groaned.

"Ha! Fuck neighbors!"

"Hn. Fuck wedding planners."

They nodded in agreement and content because everyone knows misery loves company.

000

Ryou looked through his emails, bored.

Spam

Spam

Dad

Spam

Wait- His dad?

He skimmed over the letter? He lost his baby sister. The day couldn't get worse.

"Malik?" He asked, "Can you twerk to make me feel better?"

"Huh? I don't have it in me today. And ya know I have to shake my ass on request. Go ask Bakura to do it for you."

Akefia shook his head, "Don't, he's under Mai's desk, hiding from work."

"Why Mai?"

"Biggest desk, best gossip."

Malik frowned, "My gossip is just as good-"

Akefia rolled his eyes, "Can you two just shut up and fuck? I'm so sick of your shit, most of this fucking story is you and Bakura going back and forth on a roller coaster romantic feelings. Give someone else some screen time dammit!"

"I can't help that people like me, Akefia. It's not my fault I'm pretty and people like my personality."

"You're a bitch and people feel sorry for you."

He crossed his arms, "Probably true but I assure you they think I'm sexy as fuck."

"I second that notion!" Ryou cried.

They shut up as a loud crashing sound came from behind them as Anzu fell from her cubicle, groaning.

"Fucked up today, Teà?" Akefia asked.

She nodded, lying on her side.

"Walk it off champ."

She gave a thumbs up before her hand collapsed back to the floor.

Joey came out the bathroom, "THERE'S NO FUCKING TOILET PAPER! FUCK THIS BROKE ASS COMPANY!" He screamed, tears flowing from his eyes.

Malik cringed. Everyone was having an awful day. He hoped it wouldn't get worse.

"Malik." Mai called.

He looked up and his heart almost stopped, "Crazy Carla?"

The bitch was at the front desk.

"Ryou call the cops. Tell them to come." He whispered.

"Why?"

"Carla is supposed to be in jail."

He stood up, taking a step closer. She ran up to him anyway.

"Poo bear!" She hugged him.

"Heeeeey. Carla." He slipped away from her, "How have you been? How are you doing?"

"Poo bear, that's so sweet to ask!" She tried to put her hand on his shoulder. He dipped away from her touch. She tried again and he moved again, "Hahaha! You're so silly!" She cried, gripping him.

"Hehe..." He nervously chuckled, looking at Ryou to hurry the hell up.

"Malik, you're acting funny?"

"Whaaat, nooo." He shot Ryou another look.

"Why do you keep looking at him?"

The blonde started to sweat, "No reason, baby!"

"Who is he?"

"Just a friend."

She frowned, "What type of friend?"

"The friend type."

She grabbed his hair, "What type of friend!"

He whimpered. Bakura popped his head up, "I heard-"

"Haha! That was me! I'm horny!" Mai lied. She knew if he saw, he'd kill the bitch.

"Ew Mai, let me get away then."

"Nope, I like the sound of breathing! Stay!"

"No!"

"Just stay down there, Bakura!" She yelled into his face then noticed Yami staring at her with a disgusted face. She stared back at him.

"Mai, is there something you'd like to say?"

She glanced at Malik being practically molested and manhandled then the mentally unstable man between her legs. She sighed, "Uh. I like gay men."

"Uh. Gay men don't like you. You are a woman."

"I uh like a challenge."

Yami blinked, "Okay, then no kink shame." He shrugged, walking away to watch Malik's battle.

Bakura pushed her legs, "God, your legs are smooth. It's disgusting."

"Excuse my good hygiene." She glared at him.

Carla was now glaring at Ryou intensely, "So you're dating him now!"

"No! He's a-"

"Say friend again motherfucker. Say friend again! I dare you! I double dog dare you motherfucker! Say friend again!" She yelled.

Malik shuddered, "Hehe, sorry! Carla, maybe you should go home. I mean back to jail."

"...You want me to go back? After I broke out for you?"

"I just don't want you in anymore trouble." He sweetly lied.

She creepily smiled, "Aw! My poo bear is the best!"

"Yup. You should go now."

Ryou dropped his phone, "Shit!"

"911 what is your emergency?"

Carla stared at the phone. Akefia shook his head. Yami sipped his coffee loudly.

...

She suddenly grabbed Malik's throat, "You were sending him signals."

"No, I'd never-"

"Liar." She tightened her grip, "Little rat!"

Akefia grabbed her arm, "Hey!"

She dropped Malik, grabbing his arm. Then shoved her fist into his throat, knocking the air out of him. Ryou went to grab him as he fell.

"Atem is not going to like that." Yami mumbled.

Malik tried to crawl away but she grabbed his leg.

"It's going to be me or no one!"

"BAKURAAAA!"

The white haired man punched Mai right in her...ya know what.

"Fuck!" She screamed.

"Sorry Mai." He stood up.

"You almost penetrated!"

He scratched his head, "If I did, I wouldn't be able to live with myself. I really don't like the puss."

"Guess what the puss doesn't like you either right now!"

"I said sorry. Do the girls still love me?"

She looked at her boobs, "Yea. I guess so."

"HELP!"

"My idiot is calling!" He ran into the work room. Then he saw his worst enemy, "Carla!"

She looked up, "You! Man stealing motherfucker-"

He hoisted up a chair over his head. Yami tackled him, "No more property damage! Corporate is up my asshole!"

"Let me at her!"

"You can't hit a woman."

"That is sexest! Equal beat downs for all sexes."

Anzu stood up, "He's right." She grabbed Carla by the hair, "But even though sexes should be equal! There's no tolerance for a psycho bitch." She threw her across the room.

Malik groaned out,"Anzu Moneyball VS. Crazy Ex...FIGHT!"

Mai ran in, frozen snow peas taped to the front of her skirt, "Kill that bitch! I almost got fisted by a gay man because of that skank. DEMOLISH HER!"

* * *

"Yes, officer, she attacked him. Then I stepped into to help and was attacked."

"Hm."

Akefia growled. He was explaining the situation to the stupid man for the hundredth time.

Ryou stepped in front of him then repeated what he said.

"Oh ok. Got cha."

"I just said that!"

"Next time say it in English."

Akefia looked into the camera.

Mai cleaned up Anzu's bruises, "Warrior."

"This is Sparta." She whispered, smiling.

"You watch way too many movies." Mai grinned.

"You should watch more with me!"

"That's Joey's department."

Malik plopped down in Anzu's lap, "Thank you!"

"No problem. She's insane. At least the police got her!"

The police officer walked over, "About that..." He scratched his head, "She's missing."

Malik looked at him, "Excuse me? You handcuffed her and threw her in the car."

"I didn't make the cuffs tight."

"Why!"

"She's a lady, I didn't want to hurt her delicate wrists."

The blonde pointed at him, "You are stupid."

"I guess this is a bad time to ask for your number-"

His eye twitched, "BAKURA!"

The albino appeared out of thin air, "It's time to head back the station." He pushed him away.

Ryou was eating a bag of chips extremely fast, "That was so scary!" He stuffed his mouth.

Malik stared at him then stood up, "Ryou!" He snatched the bag, "What the FUCK did I say about binge eating!"

"I was scared! I promise-"

"Shut up! Go sit in the car and repent!"

"C'mon, not repentance-"

"Repent, sinner!"

Ryou sighed walking to his car. Today was awful. At least Christmas was coming up soon? Maybe everything will be fine on Christmas? Everything would get better by Christmas!

Who was he kidding.

* * *

 **Don't forget to review, fav and follow!**

 **Still deciding if it's going to be Joey or Anzu's point of view for the Christmas chapter so if you have an idea don't be afraid to share it. Or any other ideas!**

 **Please and thanks!**


	16. Psychology Test and Bowie

**Hey everyone! I know I missed Christmas for that chapter. I did like half of it and just couldn't finish for some reason. I'll probably just use it for a different holiday. Sorry bout that, school is hectic with writing. But enough apologies! Hope you enough the new chapter.**

 **These are clips from Reno 911 from the Psychology Test episode. And mention of David Bowie's death. I like his music so yea.**

* * *

"Guys. We're going to be doing a psychological test for the university!" Yami exclaimed.

Everyone sat in silence.

"And get paid for it!"

"Wooo!"

"Amen!"

* * *

The Case of Yami 'Muto'

"Hi, Yami. I'm going to ask a few questions just answer them as honest as possible."

"Okay."

"Have you ever gone through any therapy or-"

"Yes."

"Wow, an immediate response."

He nodded, "12 years. Just like 12 years a slave, I have been through 12 years of therapy."

"Awful analogy but okay. So you've been in one on one therapy for 12 years now."

"All types of therapy, group therapy, hydrotherapy, and an involuntary shock therapy."

"Involuntary?"

The man scratched his head, "You know Satanic cults and shit."

"Quite frankly I don't. Elaborate."

"Well after Yugi and I separated for a bit. We are just on a break by the way! I joined a Satanic cult."

"So you became a satanist?"

"No! Satanist are atheist. I worshipped Satan for a solid 6 months. And man did they do things to my body, I didn't know existed."

"You said in was therapeutic."

"I felt better afterwards!"

"...Back to your break up."

"No, no. Not break up, just short separation. Ya know to let our love grow and flourish." Yami said, delusionally.

"What made you break up?"

"I really like alcohol! To the point of blacking out too."

"A blackout drunk?"

He snorted, "That's rude but yes. He said he was sick of it and we split for a bit."

"Was that traumatic?"

"No, we're only taking a break."

"O...okay. Is there anything else?"

"My daymares."

"Daymares?"

"Nightmares during the day."

"What do they enclose?"

"Just the run of the mill 'I'm gonna get revenge.' You're all going to pay one day. You're laughing now but I have a samurai sword. Just regular stuff."

"But you wouldn't have a sword."

"No, then I'd look down and go Oh no, Daymares!"

"So these are vivid?"

He nodded, "Extremely. In them, hmmm I'm not quite the angel of death. More like a comic book character who wears leather, jumps around at night, searching for revenge."

"Ok. What is your greatest weakness?"

"Blackouts. Blackouts and delusions."

"What's the delusions?"

"Sometimes I see birds that are not really there."

"And other people can't see?"

"Yea." Yami sat back in his seat.

"I have nightmares about the birds."

The man blinked, "Same birds?"

"Yea, they sing me notes." He began to sing, "Musical notes that give me clues to real life~"

"Clues? In the notes?"

"Yea like a message. Here's one I'm trying to decipher: A, A, A, E, F, G, G, B, B, D, B#." He sighed, "But as you see, it doesn't make sense. I've tried rescrambling."

"Doesn't work huh?

"Nope. I think the birds in my head have no idea what the fuck they're talking about!"

...

"Well Mr. Muto. Thank you for your time."

"No problem, just tell me how I can see my scores? The mail or email?"

"No, no. This is not one of those tests, we just put this in a file to reference from."

"Can I access this file?"

"No. It's just something to look at if anything happens and we can go 'Should have seen that coming.'"

"Huh. Okay!"

* * *

The Case of Teà Gardener

"Hi Teà."

"Anzu."

"Excuse me?"

"Call me Anzu."

"Oh, your papers said Teà. My bad."

"No. It's fine! No problem."

"Okay, would you consider yourself an introvert or extrovert?"

"Both! I like my quiet time but love being with friends."

"What would you say is your greatest weakness?"

"Uh. Frozen."

"The movie?"

"Yea and Polka."

"Music?"

"Music, dance, culture. You name it. I have my own troupe that practices year round and we go to towns and throw festivals."

"Interesting, I suppose. Have you ever had a thought of suicide? "

"Once. There was a lump on my boob that I thought was cancer. So I bought a bottle of arsenic and poured it into my wine. Then my friends Yugi and Joey came over so I told them I was dying of breast cancer and there was a tumor. Yugi looked at my boobs then punched me right in the gut! He said it was a swollen bruise from being hit in the boobs too many times at baseball. And later the spot where he punched me looked exactly like my boob so I realized I didn't have cancer. The end."

"..."

She smiled.

"...How could you have prevented that?"

"By going to polka instead of little league."

"Maybe seeing a doctor?"

"Good one! I can't afford a doctor with student loans!" She laughed, wiping a tear from her eye.

He frowned, "Then Google it!"

"If I thought of it, I might have done it but hey we can't change time. Time may change us but we can't change time. RIP David Bowie."

"If you could be any animal what would you be?"

"A giraffe."

"Why a giraffe?"

"Um why else but to fight other giraffes?"

The man stared at her, "At is all?"

"Yea, what else are they good for. I mean they ain't no lion but their fights are epic." Anzu shook her head suddenly, "I WANNA BE A DINOSAUR!"

"You can't-"

"I can! You said any one I want!"

"One living please."

"No!"

"Why!"

"They are big and strong and cool. And I could Roar! And I could be cast in Jurassic Park!"

He rubbed his temples, "Okay."

"Okay!"

"Leave."

"You can't kick me out. At least I got a job kid, you're in college and leaching off mommy and daddy. Get on my level, son!" She slapped his tie into his face.

* * *

The Case of Akefia Quershi

"Hi, Akefia."

"Hn." He grunted.

"I'm just going to-"

"Get on with the damn questions!" The Egyptian yelled.

"...okay. Do you find yourself often feeling any emotion more than others?"

"Rage. Pure rage."

"A very strong emotion to feel."

"Or hatred. I hate a lot of things."

"Are you sure you are not confusing it with dislike-"

Akefia growled, "Dislike is it upsets or disgusts you. Hatred is wanting it to burn in flames of hell, while being ripped apart to nothing but a pathetic beating piece of meat called a heart."

The psychologist stared at him long and hard, "Yes, that is hatred. When do you feel this way the most?"

"Y'know other people's happiness, joy...name calling."

"Name calling?"

"Like Old Man, Spear chucker...Scarface!" He slammed his fist on the table making the mam jump out of his seat.

"Well okay! Alright there."

The grey haired man panted.

"If you could be any animal you wanted, what animal would you be?"

"God."

"God is not an animal."

"He got a spirit, don't he? Only things that got souls are animals. Therefore I want to be a god."

"..."

...

"The next question is Have you ever thought about committing suicide?"

"For myself? Not really."

"...Well naturally I have to ask if not for yourself then who else?"

"I've recommended it."

"You recommended suicide?"

"Yes."

"On what circumstances would you...recommend suicide?"

"Two words: Yami Muto."

"Your boss? Why would you recommend it to him?"

He smirked, "Homicide is illegal."

"Okay this is over!"

* * *

The Case of Joey Wheeler

"Hi Joey."

"How did you know my name?'

"...Your name tag?"

" hey!"

"Yes. Have you ever had any psychological treatment."

"No. Wait, does this count?"

"No. This an evaluation."

"Ohhh. Kay!"

"Have you ever thought of committing suicide?"

"No. But I did shoot my toe off in an attempt at getting worker's comp. Did not work because I shot off my sixth toe so I actually just made things better."

The man looked at him and decided it was pointless to let him elaborate, "If you could be an animal you wanted what animal would you be?"

"A mix between an eagle and a wolverine. Or an eagle that at night becomes a wolverine! Like a were-wolverine that in the day is an eagle."

"Wha?"

"An eagle who was bit by a were-wolverine and now turns into one at night."

"I'm sure that is highly is your greatest weakness?"

He thought about it, "Cheetos. Fried not baked."

"Has Cheetos ever made you slip up at work?"

"Yea, a lot actually. Like sometimes the cheese residue left on ma fingers makes things hard. Like holding a pen, typing, dialing the phone. And Yami is always mad because of the mess it makes in the office."

"So what could you do to prevent this?"

Joey shrugged, "They could change the recipe?"

"So you would like they change the entire recipe so the dust does not get on your fingers?"

"Yea."

"That is your solution? Not just remove the residue from your fingers. Or not eating cheetos at work."

"Why ask a question that you clearly already have answered!"

"To see your solution-"

"You heard my fucking solution! Cheetos has not taken into account those in our line of work. It's a hazard! So I will write them a letter!"

"...I would love to see that. Please CC me the letter you send to the Cheetos company about Heh the recipe so it's better for office workers to hold their pens." He laughed.

"Why are you laughing! This is serious! Fuck you my idea is going places! You'll see!"

* * *

"Hello, Ms. Mai."

"Hi, dear."

"Just gonna ask some questions. How would you think your coworkers view you?"

"Uhhh...oh! Fun loving. Good time gal. But they're jealous of me and I don't blame them." She smiled.

"Okay? Why would you say that?"

"Because it's hard working with someone who is beautiful and talented like me."

"What do you do exactly?" He asked.

"Answer calls. Organize files. Clean a bit. Make sure everyone is during their jobs. I'm like a supervisor of sorts."

The man blinked, "Really? That's quite a bit. Let me just look a the bio Yami gave me for you."

"Yami?"

" _Lazy, incompetent. Talks on the phone all day but can't dial a single client's number for business. I'd but an automated system to replace her if her cleavage didn't get us more customers._ "

The blonde woman gawked, "That-"

"He also kinda told me to not let you in because you shouldn't be working here. Therefore not a real employee."

She stood up. "I'll kill him."

The young man followed her outside the room where they saw Yami talking to Malik.

"Hey asshole!"

Both men looked up, pissed off.

"Yami!" She ran forward, tackling him off his feet.

"Oh my." Malik looked away, sipping his tea.

"You little weasel!"

He couldn't really say anything with her choking him. Akefia took a quick picture, "Yugi! There's fighting in the main room."

The tiny man ran in with the phone book of justice. A heavy duty phone book with the power to stop any fight that occurred in the office. He chucked the book at the back of Mai's head, knocking her completely unconscious.

"Heh. Justice always prevails!" Yugi smiled.

Everyone promptly clapped.

* * *

The Case of Bakura Touzoku

"Hi, Mr. Bakura."

"If I have a therapist already do I have to this?"

"Well this is a test not really a session. Just a few general questions to see how sane the common people are."

"Hn, okay." He nodded.

"...you seem rather normal?"

"Your point?"

"Sorry I've just haven't had very sane people yet."

He grunted.

"Okay, you stated that you went to therapy before."

"Yes, weekly."

"What for?"

"I have some issues." He shrugged.

"Like?"

Bakura scratched his head, "Uh. Fits of depression, psychotic episodes, lack of remorse or guilt."

"Quite the list."

"Yup." He pulled out his phone, "Doc calls me a Psychopath without knife. He says it means I'm virtually fine unless provoked."

"Are you texting someone?"

"Malik, my coworker. Asked me how's the test."

"Are you friends?"

"Yes. Another reason I go therapy. Apparently I have a obsession with him."

"Obsession? So you are romantically attracted to him?"

"Romantically, Sexually, Emotionally, Unconsciously, Sadly attracted to him."

"Why sadly?"

"Two wrongs don't make a right. And we are both very very wrong. He's definitely crazier than me."

"You seem fine."

"Mood stabilizers. A lot of em." He said, scrolling on his phone.

"What would you sat is your greatest weakness?"

"Uhhh. Anger? Psychotic tendencies? I don't know. Myself in general."

The young man nodded, "Why do you say?"

"I get in my own way. Nothing can truly stop a person expect themselves and death. Death shouldn't even really stop you."

"What a point."

"Hn."

"Since you do have this dependency on Malik do you find that a weakness?"

"Not really. Doesn't get in the way of my daily life."

* * *

Akefia shook his head, "Liar."

* * *

"Anyway, my therapist says to stop being around him so much."

"Why?"

He sighed "We're crazy. Aren't you listening?"

"Yes. Here's another question. Do you ever feeling one emotion over the others more often?"

"Hmmm. I feel lonely usually."

"Do you you know why?"

"Doc says it's the depression. I don't trust anyone. I dont believe they actually like me or care. Oh well! Anymore questions? Malik is rushing me to get my coffee while it's hot."

"Uh, no that's fine. Just are you sure you're taking the right amount of medicine?"

"Yea, why?"

"You have no emotions while speaking."

The man shrugged, "It's for the best. If I'm not drugged up, people get hurt."

* * *

The Case of Ryou Williams

"Beware! He just watched Cake Boss." Akefia threw him in the room.

"Hi Ryou."

"Hi! Quick question! Do I have to yknow," He clicked his tongue making a jerking gesture with his hand.

"Masturbate? No, you will be asked to do so."

"Okay because we took a few other tests where we had to jerk off."

"Not at any point in this test you will have to masturbate."

"Got it."

"Okay. What words would your coworkers use to describe you?"

"Tough one straight off the bat. Uhh, they would say I'm funny, I'm young, I love occult. They would say I am pretty dang nice."

"Okay. Do you have any-"

"Can you remove that donut from the table?"

The man looked up from his clipboard, "The donut?"

"It's that I uh...am on a diet."

"Oh, sorry." He moved it behind his brief case.

"Thanks. What was the question?"

"Do you have weaknesses? But I already see that food is one."

"Yea. A big one!"

"So you really like food."

"More than I love sex!"

"Would you call it a dependence?"

"Sure whatever. I need it to survive so yea. I depend on it a lot." Ryou laughed.

"Would you say you are an introvert or extrovert?"

"Uhhhh. Introvert who has been forced to be an extrovert by the sad reality that is adulthood."

The man blinked, "That was dark."

"Like the chocolate on that donut. Are you going to eat it?"

"But you're on a diet?"

"I can break it a bit. And she's calling my name."

"Who exactly?"

"Sheila. The donut. She's saying _Ryou! Ryou! Come to me darling!"_

"Sheila?"

 _"Ryou, I want you~ I want your hot tongue in my tight circular hole_

"I'm in a committed polygamist relationship. I love Kek and Miho!"

 _" Ryou. How would they know? C'mon just a little nip. A love bite or two?_

"Damn, you're tempting. I really want you-"

 _Then come and get me big boy!"_

He threw the brief case to the ground and stole the donut, "I have some business to attend to. Try and keep this on the down low."

The man stared at him, disgusted.

* * *

The Case of Yugi Muto

"Hi Yugi."

"Hello nice to meet you."

"I am going to ask a few questions. Answer as best as you can."

"Have you ever gone to any type of therapy before?"

"Couples therapy with my ex but that wasn't long."

"Mr. Yami I presume?"

"Correct. But other than that, I have no other therapy."

"Alright."

"Do you have any weaknesses?"

"I'm a workiholic."

"Why do you think you work so hard?"

"My dwarfism gives me ADHD. So I stay busy."

"That is good yet isn't it destructive to your stress levels."

"If I don't do it, who is?"

"Yami."

"Pfft!" He laughed, "Sorry but no. That's not realistic, he can't work to save his life."

"He's the boss."

"Of his office lounge seat. I'd like to see him actually do what he is supposed to for once. If he could run this place for a week by himself without my help, I'd marry the fool."

Yami kicked in the door, "Deal!"

"Were you listening to my interview?"

"Yes!" He stated, proud, "And that's a deal! I work without you for oneweek entire week then we get married."

"I doubt you can do it."

Joey walked by casually, "Don't underestimate crazy, Yug."

"Wanna shake on it?"

Yugi stared at his hand.

"C'mon, boy. Won't you shake a poor sinner's hand?"

The small man grab his hand. He would win afterall. Wouldn't he?

"Are ya ready!~"

Joey and Anzu ran in, "Are ya ready!" They sung with him.

"Are ya READY!...I hope you're satisfied!"

He backed away, "But if you ain't, don't blame me! You can blame my friends on the other siiiiiide~"

"Ya got ya wanted!" Joey exclaimed.

"But ya lost what you had!" Anzu sung.

They all exited, "Man I love the princess and the frog."

"I know right!"

* * *

The Spirit Crushing Case of Malik Ishtar

"Hi, how are you-"

"Oh my gods! Do I have to be here? I see like 3 shrinks a week!"

"It's not therapy, just a analysis or test-"

"Ha! That's what the shrink said too next thing I knew I'm in the asylum with a straight jacket and they're telling me I'm crazy!"

"Sir-"

"I'm not crazy!" He slammed his hands on the table.

"...okay. It's okay. Just calm down a bit. Deep breaths."

The blonde sighed, crossing his arms, "I'm fine."

"Okay. I just want to say I do not have the ability to have you taken away. This simply is put on file and can only be accessed by you or your therapist with your permission."

He nodded, "Fine then. Proceed with your questions."

"Ahem. Do you feel most comfortable around people or alone?"

"Around people. I shouldn't be left alone."

"Why?"

"The thoughts come back when I'm not distracted."

"The thoughts?"

"Yea. The voices taunt me. They get very loud when I'm alone."

"What do they say?"

"Heh. They call me weak! They say I'm a pathetic little girl with no one who loves them. It's quite frustrating. They could at least call me a boy."

"And you've discussed this with your therapist?"

"Plenty of times. They say I got a schizoactive disorder. Crazy right?"

The man blinked, "Are you supposed to be hospitalized for that?"

"Some are. I'm not because I function well enough in society." He stated, looking at his phone, "Ooo, look my old college boyfriend just posted a dick pic!" He flashed his phone in the man's face.

"Gah! Ew!"

Malik laughed, "Can't believe he actually got it pierced! What a shmuck!"

"Sir, please put that away so he can finish this and I can go home."

"Someone is kinda snippy. Fine, next question!"

"...Do you feel one emotion more over the others?"

"Hmmm. HMMMM. Hm. Hm. Hm."

"Sir-"

"Probably, hysterica."

"Hysterica? Is that an emotion?"

"Well that's what I feel." He tapped his phone, "I don't really know how true that is!"

* * *

Bakura held up his phone to the camera, playing a video.

 _"Malik what's wrong?"_

 _"Nothing."_

 _"Somethings wrong."_

 _"YOU JUST HEARD ME SAY IT WAS NOTHING! YOU'RE SUCH AN ASSHOLE!" Malik sobbed, throwing a bottle of wine at him._

He clicked away from that to another video.

 _"Why are you crying?"_

 _"I DON'T KNOW!" He screamed, running from the camera, "STOP FOLLOWING ME!"_

 _"Why are you crying!"_

 _"BECAUSE I CAN!"_

 _"You're ugly when you cry."_

 _Malik stopped, picking up the object closest to him: a lamp, "I'M GORGEOUS AT ALL TIMES!" He swung the lamp._

The video immediately cut off. "Hysterical to say the least."

* * *

"Have you ever experienced substance abuse?"

"Like alcohol or drugs?"

"Yes."

Malik twirled his hair on his finger, "My therapist says I have an alcohol dependence."

"Really?"

"Yea but I don't see I it!"

* * *

Bakura lifted up his phone again.

 _"Bakura! Bakura! Put the fucking phone down for a second. Where's my scotch?"_

 _"You drunk it."_

 _"What? The fuck I did! Give me back my bottle!"_

 _"I don't have it. You drunk it."_

 _"You have one more chance."_

 _"Malik, you drunk it all!-"_

 _The blonde punched his fist through his old, ugly computer, "Have fun masturbating without your precious gay porn!"_

"Alcoholic indeed. Joke's on him, I masturbate to pictures of him."

* * *

"I smoke weed on occasion."

"What occasion?"

"Whenever I feel like it. So occasionally."

The man took a deep breath, "Are you trying to be difficult?"

"Want to sing with me?"

"No actually."

"I'll sing for you then! Ooo, what about some Melanie Martinez!"

"Who-"

"I'm peeling the skin off my face

Cause I really hate being safe

The normals they make me afraid

The crazies they make me feel sane,"

"I'm nuts, baby, I'm mad

The craziest friend that you've ever had

You think I'm psycho, you think I'm gone

Tell the psychiatrist something is wrong

Over the bend, entirely bonkers

You like me best when I'm off my rocker

Tell you a secret, I'm not alarmed

So what if I'm crazy, the best people are."

The man stared at him highly shocked.

"All the best people are crazy, all the people are...Hey, kid. Maybe psychology ain't your thing. You don't have it in your eyes."

"What in my eyes?"

"Sadism. They're the only people who can deal with psychos. You won't last a day in the asylum."

"I just want to help-"

"Help by being a therapist or guidance counselor. You can't help us. You're not ruthless enough. You can't break a person's will, you're a softie."

"You don't break a person's will, you guide them onto the right path."

The man brushed his blonde hair away from his face, "Horse shit."

"How would you know?"

"Here's something they won't teach you in your college course." He leaned in close, "The crazy don't want to be sane. They like themselves just the twisted way they are. Dysfunctional, outcasts of society. We have our own world. The only way to bring us back is to destroy that world. Can you break down a man's barriers enough to convert him to normal standards? Will you steal everything from him until he's a heaping puddle of sadness? Will you bring him back to this dark cruel world where no one loves him anymore? Can you do that, kid?"

The young man stared at the table, feeling a pain in his chest "...no."

"I know. Give it a rest, kid. It's better for the both of us." Malik frowned, "Aw don't cry about it! Geez, maybe I was too rough. Here, take this piece of gum. It's sweet and minty." He put it on the table.

"T-Thanks."

"Aw, poor thing. Good luck with the rest of college!" He ruffled his hair then left.

* * *

"Malik."

"Wha did I do?" He stared in his compact mirror, reapplying his kohl.

"The boy was in tears. What did you say?!"

"I gave him life advice!"

Yami growled, "You can't give life advice Malik, you're crazy!"

"I know right?"

"Stop being proud in that! Geez, what if we don't get paid!"

"Hn."

Bakura sat down next to him, "You told him he wasn't up to par?"

"Yup."

"Good. He can't tell a lunatic."

Malik smiled, "You lied to the poor boy that you're somewhat sane?"

"He looked weak. Didn't want him to cry."

"Aw. Wuss!"

"Whore."

"Touché. I just used guilt. The psychological effects it has on a person's choices are comedic. All it takes is a bit of reevaluation from a different perspective for a person to give up completely."

"You know I forget you studied to be a psychologist."

"Never got there though. Gave my scholarship to some jock who tackle people better than he could tie his own shoes."

"Bitter huh?"

"Bitter is pitiable. I'm spiteful. Oh well, time to clock out!"

Bakura nodded, "Let's go home, crazy."

"You're crazy!"

* * *

They sat in the parking lot. Bakura played his guitar. Malik lit his cigarette in the hobo bonfire. Anzu was crying as Joey patted her back. Yugi glanced at his watch wondering when this would end. Yami held himself, rocking himself to stay warm. Mai filed her nails. Akefia growling, angry at having to make the fire.

Ryou opened his mouth, "This is for you! We love you David Bowie! Major Tom to ground control!

I'm stepping through the door

And I'm floating in a most peculiar way

And the star look very different today

For here and I'm sitting in a tin can

Far from the world

Planet Earth is blue and there's nothing I can do."

"NOT BOWIE! TAKE MY LANDLORD INSTEAD!" Anzu yelled.

Joey shut her up.

"RIP Bowie. Talented bastard." Malik closed his eyes, shivering.

"WE LOVE YOU BOWIE!" Yami screamed, "Now will you motherfuckers go home! Geez, it's fucking cold as balls."

* * *

 **Don't forget to say if you want any specific scene from the Office. Or anything else funny you'd like to see! But also remember to review, favorite and follow! Thanks!**


	17. Cupcakes and Paintings

**Hey! Welcome back. You are looking great today. No you are, don't give me that crap, hun.**

 **This is a request from a guest! It is the funneral episode. Yay! Hope you enjoy this chapter. I tried not to stray far from the script so sorry if it sounds weird or boring reading it instead of hearing and seeing the banter.**

 **Enjoy!**

* * *

"Rebecca is back!"

Akefia threw his hot tea on Yami's head, "Do you ever have good news?"

"Do you ever have a good day?"

"No.'

"I see. Guys! Listen she has cupcakes!"

Ryou jolted in his seat, "Ah~"

"Did you just cream your pants? Clean it up!"

He slumped, "Let me sit in the afterglow."

Malik hit him, "Ryou!"

"I'm going geez!"

Bakura shook his head, "Nasty. Teach him better manners."

"I try Bakura! I don't see you trying!"

"I'm not his mother. You are."

"Like hell I am!" The blonde scoffed, "I-"

"Smell like lilac!" Teà shouted.

"Yes I do but I also did not agree to having a child a few years younger than me! I agreed to-"

"Sleeping with Martha Stewart!" Joey yelled.

"Yes but I only did it for her furniture set!"

Bakura blinked. Did he really fuck her for their furniture?

Yami banged his fist on the desk, "Conference room!"

Everyone stood up, dragging themselves to the damned conference room. Rebecca stood there waiting with a smile on her face, "Hello!"

Anzu walked up to her, "Medical lady, quick question! I have a bump ya know down low! Is it an Std or what?" She whipped out a picture on her phone.

"GAHHHH! PUT THAT AWAY!"

"You're a medical student! Is this normal! Will I die!"

Joey nodded, "I saw it, it's like a red color. Is Anzu dying?"

Yugi frowned, "Geez Teà it's a irritated ingrown hair from shaving. Stop sending me and Joey your vaginal regions."

"So I'm not dying?"

"Nope just a hypocondriaque."

"Woo!" She laughed.

Her and Joey high fived, "Cheating death again, at a girl!"

Yami pushed them into seats.

Bakura raised an eyebrow, "Eager much?"

"Hehe you'll see why."

Rebecca stood at the front of the room, "Good morning, everyone."

"Mm." The room groaned.

Mai frowned, "Why are you here?"

"To apologize."

Everyone stared at her even Malik gave her his attention.

"Yes my prior behavior was inappropriate and unprofessional over the years. Sometimes even agressive."

Anzu nodded.

"I've been a jerk. You don't have to accept my apology but I'd love it if you did. I've been going to therapy and I'm a better person now."

"That is very adult of you. Thank you." Yugi smiled.

"Now I have to apologize. Mai, I want to apologize for judging you for your décollage."

Joey blinked, "The fuck is that?"

"Cleavage." Bakura explained.

"Ohh."

"Yes. I should have never insulted you based on your clearly worked on body. You can't help most of your body is silicone."

Mai visibly showed she was confused, "Was that even an apology?"

"Malik!"

He jumped out of his sleep, "Where's the fire."

"I'm sorry for the bickering we have. And uploading that embarrassing photo of you behind the dumpster."

"THAT WAS YOU! I WAS THROWING UP!" He screamed.

Yami snapped his fingers, "Bakura."

Said man wept the blonde off his feet, "Let's go."

"Ooo~ Someone's been working out!"

"Don't fuck out there! Bakura you come back afterwards."

"Fine."

" I'd like to apologize with these cupcakes from Lil Mimi's"

Ryou panted, "Not Lil Mimi!"

"Yes, I have been on the list for awhile and I thought why not bring them in for you guys."

The albino leaned on Akefia, "Is it wrong to want to kiss a minor?"

"Hmm. Well Malik dated a 50 year old man freshman year."

"College is for experimenting."

"Our freshman year in high school."

Joey looked at him from across the room, "Was he the one who broke him?"

"Guys shut up!" Yami yelled, "Rebecca is apologizing! Go ahead."

She stared at him. "...sure. Yami."

"Yes? Yes?!"

"I'm sorry for the trouble I cause you. For constantly attacking you, harassing you, and also getting you hammered on the fourth of July when you-"

"Shush! I forgive-"

She shook her head, "When you ripped your speedo at the children's amusement park but you still walked around singing Ke$ha songs."

Yami stared at her.

" So once again I'm dearly sorry. Please take these as a sign of my apology. Truly, I'm sorry."

* * *

"Yea, I'm real fucking sorry. Sorry I didn't shove my foot up Yami's ass! But I got him back. Hah! I spent 6 hours carefully removing the icing then layering in various drugs, some laxatives, some constapate, some legal, some not. You don't mess with a Class-A Bitch." She smirked, "Especially not this one."

* * *

"I don't think we should eat her shit." Yami growled.

"What? Bitch you playing games!" Ryou yelled.

Mai nodded, "She's a bitch, we shouldn't accept her stupid apology."

Bakura smirked, "Her bitchiness might spoil the food."

"Hey Malik is a bitch too but we devour his shit!" Ryou continued to argue. He had to. The cupcakes were calling him.

"True, I am in fact a bitch. But I am a bad bitch. There's a difference."

"I agree with the fact he is a bad bitch." Bakura stated.

"Here, here!" Joey nodded.

"Definitely a bad bitch." Anzu laughed.

Yami slammed his gavel, "All who agree say Hell yea."

The room promptly Hell yea-ed.

Ryou pulled his hair, "Let's eat the damn cupcakes in celebration!"

"No!"

"FUCK!"

Akefia sadly looked at Ryou. He was desperate, sweaty and pathetic. "We don't have forgive her at all. Eating the cupcakes will be for our enjoyment, not her réconciliation."

"Akefia?"

"Papa, you're sticking up for me!"

"I'm not your father, I just want a cupcake!"

Yami sighed, "I guess it's fine then. Everyone come-"

Ryou leapt into the air. Yugi pushed the box across the table, "Get in an orderly line, Elton John." The young man pulled his face off the desk, "I'm not that gay."

"So you say."

Everyone got their cupcake, except Malik and Yugi.

"Not hungry?"

"I'm saving mine." Yugi smiled.

"I don't eat food made by other bitches. It's usually poisoned."

Ryou happily took his. They ate their little treat with smiles.

"Aw, B-man don't tell me you like those cupcakes better than mine?" Malik pouted.

"Course not, your cupcakes are the best in town, mon chéri."

"Vraiment mon amour? Combien tu m'aimes?"

"Un amouréternel. Un amour fou. Unamour impossible. Desamours tumultueuses." Bakura kissed his hand.

Malik smirked, "Oh lá, lá."

Akefia groaned, "They've turned into Gomez and Morticia Addams."

Ryou ignored them, shoving chocolate goodness in his mouth, "Mmmm~ mmmm- GAK!" He choked on the piece of heavenly goodness. Joey shook his head in panic, "Should I harvest his organs!"

"No!"

Anzu ran to help poor Ryou but he pushed her away, trying to swallow it instead. He made the most disgusting gagging noise. He finally gulped it down.

...

"That was really fucking good." He continued eating, somewhat ruining everyone's appetite.

* * *

"Goodmorning!" Yugi smiled as he came in.

"Shut up." Mai growled.

"Wha?"

"We don't care what you do but shut the fuck up." Joey groaned, slumped over his desk.

"Did I do something? What's wrong?"

"Yugi, Rebecca laced the cupcakes." Anzu explained.

"Is she crazy?"

"Obviously. Did you think diarrhea or stopped up?" Mai asked.

Ryou sighed, "Both."

Bakura groaned, "I fertilized a few bushes on the way here."

Malik shook his head, "In front of Amane's daycare. The children screamed. Amane cried." He brushed Bakura's hair, "They're gonna kick her out."

Anzu teared up, "Last night I took out all my Anime figurines. I bought all the characters from about 3 series."

Joey flinched, "What anime?"

"They were all sports anime."

So many characters!

"It was thousands of dollars." She sobbed, "I'm bankrupt."

Yugi shook his head, sadly, "Poor Anzu. Yami how was your night?"

"My night..." He glanced at Akefia, "Perfect. Akefia how was yours."

He looked back at Yami, "My night was great."

"Really, that's great."

"Just peachy."

* * *

 _"Your cousin got a fat ass!" Akefia yelled, running through the office._

 _Yami pulled tape from the dispenser, "It's sticky!"_

 _Akefia ran into a chair, flipping onto his back._

 _"Hehe, I'm the sticky king!" He screamed, covered in tape._

* * *

 _They stared in each other's eyes, only a few inches away._

 _"Give it up."_

 _"Never. Never gonna give you up. Never gonna let you down. Never gonna turn around desert you." He whispered with a face devoid of emotion._

 _"Never gonna make you cry, never gonna say goodbye, never gonna tell a lie and hurt you." Akefia spoke monotonous._

 _They sat there for minutes until-_

 _"No I'm never gonna dance again, guilty feet ain't got no rhythm though it's easy to pretend, I know your not a fool."_

 _"Should have known better than to cheat a friend, the wasted chance that I've been given. So I'm never gonna dance again the way I danced with you."_

 _..._

 _..._

 _They both got up doing a saxophone gesture, not breaking eye contact._

 _"Do do do do do do do do, do do do do doooo."_

* * *

 _They switched shirts, giddy._

 _"Hey look it's a new dress!" Yami fell laughing._

 _Akefia ripped through the shirt, "HULK SMASH!" He lifted a chair and fell over._

* * *

 _"How much glitter do you think I can get up my ass?" Yami asked, staring at said bottle._

 _"I dunno. All of it!"_

 _"Okay!" He walked to the bathroom, with the bottle._

* * *

Yami winced a little, "Everyone take a nap." He limped into his office.

Yugi felt awful, "I'm going throw mine out!" He walked over to the trash. Ryou stopped him, taking it. He took of the paper.

"Ryou, you can't eat that, it has-"

"I know...I know." He walked away to the break room.

Malik pinched his temples in frustration, "That boy."

* * *

Kek looked over at his sister, "You sure you want this in here?"

"Yes." She said with normally stern expression.

"It doesn't really match your furniture or anything. The colors are off-"

"It want it to stand out."

He glanced at her again. Raven hair tied into a bun, dark blue dress reaching the floor. She sighed, "I like it."

"Thanks, sister."

"I'm proud of you. You and Malik. You're great men."

He didn't like she added his name, "Thank you."

"Something I contributed nothing to...excuse me." She turned to exit the room.

"Sister, I don't blame you." He spoke, "I can't speak for Malik but I forgive you."

She glanced back at him, "Thank you...but I can't forgive myself for abandoning you." She left.

Kek looked back at the painting. Him, Isis and Malik smiling together. It seemed like a too good fantasy.

* * *

 **Aw, sorry to end it in a kinda sad note but this kinda has some plot. It's a shocker to me too. I'm on making this story 26-30 chapters long. It's gotta end somewhere right. Don't worry I might make a epilogue afterwards or something.**


	18. Problems and Fluff

**Ew Plot! Sorry guys, this is a more plot based chapter. Next one is going to be almost entirely comedy.**

 **Enjoy~**

* * *

"Amane! Keep up, dear!" Malik called behind him.

Her and Bakura struggled to keep up with mountains of bags in their vision.

"Did you need to buy so much."

"Darling! I got my income tax! I want nice shit! Ooo, jewelry!"

Bakura groaned. The blonde rushed in, forgetting them. The both ran into the door.

"Malik!" They groaned.

"How did you do this on your own?" Amane sighed.

"I played sick."

"Smart."

"When are you going home?"

She blinked, "When Malik finds my father?" She glared at him.

"Will he be able to or are you shitting us? He's researched your father, nothing popped up. You're lying to us."

"No I just don't know! I'm a kid."

He rolled his eyes, "A kid who I've noticed can read 7th grade literature."

She stayed silent.

"You have to go home."

"I…I didn't completely lie. I'm here for my father but… I've never met him. My mom and he had me yet split. Mom doesn't even notice I'm gone with her new boyfriend." She fiddled with the buttons on her dress, "I promise I'll go back just want to meet him." Her little voice trembled.

He stared at the little girl, trying to be mature. She sniffled, blinking away the tears.

"Okay. You have to let us know everything you know. That's the only way we can find him, or I can get you out my damn house."

She giggled, "Alright."

"And stop sniffling, you look like a child."

She laughed, "Okay!"

"I don't want any fucking little wimps in my home."

"Okay."

He scoffed, sitting up. He took out a cigarette and a lighter.

"Hello, Sir, would you like one of our flyers. We are having a car wash to support our school's cheerleading team-"

He promptly set the flyer aflame with his lighter, "No. I hate the youth." He started to smoke.

The girl screamed, throwing the paper off of her unto the makeshift flyer stand. The whole table went in flames. Amane covered her mouth in shock.

She looked into the store for Malik. He was arguing with a guy who was more flashy than he. She saw the blonde hop on the other man.

"What's wrong with you both!"

Malik stormed out moments later, "And if I see yo broke RuPaul ass around here again Imma merc you son! Hey what happened out here." He blinked.

Bakura shrugged, "Who was that?"

As soon as he said that Malik promptly kicked him in the balls, "That stripper hoe named Diamond!" He screamed, stomping off.

Amane looked at him, awkwardly, "Uh,"

"Oh god." He groaned.

The cheerleader was still screaming her head off.

"Not that stripper hoe named Diamond!"

* * *

 _Malik scratched his neck, "Ishizu! You're braiding too tight!" He whined, sitting on the floor as his sister roughly plaited his hair._

 _She hit his shoulder, "Shut up!" She pulled up her tank top straps, "Just be happy I'm doing your hair, I got shit to do."_

 _They looked up at a knock at the door._

" _Boy go get the door."_

" _My hair not done!"_

 _She growled, kicking him, "Worthless!" His sister stomped past him._

 _Another loud knock._

" _Hold your shit in buddy!" She swung open the door to see Akefia and Bakura, "The fuck you knocking on my door like the police for!"_

" _Hi, Ishizu." They grumbled._

" _What you want!"_

" _Is Malik home?" Akefia asked._

" _Where the fuck else would he be! No job, no school, no nothing."_

" _You're not supposed to use two negatives together or it makes it positive in grammar-"_

 _She slammed the door in his face. He knocked on it again._

" _Why don't you just page him beforehand!"Bakura groaned._

" _He doesn't pick it up." He knocked louder._

 _Ishizu opened it, swinging her fists at him. He dodged her, throwing the small woman over his shoulder._

" _Put me down!"_

" _Shut up." He walked in the house. Bakura followed behind, ignoring Ishizu's death glare._

" _Hey Mal."_

" _Heeey!" He grinned, "Shizu is doing my hair."_

" _I see, you nappy headed freak."_

 _The blonde threw a pillow at him, "Shut up. Bakura did you get the stuff I asked for!"_

" _Yup."_

 _Ishizu jumped from Akefia, pushing his face away, "What stuff!"_

 _The albino lifted up the six pack._

" _No! No drinking in my-"_

 _He handed her a bottle of wine._

"… _I'll finish your hair then you guys can have some fun."_

 _She sat back down on the couch, continuing to braid his hair. After 30 minutes of screaming and kicking, she finished and left to do 'something worth her time'._

 _Malik whimpered, "Am I bleeding?"_

 _Bakura rolled his eyes, "No."_

" _You sure?"_

" _Yes."_

 _Akefia popped open a can of beer, "Stop being a bitch!"_

 _Malik smirked, "Shut up before I shoot you, asshole!"_

" _With what? You ain't got shit."_

" _Really!" He dug under the couch and pulled out a gun._

" _Woah."_

" _Mhm. Ishizu got it. Said some shit about protection. Looks awesome though!" He smirked, snickering._

 _Bakura snatched it, "Woah it's real! Hah, this is cool!"_

" _I know! Wanna hold it Akefia- Akefia?"_

 _He sat still, staring at the weapon._

" _Akefia, you okay?"_

" _Yea…put it under the couch again."_

" _You look pale."_

" _Put it under the couch!"_

 _Bakura shoved it under the couch, "You okay?"_

" _Yea. Of course." He said all too quickly._

 _They sat awkwardly._

 _Malik patted his sore head, "So…wanna hit the strip club?"_

" _Sure."_

 _They all got up._

* * *

 _Akefia stared at the strippers, bored, "Atem is so much cuter."_

 _His friends gave him a shocked look, "You like Atem!"_

" _Yea, I guess."_

" _But you argue!"_

" _I know."_

" _But you fight!"_

" _I know."_

" _He never gave you the window seat!"_

 _The young yet still gray haired man slammed his fist on the table, "That's the worst. But I…" He sighed._

" _Eww!" They looked, pitifully at him._

" _Are you children! Grow up."_

 _The waitress came over, "Look grown to me. You wouldn't be minors would you?"_

" _Nooo." They clearly lied._

" _Mhm boys. How are you?"_

" _Good, what's the theme today?" Bakura asked._

" _Fantasy! I'm a dark magician!"_

 _Akefia scoffed, "Baby blue definitely screams the dark arts."_

" _Grumpy as always. Here's your usual. Beer for Bakura,"_

" _Thank you."_

" _A fruity gay drink for Malik."_

" _Hey!"_

" _And a stone cold vodka for grumpy bear."_

" _Thanks…dark magician girl."_

 _She rolled her eyes, "Whatever."_

" _Do you stuff your bra with socks or tissues? My sister uses both, they look awful." Malik said, absent-minded._

" _I stuff my boobs with silicone."_

" _I'll tell her to do that!"_

 _She laughed, "She'll destroy you. Tell her I said hi."_

" _Kay!"_

" _Oh and Bakura we got a new stripper. One I'd think you'll like." She walked off._

 _Bakura shrugged, "Hopefully."_

 _Malik kicked his legs, "Why do you even like strippers? I don't get it."_

" _Maybe when you one day become a man you'll know."_

" _Haha. Very funny. I am a man!"_

" _Mhm okay." He chuckled._

 _The blonde crossed his arms, "No seriously-"_

 _Akefia shushed him, "Here comes the hoes."_

" _But-"_

 _They glared at him. He huffed, shutting his mouth. The men in the club howled and cheered._

" _Let's welcome our new dancer, Diamond!" The dark magician girl exclaimed into the microphone._

 _A gorgeous beauty strolled out on stage clad in leather. Bakura smirked, watching intently._

 _Akefia was looking at his pager._

 _Malik felt extremely bored, "Gonna go get some air."_

" _Mhm."_

 _Time passed and the show was over._

" _That was amazing!"_

 _Akefia grunted in response, "Atem paged me that I'm a fart."_

" _Diamond is the best I've ever seen."_

" _Why is he calling me a fart?"_

 _They both looked at Malik to answer them._

…

" _Where's Malik!" He couldn't be left to his own devices!_

 _They ran around looking for the dumb blonde. Akefia looked under the dark magician girl's skirt, "Malik ya in there!"_

" _It's stretched out but not that stretched out." The girl rolled her eyes._

 _Bakura groaned, "Where could he be!"_

" _Outside with some guys. Saw em while taking out the trash."_

 _They ran out, 'forgetting' their bill._

" _I'm putting it on your tab!"_

 _Shit._

 _They searched around the parking lot until they heard loud laughing. They followed the noise to the topless convertible. A couple of guys were smoking and drinking, acting like fools._

" _Malik!" Bakura spotted him first. He was laughing like a hyena, leaning almost completely on some guy._

 _His friends rushed over to him, "Hey where were you?"_

 _He looked at him trying to focus, "Pffft! Where was I he asks!" He and the other guys laughed._

 _Akefia narrowed his eyes, smelling something…different, "Are you smoking weed?"_

 _The blonde laughed at him again, "Look at his face!"_

" _Malik!"_

" _Yea, yea, I'm smoking weed. Guess- pfft guess the name! It's Trinity. I'm not even Christian!" He fell over, cackling. Bakura caught him just in time._

" _Let's go we're leaving."_

" _Nooo! I'm gonna stay with my new friends! They won't leave me for Atem or stripper hoes named Diamond!"_

" _Malik, please let's just-"_

" _Can I get another hit of that guys!" He whined, "Pretty please?"_

" _Only if you show us something good~"_

" _Alrighty then!"_

 _Akefia had enough, he threw the idiot over his shoulder walking to the car._

" _Hey!"_

" _How much did you smoke?"_

" _Uhhh. Just Trinity and Candyland. They- haha, taste amazing. Can you get me some food?"_

" _It's like laughing gas." Bakura grunted._

 _They threw him in the back seat, trying to ignore his giggles._

* * *

Ever since Malik has blamed that stripper hoe named Diamond for the guys he was with taking embarrassing photos of him. If Diamond never took Bakura's attention away from him then he would have stayed in the strip club.

Bakura scratched his neck, "Well shit." He was going to have to fix this. But he was so tired and emotional drained of Malik's bullshit.

' _If you want to get laid this decade then I suggest you tough it out.'_

The things he did for the chance of sleeping with Malik.

"Uh you've been staring off into space for a hot minute. Almost done?"

"You didn't see the flashback?"

"No."

"The people reading got it."

She sighed, "Clue me in when the next scene comes."

* * *

"How can't you aim your own penis?" Akefia grunted, staring at the toilet seat.

"Dad!" Ammon yelled.

"Get a grip…on your dick."

He scoffed, "I'm 7, excuse me for not being able to aim right!"

"There is so much open area and you pee on the fucking seat! What sense does that make!"

The boy walked away, throwing his hands in the air.

"Bastard child." He grumbled. He looked around for Nubia, another brat.

Cai sat on the couch, watching cartoons.

"Baby boy."

He looked up, big eyes staring at him.

"Where's your sister?"

He pointed to the kitchen.

"Thanks."

Cai looked at him expectantly.

"My bad." The tall Egyptian bent over to kiss his forehead. The small boy bounced up and down on the sofa.

Akefia slowly appointed the kitchen. He did not want to see her mess.

"Snooby Nuby?"

Nubia giggled inside.

"Nubia?" He slowly walked in.

"I'm making a smoothie for us, daddy." She smiled.

"How sweet of you." He said.

"All I have to do is blend it!"

That actually sounded rather good right now, "Make sure you put the-" Strawberry banana smoothie slapped him across the face.

He sighed wiping his eyes. HIS BEAUTIFUL KITCHEN! He looked at the culprit.

Nubia stared at the blender then looked at herself, "WAHHHH!" She burst into tears, "I'M FILTHY DADDY!"

Akefia rolled his eyes and picked her up, "C'mon let's get you a bath."

"With bubbles?" She sniffled.

"Yes with bubbles."

She smiled, "Okay daddy." She was entirely too spoiled.

* * *

Ryou jogged alongside Miho and Kek in the park. They looked totally fine yet he looked like he just got out of the war.

"Do we have to do this?"

"Your sugar levels are through the roof! You need to take better care of yourself or-"

"Have an early death." Kek smirked.

The girl hit him, "So sinister!"

"Hm. Early death and cake or long life and no cake. Sign me up for the express train to hell."

Miho frowned, "No! I signed you up for a gym membership at the YMCA."

"No! I don't have time, I'm busy!"

"With what?"

He couldn't think of anything! Think! Think!

"Pornhub."

Kek burst into laughter, "Okay, Ryou."

"I am! I became an editor!"

Miho sighed, "Why do I try with you two?"

"Because we're cute!"

She giggled, "Sure I guess."

* * *

Anzu sat up, groggy as hell. She slammed her first in the clock, "Shut it." She pulled herself out of bed. It was a hot shiny day and she had no where to go or anyone to see. She put her Rudolph slippers on.

Days like these were actually a time to remember how lonely she was. No siblings, no friends, no parents. She shuffled into the living room to watch the Christmas en El Verano specials.

"Hey Tea- Oops, I mean Anzu."

"Hey, Joey." She sat on the couch, stretching out. She scratched her thigh, "Is this Charlie Brown Christmas?"

"Yea."

"Okay."

...

...

...

"WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE!"

He scratched his ass, "Chilling."

"HOW DID YOU GET IN HERE JOEY!"

"Window."

"I LIVE IN AN APARTMENT BUILDING, 6TH FLOOR JOEY!"

"I'm into rocking climbing."

She threw a couch pillow at him.

"Heh. Someone's in a great mood. I made breakfast."

"You used my kitchen too! Do you have no shame!"

He turned up the television over her yelling, "One of these fucking days, Charlie is going to kick the damn football and punch that bitch in the face for her shit all these years."

Anzu growled then stomped into her kitchen/dining room, "My god! So much food!"

"My family is Italian. We cook for families so not really used to small portions."

"Jesus Joey!"

"Hey, that's the Lord's name in vain! No, no. 2 hail Mary prayers for that sin."

"Whatever." She sat down, making her plate.

Joey sat up, looking over at her, "Where's your family?"

"No idea. Too busy with their own lives to come visit. Wouldn't want them to either with this shiner." She had fought with some girls from down the street. They kept teasing her and tugging at her bag. So she told them to fuck off! She was beaten pretty bad due to it being multiple girls but she broke a few noses!

"Your black eye ain't so bad, I got athletes foot."

Anzu stared at him, "Those are not related in any way."

"My foot is nastier than your fucking eye!"

"Is that supposed to make me feel better!"

"Yes!"

She groaned loudly, "You're so weird!"

"You're the weirdo!"

"What am I supposed to do with all this food!"

"Eat it bitch!"

"Fuck you!" She ate some pancakes. Joey could cook like a motherfucker. His food was delicious. Amazing if you will. He made too much of everything though!

"What are you doing today?"

Anzu sighed, "I don't know, just stay in the house."

"That's shitty."

"Oh well."

He stood up, "Finish eating then grab your bag."

"What?"

"You heard me." He walked into her hallway, "Gotta take a shit!"

She groaned. He was such a schmuck!

* * *

"Where are you taking me in my pajamas?"

"A whore house obviously. Don't you know onesies are a man's greatest weakness? Major turn on."

"Did you go to church today?"

"Hell yeah. Mass was awesome today! Father talked a ton about kindness and spreading love."

Anzu nodded, "That's nice."

"You should come."

She frowned, "No, Joey. I feel out of place in churches."

"Sins aren't shameful. They are human." He hummed a little jingle from the television.

Anzu recognized the old jiggle, "Got dressed, fed the dog, wrote about it on my blog. Didn't get a ticket on my commute!"

They both fake sobbed.

"Love that jiggle!" He laughed, parking his car.

"Joey. This is the mall."

"So?"

"Why are we-"

"Wrecking havoc. Everyone is at the shore or in nature so we get to have fun in an empty mall, Tea! Oops, I mean Anzu."

She shrugged, "It's fine."

He nodded, grabbing her arm, leading her to the vacant mall.

* * *

"Haha! One more time Pablo!" Joey cried from his noble stead on the Merry Go Round.

"Not again dammit!"

Anzu shot him in the forehead with the nerf gun, "C'mon Pablo!"

He growled, "Fuck it!" He screamed, turning the ride on again.

"WOOOO!" They cheered.

After 3 more rides they ran into the food court. They got a free sample from every person giving them then they switched coats, Anzu put Joey's hair in pigtails and he pulled the strings tight on her hoodie. They went around again getting more free samples with Joey as a girl and Anzu as a boy.

After that they ran to the closest costume store and bought the cheesiest fake mustaches they could find and returned to the food court, pissing off the workers enough to just give them all the food. They high fived, running away with their food haul.

"This is the life!" Joey laughed, plopping down in target.

"Yea!" Anzu giggled at the thought of the annoyed workers.

He sighed, "Finally some fun. This week was awful."

She nodded, "Work is a pain."

"Yea...Hey Anzu?"

"Hm?"

"I ain't…gonna be here much longer. My Ma is sick so I'm going back to New York."

She stared at him, "But you love it here."

"So? I gotta help Ma."

"What about Serenity?"

"She's busy with her new family. It's too much stress on 'er."

Anzu held her head in her hands, "You can't leave! Joey, we need you!"

"To be honest, I think you're the only one who'd care." Joey sighed, "You and Yugi, that is."

"Did you tell him?"

"Yea and boy did he get me good. He was furious. Yugi's a bit mature and grown over the years but he's still the same kid we played with in the sandbox."

"...Joey, we played in the sandbox last month."

"So much fucking fun by the way! Loved it!" Joey leaned against the toy rack.

She curled further into a ball, "I don't want you to go."

"Hey buddy, I'll still be here. In spirit."

"I want you here in person."

"Too fucking bad!" He laughed, flicking her forehead.

"You're an ass." Anzu leaned on him, "...Joey, what am I going to do without you. You're the only one who really cares. You've become my best friend over the years."

"It's funny ain't it. I always hung out with Tristan and you with Yugi. But Tristan moved and Yugi became busy with work and Yami. We slowly grew to like each other the most."

She looked up at him.

"I'll miss you, Teà. Oops, I mean-"

"Shut up! My name is Teà! It's always been Teà."

"Hey you don't have to cry?"

She didn't realize she had began to cry.

"It aint the end of the world! I'll visit when I get the chance!"

"I don't want you to leave, Joey."

"I have to go." He sat up, "So I want my last week here to be awesome as hell!"

The woman smiled, "Fine! Then let's party!"

He stood up, "Let's go to Chuckie Cheese!"

"Best pizza ever!" They sung.

The duo high fived. They laughed and kicked kids out the way all day. Well until the munchkins revolted and tried to drown them in the ball pit.

* * *

 **Ooo~ Le plot? Is it possible? Not for long if my stupid self keeps making dumb chapters (which I have stored up for after plot heavy chapters). I'm going to be ending this soon-ish. So not too many chapters left (well probably quite a bit but my chapters are short).**

 **I have a few off and on plans for another crazy story maybe about highschool/college. Anyways! Thanks for reading :)**


	19. Rules

"Meeting!" Yugi yelled.

Everyone nearly cried.

Yami stood by the door, making a head count, "Okay! Guys this week is going to be about some changes."

"What about change in management?" Akefia asked.

"What about go fuck yourself! Guys listen! As you all know, we were on hiatus!"

"You mean temporarily canceled." Joey stated.

"Hey if Rebecca Sugar can say hiatus so can I! Just like upper class conservative parents are up her ass, corporate is up mine."

Malik sighed, "Why?"

Yami lowered his head, "…They watched the show."

There was a collective gasp. Yugi fainted. Bakura stared into the camera.

* * *

"Corporate probably already knows this now but I have a klepto problem. I've been stealing supplies for years. Just little things like paper, staplers, Apple computers, just little things so I handed in my resignation form asap."

* * *

Bakura threw open his brief case and chucked some papers at Yami's face. Before anyone could react, he was gone.

Yami blinked, "What's his problem?" He scoffed, "Anyway. Things will be strict!"

Anzu whimpered.

"How strict!" Joey yelled.

"…uniforms."

Malik screamed at the top of his lungs.

Yami looked at him with sympathy, "I know, boo, it's okay!"

"It's not okay!"

"You can pull anything off!"

"What is it!"

…

"Tell me!"

* * *

Malik dangled out the window, "I CAN'T LIVE IN A WORLD WHERE I HAVE TO WEAR KHAKI PANTS!"

Akefia and Anzu struggled to pull him in.

"LET ME FALL TO MY TIMELY DEATH! WHOA IS ME!"

Yugi sighed, "Is there anything else Yami?"

He frowned, "Wi-Fi restrictions. And…productivity reports."

Mai cried, "They want us to DO shit!"

He knew this was going to be bad.

* * *

 _All around me are familiar faces_

 _Worn out places, worn out faces_

Yami walked in, buzzed in by Mai. She was not on her phone chatting. She was…working.

 _Bright and early for their daily races_

 _Going nowhere, going nowhere_

Yami almost sobbed when he saw Joey not setting up a random contraption to catch the magical office elves…but actually fixing a computer.

 _And I find it kinda funny, I find it kinda sad_

 _These dreams in which I'm dying are the best I ever had_

Malik stood at the water cooler filled with tears. His face without makeup, piercings left at home, outfit…a white Polo and khaki pants. He looked so boring you could mistake him for a Bob. Or a guy named John.

Yami practically sprinted in his office at the sight. At least his private palace was safe-

"Yugi!"

The small man looked at him, "Yes?"

"Where is the TV! My fucking flat-screen!"

"Corporate."

He fell to his knees sobbing. Not his TV! He'd never know how Maria and her husband Ricardo made up! No le gusta management mejor!

* * *

Yugi filed his nails, "No corporate did not take the TV. What do I have to lose though? His anger will go to actually working. The higher-ups told us many times over the years we had to improve." He shrugged, "We didn't obviously."

* * *

 **Sorry for the delay. Another chapter coming right up dears! See ya** soon


	20. Answers and plans

**Hello~ Wondering where lil ol me has been? Oh, you haven't?...**

 **Ahem, anyways. Enjoy the new chapter.**

* * *

"I think I found a way to free us from cooperate."

Yami looked up from his paperwork, "Mai?"

She looked so serious. Her pretty features were being mistreated by her frown, "Look."

He looked down at the file, "This is a lot Mai."

"The bonus will get us out of debt. Then we just all work overtime for a month. We'll pass the Atlanta branch so corporate will be up their ass."

He knew this was smart. But would it work? Only one way to find out.

It was risky though.

"I have to think it over."

She scoffed, "Yami! How much of a wimp have you become!"

"I want all of us to still have jobs! It's safer to not fuck with corporate right now."

"I've wore khakis for two months. They want to break us."

He knew. He knew the tan pants would drive them into a deep depression.

"Let me think it over."

"Fine!" She stormed out.

Maybe he had become weak…

* * *

Bakura walked into the office and took a seat at Malik's desk.

Ryou blinked, "Uhhh?"

"He had to go a parent teacher meeting." He started on the work.

"That's not legal."

"And!"

He shivered. Whatever he could stay, "You look good." He said, at least trying to appease him.

"Yea."

Great conversationalist like always.

"Done."

"What!"

"I do what you do but better. Bye."

Whoa. That made him feel amazed and inadequate.

"See ya."

"What are you doing now Bakura?" He asked.

He stopped, "Stocks."

"Oh." Only one blink and he was gone.

He left. Just like a ghost. Or that person you had drunk sex with.

Amazing.

* * *

Malik drove Amane to school, walking her to class.

"Jessica keeps bullying me."

"Yea. I'm talking to the teacher today." He would've just slapped her upside her head but apparently hitting kids is wrong. Back in his day, nuns would beat the holy shit outta kids and it was okay.

They walked into the classroom. Bright and colorful.

"Mr. Ishtar." He looked over to the desk, "I'm miss Aria."

"Nice to meet you. Go ahead Amane, go sit down."

She nodded.

"I hear there's some problems with the teasing from other kids." The teacher said.

"They tied her shoes together. When she fell, she hurt her knee."

"Oh my! I will tell the other kids that's not nice."

…

"And?"

"A stern lecture is their punishment."

"…How about no recess?"

"Children need that time to explore and imagine."

"Yea. Take it away." He said. It should have been obvious!

"That would be torture!"

"Even better!" Gods, what did they teach these pansies! Where's the paddle! Where's the 'go pray in a corner'!

"I just couldn't!" She shook her head.

Malik rolled his eyes, "How else will they learn there are consequences to their actions?"

"They are far too young for that!"

"You're never too young to know karma is a bitch."

She gasped.

He was losing his patience, "Listen, just don't let them do arts and crafts."

"But they should express themselves!"

He hissed. Oh shit. He was losing it. Therapy prepared him for this.

"We can work something-

A scream came from behind them.

"Amane!" He rushed into action.

A group of girls giggled as another girl teased Amane for crying. There was something in her hair. Bright pink.

Gum!

He grabbed the safety scissors off a desk. Jessica was dead.

"Mr. Ishtar!"

He ain't care. He grabbed Jessica's ponytail and went to chopping it off.

"AHH!"

"STAY STILL YOU'RE MAKING IT WORSE!" He cackled.

The pile of hair fell to the floor.

"Malik."

He looked over to the small voice.

"Amane."

"New school."

"Okay."

"Let's go."

He picked her up.

"Jessica, you deserved that. BITCH!"

He was so proud!

"Let's get ice cream, dearest!"

* * *

Ryou drove from work and conveniently saw a place labeled ALL YOU CAN EAT, one that hadn't banned him.

Oh, oh god. He was going to nut.

He spent hours on hours stuffing his face, being asked to leave many times but refusing. He deepthroated corn, cannolis and chocolate bananas. He ate out turkeys, pies, and burritos.

It was such an erotic scene, children had to be shielded from the sight. Oh but their parents, They watched with vivid fantasies.

It was appalling and by nightfall, Ryou was blacklisted again.

His phone buzzed.

[Dad: Can u help me search 4 ur sister?]

His perfect, sensual night was ruined! He cried behind a taco bell before picking up his dad.

* * *

Akefia stood by the train loading bags. He looked at his kids fighting except for Cai. The night sky was beautifully lit with stars. Sometimes it made him believe in a higher power. An infinite glimmering being watching out for him.

"You ready to see Atem, Cai?"

He nodded but his big eyes had something else in them.

"What's wrong bud?" Akefia picked up the small boy.

Cai whispered into his ear.

"Why…why do I send you away?" He repeated, hardly getting it out.

His chest hurt.

"Cai, I love you, I love all of you. I'd give anything to be with you."

Nubia looked up at him, "Why don't you, daddy?" She asked, curiously.

Ammon smirked, "He's a coward, dummy."

Akefia stared at them.

"He won't leave his home and friends! We're 2nd in his life."

"Ammon stop."

"You don't care about us! Why else would you send us away from you? Because you don't want the hassle of being with us 24/7." The boy lowered his eyes, "Just like our mothers. They didn't want us either."

Nubia whimpered, "Is that true daddy?"

His knees went under him.

"DADDY!" She screamed.

He held Cai close to him, scared of crushing him yet letting go would make him disappear.

"I love you all more than anything. You're my only flesh and blood. I…I regret everyday I don't spend with you. Every damn day without you guys is useless. You mean EVERYTHING to me. If I knew that I wouldn't see you again, I wouldn't survive. Every single day I look at our photos just to get out of bed."

Nubia jumped on him, "DADDY DON'T CRY!"

He didn't even realise. He looked at her and her baby brother crying. He peered up to Ammon.

Tears stung his big, bright eyes, he tried to keep them inside. Akefia opened his free arm.

Ammon clenched his fists. He sniffled harder, "I LOVE YOU DAD." He ran in his arms, sobbing, "YOU'RE SO STUPID!"

The old man smiled, "I know."

They embraced for what time felt so short yet so long. Akefia never felt this often but… he felt… happy.

Maybe one of those shining stars would take pity on them. Grant them a wish maybe. But this… the love he felt now was all he needed.

Lh

"Can I get a snack, Malik!"

"Hi, Ryou." He scoffed. How impolite, he just opened the door.

"Sorry. Hi. Snack."

"Amane, can you grab Ryou a snack?"

She hit Bakura to stop him from cutting her hair. He was really into it.

He blinked, "Oh. Go."

Malik crossed his arms, "Why are you here for a snack?"

"My dad and I are searching for his daughter."

He hummed in response.

The girl came over with two bags of chips and a granola bar.

Ryou frowned, "That's all?"

She threw the food at him, then walked away.

"Begone, Satan."

"Bye Ryou."

"Watch me walk to the car. I'm working on my stride."

Malik grinned, "Go ahead."

He awkwardly walked down the concrete path.

"Yas, Tyra Banks!" He cheered.

"I know pretty good huh?"

Bakura looked around the room, "Amane! Run and give Ryou those pudding cups we don't want."

She sighed, sliding her damn flip flops on.

"Amane is bringing you some more snacks we forgot about, hang on." Malik explained.

He excitedly did.

She ran out and threw them at him.

"DAMN YOU SATAN."

She snickered.

A new voice entered the scene, "Amane!"

Everyone looked at the car. A man with white hair panted in panic yet relief.

"Dad?" Ryou and Amane questioned the fool.

…

They looked at each other.

"I finally found you Amane."

She stood in shock.

Bakura walked to the door, "Get in here so I can finish." He looked around, "Cousin?"

The older man looked back, "Lil Kura?"

Malik scowled, "Everyone get in here before the rest of the family shows up."

* * *

"So that's everything that happened?"

Malik nodded.

Mr. Williams leaned down and whispered to Amane. She kindly slapped him, "Don't you dare. He took me in despite your incompetence as a father."

Malik brushed off whatever thing he whispered, "I think it is best to send her to her mom."

"I figured that. I called her mom before, she came a week ago. She's just busy with her newborn. I will call her now."

"There was no police reports."

"She didn't want one, too stressful. Her new husband insisted but she's a ditz."

Amane glared at him.

Malik stood up, "Take your call. Would you like a glass of lemonade?"

Ryou chirped, "Yes~"

"No, you get your ass up and get it. You practically live here."

He deflated a bit.

Ryou's father narrowed his eyes, "Uh yes. Thank you. Who made it?"

"Bakura." He lied, leaving the living room.

"Why do you keep looking at him like that?" Bakura growled.

The man glanced up, "I get uncomfortable around…them." He whispered.

"You don't look scared, you look spiteful."

"Well my daughter was with him."

"He took better care of her than you did her whole life."

His mouth pressed into a line.

Amane glanced to the door, "I should help him with drinks."

Bakura stood up, "No, I'll do it. You have small hands."

She glared at him. She wanted to escape this tension too.

He stood up, walking out.

"Hello? Hi, Amelia, I found Amane and I'm bring- No, you don't need the address- I'm bring her- Don't talk over me! Fine, I'm at xxxx Cider ave." He hung up.

"Sounded like a great conversation." Ryou mocked.

Mr. Williams glared at him then turned to Amane, "I'm sorry our time meeting was so rotten. I would have preferred to meet you properly."

Ryou smirked, "Same, _sister_."

Amane flipped him the bird, striking uproar from her…father.

"Amane, that's not ladylike!"

She hissed at him, "Fuck your norms."

He popped her hand.

A knife was promptly at his neck, "Don't. Touch. Her." Malik said, very low.

Bakura sat the lemonade on the table. He casually sat. After a moment he snapped, calling Malik back to the civilized.

"Ah." He removed his grip on him, "Take this." He threw it at Bakura.

He caught it, sipping his lemonade.

"Power couple of the year." Ryou laughed.

"Did you call her mother?"

"Did..you just try to kill me? DID YOU HONESTLY JUST PUT A KNIFE TO MY NECK!"

"You put your hands on her."

"SHE'S MY DAUGHTER!"

"Only by blood."

"THERE'S NO OTHER WAY YOU FUCKING IDIOT! I CAN'T BELIEVE YOU COULD HAVE KILLED ME!"

"Blood is temporary. Blood will not connect you in the afterlife, the bond of your souls will." Bakura stated, absently.

Everyone looked at him.

"Uh…I mean, grumble, grumble, angry gay man noise." He corrected himself.

"That was beautiful, Bakura." Malik smiled.

He turned completely red, he nervously giggled sinking in the armchair. It was cute in a creepy way.

* * *

"I love FaceTime calls with you Joey."

He smiled, clipping his toenails, "Thanks!"

"I'm being sarcastic, you're disgusting." Anzu scowled.

"I'm keeping good hygiene!" His toenail hit the screen.

"YOU ARE SO NASTY-

 _Lick lick lick_

 _I wanna eat your dick_

 _But I can't fuck up my nails_

 _So Imma pick it up with chopsticks_

Anzu quickly picked up her phone, "Hello?"

Joey kept singing, "Mouth wide open, mouth wide open. Mouth wide open like I was at the dentist!"

"Joseph!"

He snapped his mouth close.

/Hey Anzu, it's Yugi./

"Hey Yug."

"Hi, my little sugar drop. Mwah!" Joey teased.

"Yugi, you wanna video chat?"

/Not really this is the time Joey cuts his nails./

"See, I told you it was a thing!"

She rolled her eyes, "Whatever! That's weird."

"Life is about routine, Teá." Joey said as a fart escaped his ass.

"C'mon Joey!"

/That was loud./

"Seriously?!" He laughed, "I tried to make it quiet!"

"Disgusting. What's up, Yug?"

/I'm going to Yami's house for work. If I go missing, check his basement./

Joey grinned, "Will do, Yug!"

"Wait, he lives in an apartment."

/I mean his…Back Room™️/

"Whoa, Yug, he has a … Back Room™️?"

"Dude, that's scary and sexy."

/Its like a sex dungeon./

"Really?!"

/Fuck no./

Joey slammed down his toenail clippers, "YUG C'MON YA ALMOST HAD ME!"

/I know right./

"Very convincing Yugi." Anzu admired his lying ability.

/Thank you. I'm there, bye guys./

They yelled bye in response. The call clicked off.

"So I was bored with just jerking off so now I put a finger in to spice it up."

Anzu ended that call too.

She needed new friends.

* * *

Yami stared at the file. He put his feet up on the bed, "Why can't everyone just be on board? Fighting corporate wouldn't help."

A fundraising event…

He couldn't spend money they didn't have just to end up worse than before.

But…they were so unhappy.

Joey eats donuts in the breakroom with a loaded handgun. And he doesn't even work there anymore!

He had to do SOMETHING.

Maybe it would work…

Hey they worked many miracles. Like pulling that Easter egg out of Ryou's ass.

Yea they could do this!

HE WAS YAMI MUTO! HE COULD DO ANYTHING!

Yugi opened the door, "Why is your lights off? That small lamp does nothing. What are you doing in here?"

"Thinking." The pout appeared.

"Yea whatever."

"Yug."

He looked up, confused, "Hm?"

"Can you read this over?"

Yugi sat down his files on a nearby chair. Yami handed him the folder of the plans.

"What is it?"

"Just read it."

He shrugged, pulling out his glasses. His eyes glanced over the words.

Moments passed, a sigh escaped his lips, "Yami." Serious eyes looked Yami in his.

"I knew it was risky."

"Too risky."

DAMN it.


End file.
